Maturity, Honesty and Humility

Not three words I would have chosen to describe either Keven or Anthony in the past, but (dare I even say it?) I see those things in BOTH of them right now.  I definitely have that "this is too good to be true, it won't last" feeling but I am pushing those thoughts out of my head.  I will enjoy this, I will be proud of it, I will praise them for it (but not too much) and expect it to continue.  Then, if it doesn't, I will deal with it.  Actually what I mean is - if either of them uses again.

Its such a bittersweet feeling.

You would not believe how these two have been lately (together and apart) and some of the conversations I've had with them.  Anthony has grown up alot, has faced some things, humbly admitted some faults and is determined to be a good father and a good human being.  He's given Keven some excellent words of wisdom that Keven would not "hear" from anyone else.  Its so hard not to be hopeful, but always, always in the back of my mind is the big WHAT IF.

The fall hurts more the higher up you are, so I don't want to allow my expectations get too high.

I wasn't sure what it would be like when Ant got out - he's been calling me "Mama B" for a long time now, would that carry over?  Would he still think of me as his "mom"?  So far he's called every day to let me know what he's up to.  I've seen him almost every day as well.  He went to Family Group with us the other night and was a "big hit".  He's the type of person that everyone likes, everyone flocks to, everyone thinks is "cool" (by everyone I mean most people in that age group).  So Keven was beaming with pride to show off his "brother" and I had both my boys with me, it was a trip.

Hopefully things will continue to go well.




Peace, Hope and Love, Barbara

The Problem With Anti-Drug Ads

WARNING:  Trigger alert for people sensitive to graphic photos related to drugs.

Bill Ford over at Dad on Fire (one of my favorite blogs for the latest information on this topic) has posted about a new anti-drug campaign aimed at youth.  I watched each of the video clips really wanting to see something that would impact our current generation of kids.

The video clips were creative, thoughtful...and I mean no disrespect to whoever put them together, but they are weak.  They will appeal to a certain type of kid.  A kid who sees himself in these videos, who may have already decided drugs are stupid and following the crowd is lame.

I know I am going out on a limb by making this generalization, but its based on my observation of Keven, Anthony, Kels, Jon, Gilbert, Matt, Ross, Andrew, Lauren, Lauren 2, Anthony 2, Mikey, Christian, Brian, Jesse, Justin, Brian, Chad, and Ryan 1 and 2.

These are all of Keven's friends.  The ones that are not addicts have very different personalities from each others, but they all have passions they have been following for years and are well adjusted emotionally with a relatively, healthy self esteem.

The others are either bad ass guys who think they are tough and indestructible, emotionally hurt, suffering from a past trauma (abuse most likely) or lonely.  They see drugs as not only a means to an end, but a lifestyle that appeals to them.  They would never relate to the kids on the videos I just watched.

Drugs and the drug culture provide a place to belong where you fit in no matter what, druggies watch out for each other - unless of course they are desperate for drugs then they will steal from their best friend.  But usually the people who choose to try heroin (specifically) are looking to take a risk, try something exciting and in the process discover that it delivers the most incredible feeling in the world, a feeling that becomes the new focus of life.  Within the first few uses they are hooked and then begins the uphill battle that typically lasts for years and destroys everyone and everything in its path.  The lucky ones get out alive.

So all this to say - even looking back on a young Keven from years ago, he would have laughed at these videos and said they were stupid.  Some of the kids I listed above would agree with him but inwardly would take the message seriously, and others would go out of their way to use drugs just because of their rebellious nature.

Its really sad but I think showing real junkies, crackheads and tweakers would make more of an impact.  Showing girls that were once real cute and popular in school looking haggard at 17 and trading sexual favors for a hit of heroin, showing the "tough guys" begging and crying for more drugs, showing the ugliness, the filth, the crime, the violence, the jail beatings, the FUTURE of what happens to addicts....that MAY get through to a few more kids.  They need graphic images like this:

Unfortunately, this new ad campaign seems like maybe a step or two above "just say no".  Maybe.



Peace, Hope and Love, Barbara

Peace, Hope and Love, Barbara

Mission Accomplished - He's Home!

After ten months, the trio is together once again.

Kev and Kels are both working their program.  Ant says he wants to.  Lets hope and pray that he doesn't go out again and if he does, he doesn't take either of them with him.

Got the best hug ever and a gorgeous hand drawn card that I will scan and share later.  I am exhausted.  Left the house at 7am, just got home.





Peace, Hope and Love, Barbara

Accepting the Things We Can Not Change....

Anthony did not get out today.  But, all parties (him, Kels, Kev) are handling it with maturity by accepting the things they can not change.  I am impressed.

After getting up at 5:00 am and getting out to Norco, we got a call from him saying that they just told him (as in this morning!) that he can't get out till Sunday because he's on "high control probation" and has to see his PO within a certain amount of hours after leaving prison.  So that means I will drive out on Sunday to pick him up but Kels will not be able to go with me.

She had an elaborate day planned, had her hair and nails done, got a sexy new outfit, several surprises for him and got the day off work.  So she was disappointed but going with the flow.

It seems a bit ridiculous to me that prison waited till literally the last minute to say "guess what, you don't get to go home today after all!".  I will stop here so I am not tempted to say anything mean about our prison system.

Check out my other blog for something I am putting over there related to prisons, I was going to put it here but want more people to see it.

Thanks for caring about Ant.

Peace, Hope and Love, Barbara

ONLY TWO MORE DAYS TILL HE'S OUT!

(photo from last January during one of the brief moments they had together before Ant was back in prison)



Anthony has served a ten month sentence so we (his grandparents, brother, girlfriend, Keven and me) are very excited for the big day.  FRIDAY!

Kels and I will drive down to Norco and arrive by 7:30 am, wait two hours and then get to hug him for as long as we want.

First stop after that is a noon NA mtg. for the two of them (his request) at which time I will drive to get Keven and then see a HUGE reunion of "the brothers".  They have been like two ships* in the night for the last two years.  Then off to Grandma's house to surprise her (she doesn't except him till Saturday) and then all of us will go to lunch which my generous sister offered to pay for.

I think this warm welcome will get him off to a good start.  Mail has been slow in prison the last month and he thinks we are all mad at him and wasn't sure who was coming to get him.  Ha.  I will drive the "good car" and he will have a huge birthday gift waiting for him and I will chauffeur them to the meeting.

I am looking forward to it - but mostly to seeing Keven and Anthony reunite.  Kev and Kels are both going to tell him straight up - one word, or even "that look" about drugs and we are out of here.

*drug addicts in the system would be more appropriate



Peace, Hope and Love, Barbara

I can't deny it...I have hope

I am afraid I will jinx it by saying it outloud but that's silly.
Last year when he had 9 months I was hopefull too.

But, I swear there is something different this time and I am going to go with my hopefulness and enjoy it.

Kelly is doing excellent (Ant's gf)

and

ANT GETS OUT IN FIVE DAYS!

Peace, Hope and Love, Barbara