There is a lesson in this for me: Just wait out the storm, and it will pass.
Keven has calmed down and is once again "doing well" at his rehab. The first few days there were horrible because his PO put him on a 90 day lock-down because she was angry at him and that was her punishment. The rules of the rehab are 30 days, but she has the final authority over almost everything in his life.
He ranted and raved and threatened, and as usual I got sucked into it and was very upset. I have gotten better, I didn't fret as much or as for long as usual and I made myself less available to him. But still, I went through a few hellish days of worry, anger and concern.
Because of our awesome attorney and the counselors at "United", he finally settled down. I know my son and he was reacting to the "unfairness" of the situation. From a very early age I have taught him that life is not fair and told him that people who didn't accept that fact were miserable at times. Its not easy to accept when you have a strong sense of justice and want things to be equal for everyone. I'm an idealist at heart, but some things require me to be realistic (I hate that!)
Life doesn't operate on fairness or justice. When a drunk driver kills your daughter as she walks to school and then gets a light sentence for it, where is the fairness? If the parent wants justice for the child, he/she can murder the drunk driver but then they lose their freedom. No one ever wins, you just have to accept the things your can't change and move forward the best you can.
I feel that Anthony's brother is going to get a very stiff sentence for a very minor violation, and Anthony may be walking out of jail in a month or two after all the shit he's done in the last few months. NOT FAIR. Ant wants to take his brother's sentence but I don't think that's an option (but it would be fair!).
I always think I am going to write a short post, but then I go on and on. I will end here with these words:
I have always found that mercy bears richer fruits than strict justice.
--Abraham Lincoln
It is essential that justice be done, and it is equally vital that justice not be confused with revenge, for the two are wholly different.
--Oscar Aria
The law isn't justice. It's a very imperfect mechanism. If you press exactly the right buttons and are also lucky, justice may show up in the answer. A mechanism is all the law was ever intended to be.
--Raymond Chandler
A court is a place where what was confused before becomes more unsettled than ever.
--Henry Waldorf Francis
Many things in life are not fair but all things should be.
-- Michael Josephson
It is much more difficult to know what is fair than what is unfair.
-- Michael Josephson
When circumstances are unfair, you can show good character by continuing to do the best you can do.
--Donna Forrest
Never let bitterness follow unfairness. Bitterness only hurts you.
-- Donna Forrest
Peace, Hope and Love,
Barbara
2 comments:
Excellent post about fairness,...or should I say, sometimes lack of fairness. How true. And I'm SOOO happy to hear of Keven's improvement in attitude !! :) I must say it again...I so love his attorney. He's really lucky to have all of these people pulling for him. Good to hear.
Blake is so much like Keven. Eventually, if his head becomes clear the outbursts, threats, tantrums will subside. Often not soon enough for me.
When he behaves like that I have learned I have to back off.
It is hard not to get caught up in their drama but, one of us has to have our feet on the ground and not be so nutty.
You are a strong Woman and handle this mess with such grace!
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