Another Big Day in Court

Hmmm, it seems this phrase has passed through my lips several times, but this time, it really is "a critical day in court for Keven".

Judge L. will either decide to:

a) send  him back to monitored living at Cornerstone which would be our choice
b) send him back to extended care living at Cornerstone which would cost us more money
c) kick his ass out of the program and make him serve his prison term and be a lifelong felon
d) something else

I am pretty confident it will be A or B thanks to our amazing and much loved attorney.

I never thought I'd hire an attorney, but because I did he's had someone fighting for him, and trust me it makes a huge difference.  Its angers and saddens me that the majority of people (us included until recently) have to get by with a Public Defender that doesn't really even know them.  Our attorney has become a big part of Keven's life. She calls him, she takes his calls collect from jail, she sends him encouraging texts out of the blue just to see how he is.  She calls, texts and emails me often.  But the best thing is she chose to work ONLY with drug addicts, its become a passion for her.  She is highly respected in our court.  I'm not too worried about tomorrow.

Peace, Hope and Love, Barbara

Blog Dilemma

I used to have another blog (many of you checked it out from time to time) where I wrote about my life or anything that I found interesting, controversial, funny, etc.  Since my former employer print out pages of that blog to use against me recently, I decided to close it.  It no longer felt like home, maybe that's how a person feels after an intruder has been in their home - violated.  Of course there's a big difference between a public blog and a private home.  Maybe I'm just being dramatic.

But, nevertheless, I stopped writing there and now if I want to share something that is not related to addiction or recovery I will be sharing it here.  That feels weird to me too.  I am a very compartmentalized blogger for some reason...weird, huh?

So the dilemma is:

- do I just not write about personal/interesting stuff anymore
- do I write about those things here and just not care that it doesn't follow the "topic"
- do I change the name of the blog so its more all encompassing
- do I just quit making such a big deal out of such a silly little thing as this

I'll be pondering all this, and welcome any thoughts or opinions.

In the meantime I will share a picture of Keven that one of his friends sent me.  Now, can anyone tell me why on earth he's wearing a hat like this at the beach!?!  LOL

Peace, Hope and Love, Barbara

Two Kinds of Cops

I've had more contact with Law Enforcement in the last five years than in the rest of my life combined.  It seems to me that there are two types of police officers.

Type A is the macho tough guy/gal who becomes a cop so he/she can be in a position of authority, control and power.  Type B becomes a cop to serve and protect their community.

Both types have called me on the phone, come to my house, searched my house, arrested my son on many occasions.  One time, when I was still relatively new to all this, one cop actually yelled at me, and another cop, who witnessed it apologized for his partner and was very empathetic.

I'm writing about this because in the last two days I have been assited by two Type B cops.  One yesterday when my car broke down ON THE FREEWAY!  He pushed me to safety with his car and stayed with me till the tow truck got there (btw - $1,680 in repairs!).

Then today, after a week of me trying to obtain one of Keven's two bicycle keys from either CS or the jail, I finally had his keys released to me through the jail.  I drove to where his bike has been locked up (outside the probation office where he was taken into custody last Thurs.) only to find that someone had been trying to steal the bike and had crushed the lock, rendering it useless.

Earlier in the week I had tried to get one of the officers around there (there's also a Sheriff substation nearby) to cut the lock for me.  But the one I asked was a Type A.  Today I lucked out.  I asked a different cop and he was a Type B!  He didn't even check to make me prove I was the owner, I think he KNEW I was telling the truth.  He left me by the bike for a few minutes and came back with a huge bolt-cutter and two other cops (guys like to watch other guys cut locks, I guess?) and he used all his strength and cut the damn lock off so I was able to get the bike!

I told the three of them they were  my heroes and they thanked me and said they didn't hear that often enough.  I was tempted to explain my theory about the types of cops...but thought better of it :)

(I dated a Type A cop years ago but it didn't last long because he was way too controlling and intense).

