I went to visit both my guys today. I saw Anthony first and we had a wonderful visit, but he did have some bad news: one of his friends died recently of an OD. They had seen each other just days before Ant got arrested.
Then I asked Keven if he knew the young man, and he said yes he knew him too. In fact one of Keven's friends at rehab was really good friends with this kid so Keven told him and he broke down crying. He got out his iPod and showed us a bunch of pictures of them.
My heart is breaking for his parents. I don't know them personally, but yet, we all know them don't we? They are us.
Peace, Hope and Love,
Barbara
Showing posts with label Friends. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Friends. Show all posts
October 8, 2011
May 28, 2011
In Response to Comments....
I want to make sure that anyone reading this can "hear" the tone of what I am writing, that's one thing the written word loses - you can't necessarily tell if the writer is being defensive, and I want to make sure this doesn't come across that way.
Comments are the heart and soul of our blog community - without them we never would have found each other. Two comments left on my last post inspired me to write this one so I could clarify my "behind the scene thoughts" that were not included when I said I was glad Jon and Ant were not at the same place as Keven.
First, I realize that Keven will always have other addicts in his life and negative influence to contend with. I also know that he needs to learn to say no on his own two feet regardless of who is tempting him. But, in the entire planet of human beings, Ant and Jon are the two that have had the most influence on him. The ones that he used with the most, the one (Jon) that got him started and the one (Ant) that he frequently relapses with. If I am starting out on a diet, I want to stay away from my friend who will shove chocolate cake in my face and tell me "one bit won't matter". There will be others offering me cake, but its easier to say no to them. When I feel more confident in my ability to say no to her, I will hang around her again - or maybe realize she was not the right friend for me all along.
My main concern is my son's recovery, so yes, I am glad those two are not in close proximity to him right now.
Second, and more importantly, I love Anthony. I still do, I always will. Aside from Kev, he is someone I've shed the most tears over, and spent the most time and energy (and money) trying to help (not enable, support). So of course I feel bad for him. As naive as it sounds - I had a lot of hope for him this time. He's been in and out of rehabs and prison for years, always funded by the state, and now that our state is so financially f'd up, his funding was cut. Its just a fact of life and he's going to have to find a plan "B".
And I care about Jon too. But, Jon has been kicked out of every rehab he's been in. Usually for using drugs or "fraternizing" with female residents. This time he was kicked out for using Bath Salts. Jon was also being paid for by the State, and that money could have went to someone who was more serious about recovery. Jon was there because he had to be, he has never seriously followed a program, never humbled himself and is apparently not ready. I feel bad for his parents who, like the rest of us, are in a lot of pain. I want him to get better, but I want to do it far away from Keven.
Keven has grown a lot in the last few years and no longer idolizes these two as much as he once did. But Kev is the guy that would do anything to save a friend no matter what the cost to himself. In fact, a couple years ago Jon OD'd when he was with Keven. Keven was on probation at the time and knew he'd go to jail but didn't care, he called 911 and kept Jon breathing with CPR until they go there. Jon spent a few days in the hospital. The cops did NOT take Keven in. When he told them straight up that he was on probation they said, "okay, you did what most friends wouldn't do for this guy, just leave now".
And the cop was right, just a month or so ago Jon OD'd when he was with Anthony. Ant pulled his body out of the car, left him on the sidewalk, drove away and called 911 hoping they'd get there before it was too late.
This is the life and death stuff our addicts deal with. Scary and sad.
So, this big long post was to say, I get it, I know Keven has to learn to say no and that there will always be influences in his life. And, I'm disappointed for Ant and Jon (although, I do have anger toward him cause he's the one that got Keven to use when he was 17....).
Peace, Hope and Love, Barbara
Comments are the heart and soul of our blog community - without them we never would have found each other. Two comments left on my last post inspired me to write this one so I could clarify my "behind the scene thoughts" that were not included when I said I was glad Jon and Ant were not at the same place as Keven.
