Happy Belated Thanksgiving to any of you who read this. I've been catching up on blogs this morning and so far, mostly positive reports on what's going on with you and your families. And as always, some very inspiring and encouraging posts. I appreciate the blogs in this "community" and although wish we would have met for another reason - I am SO grateful we "met".
Keven was not allowed home for Thanksgiving because he did not put his pass in on time. He really thought he could talk his way into it (typical addict thinking) so I was VERY relieved that they did not buy his "but I wasn't home last year and it would mean so much to my mom" line. We have a small family to begin with and with Keven gone and my niece and great-nephew living in Germany it was super small this year, but that was fine with me (the turkey was extra good and there was more of it!)
Unfortunately I found out that he did use heroin last Saturday. I knew he was high but I thought "surely he's high on something other than that ....." Why did I think that? I was wrong. He confessed it to me and said he wants to tell his sponsor, his case manager and the guys at his house but he CAN'T. He tested clean so they will never know, but he hates lying about his real clean date.
The reason he can't tell is because of the court program. He will get kicked out if he messes up one more time which means a felony and prison. I happen to know that his attorney could probably keep that from happening if he messed up ONCE (she told me this) but he doesn't know that.
It bothers me that he can't be honest without losing his opportunity to stay in recovery but it is what it is, right?
He also told me how difficult it is for him to be around me, my sis and my mom. He loves us and appreciates us but being around us after all he's put us through the last few years makes him so uncomfortable that he can't force himself to be friendly, he just wants to avoid us. I am not sure what to think about that but its true...we will drive to and from his house to here every Saturday and not say more than a few sentences to each other the whole time.
So, he's coming home today. I don't think he will use again but hey - I didn't think he'd use last week.
Peace, Hope and Love, Barbara
4 comments:
Praying for a peaceful weekend visit for all and that Keven finds the path will lead him to an honest, real, and healthy life for himself. ((HUG))
Hi Barbara,
Long time no blog xo
I am reading renewed hope here.
Recovery can drain all of us that
are going through it or supporting someone we love through it.It is a life long journey huh ? You always
seem to have enough self honesty that
keeps acceptance opened,I appreciate you sharing with those of us who can relate.Thank you for sharing.
Tab xo
Wishing you all the best. I hope that things will go well for Keven and that this time is different.
Hugs to you Barbara... It's a tough one - he could tell if he wanted to, and take his "licks" - it seems his sponsor would be safe to confide in?
But if it's a one-off and he truly is remorseful, hopefully lesson learned. I am glad he told you - I hope that is a good sign
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