Lisa at "Loving an Addict" wrote something on her blog today that really hit me:
My expectations are that my son will never be truly "concerned" with my well being. My expecations are that my son will make his decisions based on what is most interesting/best for him; without thinking about others, including but not being limited to me. My son will continue to run his life in a somewhat selfish mode, even if it doesn't include drugs.
I feel this same way. Occasionally Kev will say "how are you, Mom?" or ask what's new with me but I always feel like its an expected pre-requisite to please me.
Many of us have shared about the characteristics of an addict and noticed that our addicted loved ones seem to be cut of the same cloth! Being self-centered is one of those lovely attributes of my boy. He's very self focused and always puts his wants first.
Do you think this is one of those traits of an addict? Or do addicts develop this trait because of the way the drugs/alcohol affects their thinking? Or, is it just a coincidence that many of them seem to be this way?
Peace, Hope and Love, Barbara
4 comments:
Barbara,
While this obsession with self seems "selfish", the fact is addicts are self rejecting, and in reality his self obsessive behavior is a futile effort to make himself feel better by "licking his wounds", filling up the emptiness. It will dissappear when he learns to love himself.
It is what alcoholics/addicts do who are not truly recovered. Even alcoholics who aren't drinking can have this characteristic because they have not worked the steps, are not aware of what others feel, and simply do not know how to have a relationship with anyone. I have written about this a lot. Being aware of what they are doing and what their part is helps them to move towards doing for others and not just for themselves.
I don't know if I completely agree with you, Syd, because there is a lot of "selfishness" in the world that has nothing to do with addictive behavior. I think it is much more complex than that. Now that I've said that, I do agree that if an addict/alcoholic does not work on himself/herself, his/her beliefs, attitude, caring, and find ways to believe in him/herself, the self-absorption will continue.
Hi Barbara,
I am sorry that your are out of work but glad to read your l blog. I will buy my next books through your amazon links.
My addict has always lacked empathy. She has some but way below the usual amount.
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