First, I realize that Keven will always have other addicts in his life and negative influence to contend with. I also know that he needs to learn to say no on his own two feet regardless of who is tempting him. But, in the entire planet of human beings, Ant and Jon are the two that have had the most influence on him. The ones that he used with the most, the one (Jon) that got him started and the one (Ant) that he frequently relapses with. If I am starting out on a diet, I want to stay away from my friend who will shove chocolate cake in my face and tell me "one bit won't matter". There will be others offering me cake, but its easier to say no to them. When I feel more confident in my ability to say no to her, I will hang around her again - or maybe realize she was not the right friend for me all along.
My main concern is my son's recovery, so yes, I am glad those two are not in close proximity to him right now.
Second, and more importantly, I love Anthony. I still do, I always will. Aside from Kev, he is someone I've shed the most tears over, and spent the most time and energy (and money) trying to help (not enable, support). So of course I feel bad for him. As naive as it sounds - I had a lot of hope for him this time. He's been in and out of rehabs and prison for years, always funded by the state, and now that our state is so financially f'd up, his funding was cut. Its just a fact of life and he's going to have to find a plan "B".
And I care about Jon too. But, Jon has been kicked out of every rehab he's been in. Usually for using drugs or "fraternizing" with female residents. This time he was kicked out for using Bath Salts. Jon was also being paid for by the State, and that money could have went to someone who was more serious about recovery. Jon was there because he had to be, he has never seriously followed a program, never humbled himself and is apparently not ready. I feel bad for his parents who, like the rest of us, are in a lot of pain. I want him to get better, but I want to do it far away from Keven.
Keven has grown a lot in the last few years and no longer idolizes these two as much as he once did. But Kev is the guy that would do anything to save a friend no matter what the cost to himself. In fact, a couple years ago Jon OD'd when he was with Keven. Keven was on probation at the time and knew he'd go to jail but didn't care, he called 911 and kept Jon breathing with CPR until they go there. Jon spent a few days in the hospital. The cops did NOT take Keven in. When he told them straight up that he was on probation they said, "okay, you did what most friends wouldn't do for this guy, just leave now".
And the cop was right, just a month or so ago Jon OD'd when he was with Anthony. Ant pulled his body out of the car, left him on the sidewalk, drove away and called 911 hoping they'd get there before it was too late.
This is the life and death stuff our addicts deal with. Scary and sad.
So, this big long post was to say, I get it, I know Keven has to learn to say no and that there will always be influences in his life. And, I'm disappointed for Ant and Jon (although, I do have anger toward him cause he's the one that got Keven to use when he was 17....).
Peace, Hope and Love, Barbara
April 15, 2010
Two Blog Posts to Check Out...
Do you all know Josh? He's a young man who's a recovering addict and his blog is called "Diving into the Mind of an Addict". He's got a post over there today called "Letter from Addiction".
Also, he's been a help to me in understand Keven and how the mind of a 19 year old male works. It got me thinking today about all the people I've met over the last six years of blogging and how much love and support I've received.
Even though I have written here at this blog for the least amount of time, its brought the most comfort to me. Thanks to all of you. I wrote about it on my other blog today (if interested see sidebar under WFIO).
Hope we all have a good weekend.
Keven seems a bit better today. He's at a meeting right now, had PO apt. this morning and meets with his "mentor" (a guy we used to go to church with) this evening. He's also going to do homework, work out and do some chores for his grandma. Being busy is key!
Peace, Hope and Love,
Barbara
Also, he's been a help to me in understand Keven and how the mind of a 19 year old male works. It got me thinking today about all the people I've met over the last six years of blogging and how much love and support I've received.
Even though I have written here at this blog for the least amount of time, its brought the most comfort to me. Thanks to all of you. I wrote about it on my other blog today (if interested see sidebar under WFIO).
Hope we all have a good weekend.
Keven seems a bit better today. He's at a meeting right now, had PO apt. this morning and meets with his "mentor" (a guy we used to go to church with) this evening. He's also going to do homework, work out and do some chores for his grandma. Being busy is key!
