Wow. What an ugly scene. As I was driving over to Angel's mom's house (where she lives) I called my friend VV who has known Angel even longer than I have and has been through all this addiction stuff with her. VV is someone I consider an expert on addiction as a recovered (recovering?) alcoholic with many years of sobriety, many sponsees, much wisdom and a lot more gutsy than me. This was not the first time she and I showed up at the same house for the same reason....
Long story short it was unpleasant and Angel admitted she's ruining her life but just doesn't care. Not much you can say to that. I told her I did care and therefore had to say goodbye to her for now because I could not bear to watch it any longer.
The disgusting monster of a man she's involved with was there, but he was too afraid to show his face knowing that two old ladies in their 50's would kick his ass - seriously.
Angel was coming down from being high. She didn't look terrible but I saw the bruises and sores on her arm. I asked if she was using heroin and she said no but I am almost certain that she is - heroin doesn't make you look as bad as meth does, so that's my reasoning.
I came home to my non-emotional son who seems to live with a scowl on his face. He was heading out to Norco to give Kelly a ride home from her visit with Anthony - I chose not to go this time. I have not interest in seeing Anthony. I don't even really have an interest in seeing Keven but until he actually does something to violate the rules of the house/probation I am putting up with him.
Addiction affects the family, the friends and everyone else that knows and cares about the addict. The addict goes alone their merry way, aware that they are ruining their lives and causing others pain and heartbreak but they can't, or won't, change.
Its very unenjoyable to put it mildly.
Peace, Hope and Love, Barbara
6 comments:
Sounds like a really rough day. Nothing much to say Barbara. Just sending a virtual hug.
...and yes, as we all know, that really is putting it mildly! I also hate the insensitivity of using addicts to the pain of those who care about them...but that is the nature of it. Ugh. I'm sorry you've had such an awful day. Hoping you'll have a peaceful week.
I've been thinking about that a lot lately - how "we" seem to care more about them and their consequences than they seem to themselves. In thinking that, I've come to the conclusion - it's OKAY I'm "getting a life".
Hearing about Angel breaks my heart - I understand why it infuriates you - she was free - at least seemingly.
You are so right when you say addiction affects everyone.
Love & hugs.
In as much as I miss my daughter at times, I must say that my life is rather peaceful without all the drama of putting up with an addict. Her husband did me a favor by having her withdraw from me. It took me a long time to realize this. Yes I have lost my girl, but I have gained a life! My life! I'm telling you this Barbara, to let you know that there is hope!
What a horrible day. You need a break from all this Barbara...a time for you and you alone
And it will continue to affect you and others around the addict until each of us makes a decision to let them go and to work on us. That seems to be hard to understand--that we are as sick as the addict in some ways by totally focusing on what they are doing. I am glad to have those things that I enjoy and have a life where I can focus on myself. It isn't selfish, it is self-preservation.
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