Happy New Year!

We've been through a lot together over this last year (and the years before... Its my hope that this year brings peace to parents of addicts, and recovery to their loved ones.

(I did my decade in review on my other blog, I mentioned my 'parents of addicts" support group, thank you for being here.)

Peace, Hope and Love, Barbara

Merry Christmas from Barbara and Keven!

I am grateful to have my son home today.  I know not all of you are able to spend this holiday with your loved one.  I am thinking of those of you who are separated right now because of a rehab, jail, a job, or because they are using.  

I just want to remind all of us, time does make a difference.  It seems that most of the addicts I know are moving forward.  Last year Keven was in a rehab for Christmas, the year before he'd just been expelled from his senior year in high school for being under the influence, and four days after Christmas he took a handful of pills in a suicide attempt.  He's had sobriety and relapses many times since then but for today, he's doing well.

I've never completely lost hope, but I've also learned all about being cautiously optimistic.  

Another one...

Warning:  If you are in a joyful holiday mood, save reading this for another day (or never) its not pleasant, but it is important.

In the last few months there have been several deaths in our little circle of people we (Keven and me) know.

Last night at Family Group ANOTHER one was announced.

3 from Cornerstone
2 of Kelsey's friends
1 of Keven's old buddies
1 of Keven's good friends

That's deaths that I have personally heard about...just one person heard of 7 deaths in the last few months.

The latest one, a guy from Cornerstone, may have intentionally overdosed according to Keven which I am sure is a rumor going around.  No one will ever know, and does it matter?

In two weeks Anthony is coming home.  Thankfully his grandmother is letting him live with her for a month because there is no way I want him here - we are coveting our peace and quiet.

I am afraid for Anthony.  He's NEVER made it.

Do you remember what was happening last January?

He was out of jail for ELEVEN days, used at his sober living home and ended up on LIFE SUPPORT!

Once he was better he went to another rehab and somehow from there he got busted again and was sent to prison for _______ months, which equals TEN MONTHS time served.

He told his gf that the first thing he wants to do is go to a meeting.  That sounds great.  I hope he does something different because I think he's living on borrowed time as it is, he's not going to have many more chances and he will end up dead...like his mother :(





Peace, Hope and Love, Barbara

A Better Year for Most of Us

After reading many blogs yesterday I saw a hopeful "trend" of  many of our loved addicts being in a better place this Christmas.  I am very sad that Ron's son is in jail, I think its ridiculous, but on the bright side he had been doing super good up to that point, huge change from last Christmas.

Some have come home from jail/prison, others will be home soon.

Some are in Residential Treatment or other types of treatment right now.

Some are on their own but managing to stay clean.

Some have a long time of sobriety behind them (Bmelonlemonade for one).

For those of you who have a child or other loved one still using, I understand.  Its painful.  Hoping, fear, praying, worry, crying, anger, hopelessness, whatever the emotion may be I still feel them all, but at a much lesser level.  Please hang in there, it may take a long time (I hope not) but from what I am seeing MOST addicts eventually get to the point that they are just done with it.  For some its longer than others.


I'll be honest, Anthony will be home in 15 days.  My stomach is in knots when I think of it because he's 23 now and he's been in and out of trouble with drugs and crime since he was 14 (when his dad left him in stolen car since he was a juvenile and would get a lighter sentence!)  I can't say I have high hopes for him but damn it, I want to be wrong.

My son is doing well at the moment.  I am not naive enough to thing he's "done" but I do have a strong hope for that.

I will be thinking of each and every one of you this Christmas.  I am so thankful for this group of bloggers, you have been my support group, my role models, my friends with loving arms and warm words (cyber hugs can be felt, I can feel them!).

THANK YOU!!!!!  

Peace, Hope and Love, Barbara

P.S. Keven at age ?? months, my little teddy bear :)

I need to:

CATCH UP on all your blogs tomorrow.  I am reading a few here and there but my goal is to find out how each and every one of you is doing and then stay caught up.