Peace, Hope and Love,
Barbara
February 14, 2010
Discussing the Disease
The other day, Peggy, over at Helplessly Hoping shared about a friend that has cancer and is writing a book on "how to be a friend to a friend who's sick". (if you have not read her post I highly recommend it). Peggy is asking readers to suggest ways people can be supportive to friends and family of addicts.
It got me to thinking - how do people react to the addict themselves? How do you be a friend to someone that's using or in in recovery?
I think with most diseases, the ill person receives a lot of support, encouragement, understanding, even pity. With addiction the opposite seems to be true. Addicts are often looked down upon, judged, avoided.
Don't most of us (including our government) agree that addiction is a disease? If someone starts using a drug (including alcohol) and uses/drinks to the point that their health and/or life is at risk, then that person is considered to have the disease of addiction, right?
But still, the stigma persists. Nowadays, I feel defensive more than ashamed when discussing my son's addiction. I want people to understand its not a choice. Yes, it was a choice to use the drug in the first place (how many of us haven't made very poor choices in our lives?) but becoming an addict was not the desired outcome of that choice.
Here is a definition I just found while cruising around the Web:
Back to the disease concept. Addiction is classified as a disease because it meets the criteria of all other terminal diseases:
- It has pattern of symptoms which are similar across all types of substance abuse- It is a chronic condition. It doesn't go away.
- It is progressive. Addiction only gets worse with continued use, and ends with death.
- The person is subject to relapse. In Australia, 66% of addicts who are lucky to live long enough to make it to detox will eventually die as a direct result of the disease.
- It is treatable. Here's the good news, while substance addiction is a terminal illness, its progression can be arrested at almost any stage. But if you are seeking treatment, it is of the utmost importance that you gain medical advice. Sudden withdrawal, even from "socially acceptable" drugs such as alcohol, can cause death through seizures and coma.
I hid Keven's addiction from a few family members for months and then just spit it out one day at a family gathering. I don't know what certain family and friends think of it, I imagine some people are judging my son for being so "weak" and me for "raising an addict". Those reactions no longer anger me In a convoluted sort of way its actually good that some people think that - it means they have no personal experience of it and therefore have not had to endure the heartache many of us know intimately.
But I do hope that things change, that people would understand that no one would choose this as their life. It chooses them. Just like cancer or diabetes or heart disease. There are things we can do to prevent those diseases, but that is no guarantee against them, some people will get cancer no matter how well they care for their health.
I'll end with something else I read on the same site quoted above:
When world governments begin to understand that the cost in providing this care (detox and recovery) free of charge is far outweighed by the benefits to society, we will begin to see an incredible drop in poverty, violence and divorce. The cost in providing this care will also be offset by the decrease in need of other hospitalization. 1 in 3 hospital beds in Australia are taken up by people with conditions that can be directly linked to drug abuse. At best, the world health systems overall are only currently providing band-aid solutions to one of the greatest scourges of mankind.
You can check out what he wrote in full here (he's in Australia and wrote this a few years ago but it still applies today...unfortunately).
P.S. My friends and family, especially blog friends, have been very supportive and non-judgmental, the occasional ignorant and/or insensitive questions is asked, I try not to punch the person in the nose when that happens.
Peace, Hope and Love,
Barbara
January 24, 2010
He's Out Buying Fish for His Tank
For example, he's got a few friends over (two girls, two guys) and I can hear them in his room laughing, talking. Its weird. In a good way. He's looking through his plugs because he wants to put them back in. I don't like the look of them but that's the least of my concerns.
He seems happy today. He's smiled a lot. We got to hear his friends compliment his "new room". One of them is playing "Come As You Are" by Nirvana on Ant's guitar. Feels a lot like old times except I am not wondering if there's drugs in there....I know there's not.
We had a very positive conversation, initiated by him, about his future, about staying clean, about how he thinks the best place to make new friends would be the local community college. Sounds good to me.
