Two Visits with Two Very Different Personalities

I went to see both my guys today, I don't always do two in one day, it pretty much takes up your whole day.

I visited with Anthony first.  He was all smiles, full of energy, excited to be getting out in 2 weeks as the "new Anthony".  He asked me to pick him up and drive his straight to the sober living, he doesn't want his gf or friends or even his brother picking him up.  I think that's a wise choice.  Our visit flew by and I left feeling happy and hopeful.

Then I went to see Keven.  I love him so much.  There he was looking very anxious but trying to be cheerful.  The visit dragged on forever, we struggled to find things to talk about.  We talked mostly about his court date Tuesday and how nervous he is.  We both want to believe the best scenario will happen - but you never know.

AND WHEN I WAS THERE - THAT MASS MURDERER GUY WALKED RIGHT BY ME WITH TWO GUARDS (on the other side of glass, of course).  It seemed that they were taking him for a walk or something.  It creeped me out.  Keven says he just stands at his cell door all days and stares at all the other inmates.

So....today I felt so grateful for Anthony.  He's been writing Keven some great letters, he's been so on fire for recovery....I know I need to keep my expectations in check, and I know this sounds naive - but I think he might make it this time.

Yep, that did sound naive!  If I had a dollar for every time I said that I could go buy a new pair of shoes :)

 Peace, Hope and Love, Barbara

Familiar Story That Ends in OD

Sad story from work today. One of our probationers was in jail waiting for bed space at an inpatient treatment center for the last few months. An officer I worked with had been working hard to get him a bed in a local facility and finally acquired one in the next couple of weeks due to the fact that his family had been calling and calling wanting to know when a bed would be available, he had been waiting in jail so long, why was it taking so long, couldn't he wait at home? Finally they took it to court, I typed the order a week or two ago, and he would be released to his parents and be on house arrest to wait the two weeks for the bed to become available. He was released on a Tuesday and died of a drug overdose on that Friday. He never made it to treatment. Sometimes parents love their children to death.
Thanks for checking out the advertising links here....and triple thanks if you made a purchase! I appreciate it so much.

 Peace, Hope and Love, Barbara

National Drug Facts Week - Message to Parents and Teens

Today marks the beginning of a week dedicated to spreading the word about drug abuse presented by the NIDA (National Institute of Drug Abuse).  Here is my message to both parents and teens based on my personal experience being the mother of a very intelligent, kind, funny and good looking young man who got addicted to heroin when he was 17 years old.

Message to parents:

Drug Awareness programs are not enough, believe me, your child WILL become aware of drugs and be offered them, sometimes as early as grade school but usually in Jr. High or High School.  No amount of good parenting is going to stop a child that is pre-disposed to trying drugs.  This is what I've learned from listening to hundreds of other parents.  Its natural for us to say "my child is too smart for that...." but the fact is, most parents of addicts said the same thing.  

So how do you prevent your child from trying RX or other drugs?  You do your best by communicating openly, knowing what they are up to and knowing their friends and drug testing at home if you become suspicious.  Educate yourself on the signs of drug use.  Please, don't go into denial thinking your child is immune to this danger.

And, as much as I hate to say this, if they are going to experiment there is not much you can do to stop them.  For me, the mistake I made was not understanding the seriousness of the situation when I first learned of it.  My son became addicted after ONE TIME of using heroin.  If I would have known then what I know now, I would have acted sooner, got him into a rehab immediately and perhaps he wouldn't still be struggling today, almost 4 years later.

I learned the most by becoming involved in the community of bloggers (listed in my sidebar) as we shared our journey's together.  If you do find yourself parenting an addict:  You need support!  Please go to Al-Anon or read these blogs or find another way to connect with others who are going through the same thing!

Message to Teens:

Lecturing you won't help, you already hear about the dangers.  I'll just tell you how its affected my son.

He started using at 17, today at age 20 he is sitting in jail wondering if he will  miss yet another birthday and Christmas because of being incarcerated or in a rehab.  He lost all his friends, his girlfriend, his car, all his material possessions except his clothes, his dignity.  He was expelled from high school in his Senior year for being high and missed the prom, graduation, etc.  He has almost died several times.  He has lost 8 "friends" that accidently OD'd.  He has never held a job and now has a felony on his record.  I have lost track of how many times he's been in and out of jails and rehabs.  He still has a family who loves him, but we can't trust him and have to lock up our belongings if he's going to be home, even for an hour.  He'll turn 21 in December but it won't be a fun celebration with friends because he can't be out after 10 pm due to probation's curfew (that is if he's out of jail).