Can you tell I am in a weird mood?  I think the rain around here has made my brain soggier than usual. I'm not used to it.  Normally I love it but enough is enough already!!!!




Peace, Hope and Love, Barbara

I Got To Meet One of You Today!!!

I had the PLEASURE of meeting Lisa C today!  It was like being with a long time friend even though we had never met.  She is even more wonderful in person than on her blog (if you can imagine that!).  Oh how I wish we could ALL meet up someplace.  I think other people that know what we experience as parents of addicts can be understanding and empathetic, but there is no way you can KNOW what it feels like unless you've been in the unwanted shoes.

Lisa and I talked about how it is to find a new blogger just starting out on this "journey" and remembering having the exact same reactions and ideas when we were new to all this.  I just want to encourage those people by saying:  There will be a day when you can sit and laugh and have a wonderful time again.  I sure did today!

Peace, Hope and Love, Barbara

Processing Thoughts on a Funeral....

Wow.  The funeral service for Gilbert was very intense.  Very.  I have to talk about it so here goes:

First of all, Keven, his friend and I were the only non-Mexican people there.  The service was in Spanish and English and the pastor did a great job of flowing back and forth between the two languages in a very natural way, I was impressed by that.

I was not prepared for an open casket.  There Gilbert was, looking so incredibly handsome, with a peaceful smile on his face, but he was DEAD. I have seen quite a few dead people before but he didn't look dead at all.  He looked like he was sleeping and I kept expecting him to open his eyes any minute.  It was painful to see him like that.  His two daughters had drawn pictures and they were in the casket next to him.  He also has a son I was not aware of, he was about 11, adorable, sweet boy.

The thing that made it intense (other than the obvious fact that he is dead) was that he was at one time a gang member but was no longer active in the gang because he was older and had a family.  But you could tell a lot of people that spoke were still angry with him and bitter about his gang lifestyle.  Most of that talk was in Spanish but one guy that got up to speak gave a great speech on why that part of Gilbert's life was over, that the bad things he did were in the far past, that we needed to focus on the positives, forgive and let go of any hurt or anger.

I also learned that he suffered with the heartache of knowing how his addiction hurt his family, his mother, his children, his wife.  They talked about how he was out of pain now, no longer suffering, no longer looking for peace through drugs.

Mostly people talked about his smile, how wonderful he was.  And my son got up there and (I swear I'm not bragging - this is just how it went down) did the best speech of all.  Why was it good?  Because he just spoke so innocently and honestly the truth and by doing that he made everyone laugh really hard (the only laughter of the whole service) and everyone went "awwwww" and I think he said some things that needed to be said.  Yet I know Keven didn't PLAN it that way, it just came out that way.

He told the story of how they met at probabtion and how he was a bit surprised when this gang looking guy (you can tell from the tats on the neck) sat down and started talking.  He said "the next thing you know Gilbert had invited me to his mom's for the best frijoles in the world."  Then he said how much his daughters loved him because when they saw him they would each grab onto one of his legs and not let go and he'd walk around with them like that.  He talked about how Gilbert asked to see how Keven lived so he brought him down here to South OC and Gilbert felt out of place at the mall, but at home at Keven's house.  He talked about how he felt cared about and safe with Gilbert, how they could talk about deep things and he trusted him, etc. etc.  It was very moving and I think it showed everyone there a side to Gilbert they weren't aware of (the side that had a gringo for a friend!).

Then Gilbert's son spoke.  Wow.  Just a child, a little boy.  Losing his dad in such a horrible way at such a young age.

Gilbert's father spoke in Spanish so I didn't get much of it, but he cried even though he tried so hard not to.

It was very emotional.  I just can't get over how he looked so non-dead.  I never, ever, ever want to see my son in one of those caskets or hear of any of your sons, daughters or loved ones in one of them either.  It was painful to see this young man - so full of life when I saw him weeks ago - gone.  A shell.

Thanks, I needed to share this.




Peace, Hope and Love, Barbara