One day at a time. He can do this. He wants it. He's doing it. I am going to have faith and be positive and hopeful, all the while knowing that he could at any time, slip backwards.
I have a lot of compassion for addicts that feel like they've failed because they "blew it". I know that feeling too from making many poor choices in my life. But we're all given a new start every time we decided not repeat the mistake. Unfortunately when this involves drugs, that one time you "slip" could be your last chance.
Note to "you know who you are", PLEASE be good to yourself.
Peace, Hope and Love,
Barbara
October 20, 2009
More News on K, Ant and Jail
Got a letter from Ant today. I could see him in my mind's eye as I read the words. He was smiling ear to ear, full of energy and totally excited. He is getting A PROGRAM instead of hard jail time in prison. This is great news. He wants it, he says he's ready...time will tell.
The TWIST to this is that he has no idea K got transferred to TL jail....and guess where Ant will be transferred to soon? Yep. And guess what rehab he will be send to? Yep, PH where K will be living.
Hmmm....the timing will either be so that they just miss each other or could possibly have up to a month or more together with the ability to socialize and hang out (minimum security area).
I think they would encourage each other and help each other - but you know how it is! I can't even "go on a diet" as the same time as my sister because after a few days of cheering each other on we both decide that a Blizzard from DQ is a must have.
We'll see what happens. I love my boys. I just don't want them near each other yet. Yep, they remind me a little of Tom Sawyer (K) and Huck Finn (Ant) but there's nothing cute about that when you throw heroin in the mix.
October 3, 2009
Dogs...
I considered linking the article from my local paper since they have no problem splashing his name all over, but its too depressing.
My brother's dog has been visiting all day and she is the coolest dog ever. She was a three time loser with one more chance for adoption before being euthanized when my bro got her. Yes, she's a little bit wild but super smart, super sweet, loyal and loving.
So I can't help but think of kids like Ant with no family (outside of prison), no money, no place to live, no nothing. How do they get that last chance? Do they just get shuffled through the prison system all their life, having a kid or two here and there and leaving behind the next generation of hopelessness? Ant already has a 2 year old son :(
I know I can't fix him or save him, but I can love him can't I? Its so hard to NOT take this kid under my wing even more than he already is. I will visit with him tomorrow when I go to see K. It would be wild if they got to see each other - but they can get in huge trouble for talking to each other so it would be better not to. K wrote him a letter today! Weird.
By the way, this is Jade and Ant with K:
(click to enlarge)
Dogs have more chances than people sometimes.
October 2, 2009
Heroin is so evil
1. I can't express how grateful I am for the comments I receive here, and for the openness of other parents on their blogs. No one can understand what this is like unless they lived it so your words are like water for my thirst in this desert of death (sorry, just in one of those moods).
2. Then there is my sweet young friend, Angel, who was an addict and gives me perspective from that side and tells me what her parents did right and wrong to help her (basically - to NOT help her).
3. I have mentioned before how much I love some of K's friends. One in particular named Ant. Hearing his story you would not be at all surprised that his life involves drugs and crimes, he was raised in that lifestyle. Lost his mom to drugs and his father to prison. Ant's gf is "Kay" who happens to be the first person K did heroin with. She comes from the "perfect family" so it once again reminds us that IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT KIND OF PARENT YOU ARE, ITS NOT OUR FAULT.
4. Kay called today to see if I'd heard from Ant. I had just been talking to my boyfriend and mentioned that I had NOT heard from either of them lately and my gut feeling was that they were using. I was right (don't you hate that?). Kay was distraught because she and Ant got pulled over and had weed and syringes in the car. Ant ran. Not a smart move. I assumed he was in jail so got on line and was able to tell her all the details. What bothers me the most is that SHE is using again after doing so good for so long. I HATE THAT STUFF! So I will not allow either of them in my home unless K is not here.
5. Things that are good about K being in jail:
- I dont' have to wonder where he is
- I dont' have to wonder if he's going to OD
- I don't have to worry all night because of the above two
- I don't have to hide my car keys, money and valuable
- I save money buy not having to feed him or drive him places
- He is clean!