These are just a few of the ramifications of using drugs.  The big ones are how sick you feel, how desperate you become, how you don't even recognize yourself because the person you once were has been taken over by the addict you've created (Dr. Jeckyll and Mr. Hyde).  You will steal from your parents, sibling, friends and possibly commit burglaries or robberies to support you habit.  You will exchange sex for drugs.  You will live for the next fix because nothing else matters....this happens with RX drugs and heroin especially, its physically addicting, once you start, if you stop you get extremely ill and experience intense pain in your body.

For most addicts it takes around ten years or more to finally overcome, but even then they usually have lifelong obstacles to face (relapse, felony record).  You will end up in jail sooner or later, its inevitable. And depending on your drug of choice - say goodbye to your good looks, you will lose them as well.

So, do yourself a favor and don't bother trying anything that could lead down this path of anguish for yourself and everyone in your life that cares about you.  Check out Sara Bellum's blog, you will learn a lot here!

Peace, Hope and Love, Barbara

This is not spam

I posted something similar to this on my FB page and someone thought it was spam, and it did seem kind of spammy, but its not!

If anyone's curious about the HCG diet, I just completed it and lost 25 lbs. in 30 days.  It really works.  I know its controversial but I loved it and am going to do it again in a few months.

Here is the link to my blog about it that I just decided to make public:

http://ourhcgdietexperience.blogspot.com/

The Past Catches Up With Me - in Jail

Over the years I've chosen very carefully how much to tell Keven about my teens/early twenties. I let him know that, yes, I did try drugs and drank and smoked - but made it sound very casual. In reality, I was quite the party girl and had somewhat of reputation because of it.

Well, last night I get a call from jail at about 9:30.  I was a bit alarmed since we'd already had our nightly call and he's never called that late.

It turns out that one of the guys in his cell KNOWS ME from back in the day.  He was standing next to Keven and had him ask me if I remembered him (no) and then started listing a bunch of people to see if I knew them.  Turns out we ran around in the same circles and he knows my ex-sister in law, friends of my brother, friends of my sister, friends of mine AND Keven's dad.

They got a big kick out of this conversation.  The last thing the guy asked was if I remembered a certain party house that had wild parties almost every weekend....I said yes.  That was his house.  So now I am wondering what other stories this dude might be telling my son about me!

I'm not worried about it, it just feels odd, you know?  I didn't want to ask what the guy was in for since he was standing right next to him, but I'll find out later.

I would really prefer that Keven didn't hear about my party girl lifestyle, but it is what it is.  Am I embarrassed or ashamed?  A little of both.

BTW, That "diablo" in the pic is  the high school mascot for MVHS, the high school  Keven and I attended until the beginning of our senior years.  He was expelled for being high in class, I left to finish school early at a continuation school because I could not tolerate HS one more year and I needed to work.

Peace, Hope and Love, Barbara

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Annual Walk Against Drugs

This past Saturday we had our annual drug walk.  I have mixed feelings about, but generally think its a good thing.  It sort of makes me sad though, because Keven walked this walk several times in his school years.  Drug Awareness had the opposite affect on him - it triggered a curiosity in drugs rather than a desire to stay away from them.  I know several of you who have said the same thing about your sons.

So the question is:  WHAT CAN WE DO TO STEER KIDS AWAY FROM DRUG ABUSE?

I honestly don't know if there's a way.

How many of you remember watching "Red Asphalt" or similar driver's ed films designed to scare the heck out of young drivers?  The idea was, if we were shown in graphic, real images what can happen if we drink and drive - or drive to fast, etc; we would choose NOT to risk it.

Well, I hate to admit how many times I drank and drove as a youth, and how many times I drove way too fast for the fun of it.  And today we have texting and driving to worry about too.

I don't know if we can scare or educate kids away from drug use.  But what can we do?  Drug test them?  Threaten them?  Beg them?  Just be the best damn parents we can be and hope that they make good choices?

Its sad to me to see all those people marching againstdrugs knowing that some of them will end up addicted, or dead.

Thanks for checking out the advertising links here....and triple thanks if you made a purchase. I appreciate it so much. Peace, Hope and Love, Barbara