Peace, Hope and Love, Barbara

A New Blog to Check Out!

Hello Everyone,

The other day I got a comment from a young man named Ross who has started a blog.  He's 24, a recovering addict/alcoholic and his blog is incredibly good.  He's articulate, interesting and shares recovery from his perspective - which to me is so valuable in understanding my own son.

Check him out, he would like some readers so pass the word, thanks!

"Life of A Recovering Addict"


Peace, Hope and Love, Barbara

Job Interview

Thanks for all of you who asked how the interview went and wished me luck with it.  It went well, she is going to choose a few people to have back for a second interview before she decides and I have a strong feeling I will be included in that group.

But (I hate buts) it was not what I had expected it to be like.  I was picturing something like where Keven is - each of the residents/clients live in houses in the same vicinity, but they all meet together at least twice a day at the big main office for their groups, individual counseling and meetings.  In other words - the office staff interacts with the residents, the other staff, the families....and that's what appealed to me.  Being around lots of different people that I could relate to and having some interaction with them, even if it was just simple and minimal interaction.  For example...when the office staff at CS sees Keven, they know him by name and ask how he is.  I was envisioning that type of environment.

This situation is totally different.  I would be in a small office with four other women.  No interaction with clients or staff.  The office deals with insurance and billing ONLY.   I am not sure if  I could deal with that.  My favorite part of every job I've ever had is interacting with people whether they be vendors, associates, staff, etc.

So can I afford to be picky at this point?  I think not, but I also hate to take a job just for the money and end up dreading it, that's not fair to them or to me.  I will have to think about it if I am offered a second interview.

Peace, Hope and Love, Barbara

"Angel"

Years ago on a blog that is long gone, I wrote a lot about a young friend of mine who was in the depths of drug addiction.  I called her "Angel" to keep her anonymity.  At the time I had no idea that is was the beginning of my "training" in addiction; Keven was just a kid 12 or 13 when Angel started using.

Angel was like a daughter to me in some ways, but also a friend.  I loved her intensely.  I did all I could do for her.  I made mistakes that I thought were helping.  I learned so much about what an addict went through, etc.  I also know her family so got my first glimpse of what a parent goes through.

Eventually Angel got clean and I rejoiced, celebrated and ENJOYED her for three years.  Then last year the old Angel started to show up.  I honestly didn't think it was drugs at first - I thought her behavior was a direct result of getting involved with the scumbag that fed her addiction for years.  But then it became to obvious to ignore.  For the last year I have watched my Angel sink lower and lower into that ugly, dark place.

I was with her yesterday and she was on Meth.  I never brought it up - it was too obvious, why bother.  She was so out there I don't think she knew or cared if I knew.  Its heartbreaking.  She's suppose to be moving out of state today for a job promotion.  Her dad is driving 16 hours with her to her new home.  I'm sure she'll find a new supplier of drugs soon after she settles in.

I still love this young lady very much, but have let go of her - if you know what I mean.  She will be 26 this month.  I hope its not her last birthday.


Peace, Hope and Love, Barbara

P.S.  Today is a big day for me for two reasons, will write more later have to get going!

"Take a chill pill!"

That's what I said to myself this morning after reading the post I wrote last night.  I was feeling over-sensitive and defensive.  I was not following one of my main life mottos:  Respond, don't react.

I've been a bit wound up the last two weeks over an issue that has nothing to do with Keven, Ant, drugs....it has to do with an unemployment hearing I attended.

Every day I open the mailbox expecting the letter that says I lost my appeal, but hoping to find a letter that says I won.  No letter yet but I did get something from them yesterday that makes me thing just maybe the judge believed me even though it was five against one.  To me their dishonesty was very clear, but I still thought he'd side with them since they tried very hard to discredit my character, even using Keven's addiction against me!

So maybe, just maybe I will be awarded unemployment.  I'm looking daily for a job and have not even had an INTERVIEW yet.


Peace, Hope and Love, Barbara