- He is safe!
- He is learning from this (hopefully)
- He has lots of time to read, go to meetings and think about life
6. Ant and K are now in the same jail together - part of me hopes they run into each other because it would cool for him to see a friendly face in there and A is only serving a THREE DAY term. Most of me hopes they are no where near each other.
7. A three day term for breaking parole AND running from the cops? Kay took the heat for the needles and weed and got a ticket. I wish they would have taken her to jail too, maybe it would push her a bit closer to getting (and staying) clean. Our justice system is very weird - don't even get me started on that today.
8. I can honestly say that this has been one of the worst weeks of my entire life. It has nothing to do with K. Its something on top of all that. Its something personal and ugly and sad. I have drugs in the house (from a back injury) and had a fleeting thought of taking enough to ease my emotional pain. No Way. It may hurt more than a knife in the back but not worth the risk of getting addicted (they are opiates...how ironic that i have OPIATES in my HOUSE!) They were not here before and will be tossed before comes home.
9. My dear sweet aunt (she's a nun) just called and reminded me she prays for K every day and that God loves him, and loves me. I have been a Christian most of my life and never felt God's love but I know people who do. I feel cheated, I wish I could feel it if its true, it would be nice.
10. I have a list of people from all the blogs I read by hurting parents/addicts and think/pray for you all each day.
September 22, 2009
The $20 Question
Its sad that there's such a negative stereotype out there of what a "drug addict" is like, and its even sadder that so much of it is accurate.
We love our children, we just hate their actions. I love my son's friends too. I am having one of those heartbreaking moments of "knowing" I was just lied to but I was really more of a bystander so I just listened, hugged her and told her I loved her and to "keep being good" (I have no idea if she's using or not, I always say that to her).
Here's the situation, tell me what you think:
Yesterday I was not home. "Kelly" called my house and asked my mom if she could borrow $20 for one day and pay it back the next day when her pay check went through. My mom, knows Kelly's history.....we've known her a long time and I won't go into details but I BELIEVE she is no longer using, but that she is very co-dependent with her boyfriend (also K's friend) who may or may not be using.
So shock - she just came over and paid my mom back!!! I am very happy about that quick turnaround but I felt like she was lying to us. She had a story of why she needed the money (the truth usually doesn't make you think you need to go into a long explanation). Also, it was only $20, why didn't she ask her mom? And what was so critical that she had to have $20 right away (possibly gas for her car...that's legit).
I don't know, its just feels funny to me. Perhaps I 'm jaded. Perhaps I'm wise to this kind of behavior. Either way, I am glad she paid the money back and I wanted to hug her forever (she is so thin I wanted to feed her too). I know her mom, she's a great mom. I should invite her to read our blogs - she's definitely a candidate for this club none of us want to belong to).
We love our children, we just hate their actions. I love my son's friends too. I am having one of those heartbreaking moments of "knowing" I was just lied to but I was really more of a bystander so I just listened, hugged her and told her I loved her and to "keep being good" (I have no idea if she's using or not, I always say that to her).
Here's the situation, tell me what you think:
Yesterday I was not home. "Kelly" called my house and asked my mom if she could borrow $20 for one day and pay it back the next day when her pay check went through. My mom, knows Kelly's history.....we've known her a long time and I won't go into details but I BELIEVE she is no longer using, but that she is very co-dependent with her boyfriend (also K's friend) who may or may not be using.
So shock - she just came over and paid my mom back!!! I am very happy about that quick turnaround but I felt like she was lying to us. She had a story of why she needed the money (the truth usually doesn't make you think you need to go into a long explanation). Also, it was only $20, why didn't she ask her mom? And what was so critical that she had to have $20 right away (possibly gas for her car...that's legit).
I don't know, its just feels funny to me. Perhaps I 'm jaded. Perhaps I'm wise to this kind of behavior. Either way, I am glad she paid the money back and I wanted to hug her forever (she is so thin I wanted to feed her too). I know her mom, she's a great mom. I should invite her to read our blogs - she's definitely a candidate for this club none of us want to belong to).
September 17, 2009
What are you in the mood for?
I've been sitting here reading poetry I've written over the years. Some of it I haven't read in a long time and it almost shocked me because it was not that long ago that my life was so different. So empty. So full of depression and despair.
So if you are in the mood for something heavy, I am going to share a poem here that is no longer me, and I am thankful for that.
If you are in the mood for something light, I shared a very cool story about how K's friends took him to the Smashing Pumpkins concert the other day. How could that be you ask, he's still in jail! Well you'll have to check out my music blog to find out. I'm still grinning thinking about it :) Its at Layla's Classic Rock.
So if you are in the mood for something heavy, I am going to share a poem here that is no longer me, and I am thankful for that.
If you are in the mood for something light, I shared a very cool story about how K's friends took him to the Smashing Pumpkins concert the other day. How could that be you ask, he's still in jail! Well you'll have to check out my music blog to find out. I'm still grinning thinking about it :) Its at Layla's Classic Rock.
Totally and completely alone. Not one shoulder to cry on. Can I turn to the One who claims to comfort? Why is He not enough? I've alienated everyone from my life. Hurt them, angered them, used up their patience.
I've done this to myself like the slow drag of the blade across my wrist. Very carefully monitoring how deep it will go - will I let it injure, or kill? I was never meant for this world. Born defective, too many raw emotions like ruptured nerve endings. Pain. Sharp, excruciatingly, indeterminable and unstoppable.
Others shake their heads and don't understand. Heroin owns its victims as loneliness owns me. I can be in a room full of people or in the back alley - I'm still alone.
They pay for head I pay for hugs, I'm still alone.
Words mean nothing. They lead you along but you know they are empty and fake.
You choose to keep walking the plank till you get to the end and plunge. The sharks have been circling. Let them devour me - at least it’s not obvious, did I slip or did I jump? Blood in the water, shreds of flesh and bone. What's left of a sensitive soul. They laugh at the red stained spot where the sharks have fed. She asked for it. She always was a bit off, a bit too needy, a bit too sensitive and way too willing to give herself away.
Hundreds of times over an over again begging for love exchanging the tangible for nothing more than whispers in the dark. Waking to cold damp sheets. Never giving up. Using her only commodity till the well ran dry. Looking for the living water. Why wasn't it enough? Change was suppose to happen. A new creation - what about the butterfly emerging from the caterpillar? What about the cross and the forgiveness of sin? What about that One Man who was suppose to save them all?
If only this were a dream with an end. If only tomorrow would never come. To wake up in peace. Feel hope warm me like a blanket right out of the dryer. Clean and soft. Nurturing.
Ripped, oily rags covered with dirt. Cardboard boxes for shelter. Empty syringe, broken glass, trash. Just let me go back to where I belong. I understand the vacant stares of empty minds. Pain is mingled with survival but no one feels a thing. It all just drifts away. The cold hard cement. The urine scented hallway. The whimpering cries of the slaves. It's all the same. A lonely cold existence in a falsely warm world.
September 11, 2009
Good Friends, Bad Friends
UPDATE: this is sad, he (Ant) called me tonight with one of those "favors" addicts ask and they honestly think it sounds legitimate and that you won't see through it. It was a very bold favor which tells me he's in a bad place. I said no, and my heart sunk. I hate this shit (heroin) so much I can't even find words vile enough to describe my hate for it.
If your a Zeppelin fan you may recall the first verse of their song, "Good Times, Bad Times". It reminds me a lot of my son and his friends:
I've known most of K's friends for years, some for most of his lifetime. There's several of them that I have gown to love. Sadly I have to categorize them in my mind as "good friends" and "bad friends". I am sure you can figure out why someone would fall into the bad friend category, but that doesn't mean I love those guys any less than the good ones.
Because of his drug use K lost all but one good friend during this last year. I watched as they stood by him during the beginning but each one faded away as they saw that he was not changing his way - he was still using. (Except good old Andrew who lives two doors away and still hangs out with K).
I got to see two of the good friends yesterday and got big hugs from both of them. One is heading off for one of the best 4 year colleges in our state the other is enrolled in the local community college. I was so happy for them. We didn't really say much about K - they know where he is, what more can they say? They were there at the hospital with me when he OD's, they were at my house talking and letting him cry and on their shoulders into the wee hours of morning many times. They included him, they tried to steer him away from drugs. I am touched by their efforts.
Then there are his bad friends. Only one of his bad friends still matters to me. His name is Ant and he calls himself "my second son". He lost his mother several years ago, she was killed when a meth lab exploded. His dad has been in and out of prison most of his life, he doesn't really know him. His brother is a tough guy that I would not want to mess with, just looking at him scares me.
Ant is an addict too. So I love him, but with that caution you have to use around addicts "is he bullshitting me or are these tears real?" He called today to see what the outcome of K's court appearance was yesterday. Then we talked about him. I could tell by his voice it was not good.
He left the sober living home he was in, has been using and has a warrant out for his arrest (he was in hardcore prison - Chino, for those familiar with the CA State Penitentiary system) and has been out for about 5 months. He started crying telling me he did not want to go back there and that his only hope was to get into a rehab "out of county" (meaning not here in OC). He has one in mind and is trying to get in. He asked me if I had any suboxone left, I said no. I wanted desperately to offer to take him to the doctor and get some, but I can NOT do that. It kills me, but I just can't spend money on him, the risk is too high.
Ant borrowed $60 from my mom when I was in Wisconsin. We'll never see it again. He asked me to lend him some money when he got out of prison so he could start his tattoo business (he is very, very talented but was using prison made equipment!). I said no, I would not lend him money but I would invest in his business by buying him the equipment (obviously this was when I had a job!). He was ecstatic and has been doing really well building up a bunch of clients and getting a portfolio of his work together. I am proud of him.
So today when we were talking he said, "tell K I love him but that there is no way we can see each other for a long time. We can't get clean together. We are a bad influence on each other. We have to do it separately then we can be bros again". He also gave me a list of five guys (new friends that I don't know well) that I should forbid K to see. One was someone K SWORE was not a druggie. I am glad Ant is committed to getting clean and I just pray to God that he can do it. He also has a son, about 2 years old, that he needs to be there for and I think that is part of his motivation. The little boy knows his Daddy, but not that well. I hope by the time the little guy is three, his dad is clean and sober and visiting him often. Boys need dads.
If your a Zeppelin fan you may recall the first verse of their song, "Good Times, Bad Times". It reminds me a lot of my son and his friends:
In the days of my youth I was told what it was to be a man, Now I've reached the age I've tried to do all those things the best I can. No matter how I try, I find my way to do the same old jam.
I've known most of K's friends for years, some for most of his lifetime. There's several of them that I have gown to love. Sadly I have to categorize them in my mind as "good friends" and "bad friends". I am sure you can figure out why someone would fall into the bad friend category, but that doesn't mean I love those guys any less than the good ones.
Because of his drug use K lost all but one good friend during this last year. I watched as they stood by him during the beginning but each one faded away as they saw that he was not changing his way - he was still using. (Except good old Andrew who lives two doors away and still hangs out with K).
I got to see two of the good friends yesterday and got big hugs from both of them. One is heading off for one of the best 4 year colleges in our state the other is enrolled in the local community college. I was so happy for them. We didn't really say much about K - they know where he is, what more can they say? They were there at the hospital with me when he OD's, they were at my house talking and letting him cry and on their shoulders into the wee hours of morning many times. They included him, they tried to steer him away from drugs. I am touched by their efforts.
Then there are his bad friends. Only one of his bad friends still matters to me. His name is Ant and he calls himself "my second son". He lost his mother several years ago, she was killed when a meth lab exploded. His dad has been in and out of prison most of his life, he doesn't really know him. His brother is a tough guy that I would not want to mess with, just looking at him scares me.
Ant is an addict too. So I love him, but with that caution you have to use around addicts "is he bullshitting me or are these tears real?" He called today to see what the outcome of K's court appearance was yesterday. Then we talked about him. I could tell by his voice it was not good.
He left the sober living home he was in, has been using and has a warrant out for his arrest (he was in hardcore prison - Chino, for those familiar with the CA State Penitentiary system) and has been out for about 5 months. He started crying telling me he did not want to go back there and that his only hope was to get into a rehab "out of county" (meaning not here in OC). He has one in mind and is trying to get in. He asked me if I had any suboxone left, I said no. I wanted desperately to offer to take him to the doctor and get some, but I can NOT do that. It kills me, but I just can't spend money on him, the risk is too high.
Ant borrowed $60 from my mom when I was in Wisconsin. We'll never see it again. He asked me to lend him some money when he got out of prison so he could start his tattoo business (he is very, very talented but was using prison made equipment!). I said no, I would not lend him money but I would invest in his business by buying him the equipment (obviously this was when I had a job!). He was ecstatic and has been doing really well building up a bunch of clients and getting a portfolio of his work together. I am proud of him.
So today when we were talking he said, "tell K I love him but that there is no way we can see each other for a long time. We can't get clean together. We are a bad influence on each other. We have to do it separately then we can be bros again". He also gave me a list of five guys (new friends that I don't know well) that I should forbid K to see. One was someone K SWORE was not a druggie. I am glad Ant is committed to getting clean and I just pray to God that he can do it. He also has a son, about 2 years old, that he needs to be there for and I think that is part of his motivation. The little boy knows his Daddy, but not that well. I hope by the time the little guy is three, his dad is clean and sober and visiting him often. Boys need dads.
August 26, 2009
Diploma?
My son was expelled from school in December '08, his senior year. Graduation day was hard on me as I gave some of his friends cards to congratulate them, I've known them since elementary school. None of his long time friends got into drugs, sure they partied like most HS kids do, but nothing more serious.
When K intentionally took two handfuls of pills (Trazadone and something else - I don't even know for sure what and neither did he) those friends sat with me in the ER. They stuck by K for months after that watching him relapse time and time again.
Now they are pretty much out of his life. They don't even know he's in jail cause they kind of gave up on him, or just got tired of his druggie ways.
Anyhow, the point of this post was to say that K has been attending an independent study high school (show up once a week, grab some homework, bring it back). He missed so much that they dismissed him but allowed him to re-enroll with a promise not to miss any more. Well, he missed yesterday cause he's in jail!
I called his teacher and she said she found a way to give him a temporary leave of absence for 30 days. He only has a few credits left so this is GOOD NEWS.
I love how some people (like this teacher) care about and understand the kids that have problems to overcome. It made me feel great to hear the concern in her voice for my boy. He will be so relieved to hear this, he really wants a "real" diploma.
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Now playing: Pearl Jam - Save You
via FoxyTunes
When K intentionally took two handfuls of pills (Trazadone and something else - I don't even know for sure what and neither did he) those friends sat with me in the ER. They stuck by K for months after that watching him relapse time and time again.
Now they are pretty much out of his life. They don't even know he's in jail cause they kind of gave up on him, or just got tired of his druggie ways.
Anyhow, the point of this post was to say that K has been attending an independent study high school (show up once a week, grab some homework, bring it back). He missed so much that they dismissed him but allowed him to re-enroll with a promise not to miss any more. Well, he missed yesterday cause he's in jail!
I called his teacher and she said she found a way to give him a temporary leave of absence for 30 days. He only has a few credits left so this is GOOD NEWS.
I love how some people (like this teacher) care about and understand the kids that have problems to overcome. It made me feel great to hear the concern in her voice for my boy. He will be so relieved to hear this, he really wants a "real" diploma.
----------------
Now playing: Pearl Jam - Save You
via FoxyTunes
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