December 30, 2011

Don't Even Ask

The last few days have been awful.  What else is new right?  I can deal with this, my mother can't.  She's 87 years old and helped me raise Keven.  He's more than a grandson to her - he brought her so much joy when he was a kid, they were so close.  She'd even dress herself up on Halloween cause he got such a kick out of it (she is not the type to do such a thing - it was like he brought out a side to her none of us had ever seen before).  Now she's constantly worried and upset.  I am so mad at him for doing this.

I've been reading your blogs, just not in a commenting mood but am praying and caring.

Peace, Hope and Love, Barbara

19 comments:

Bristolvol said...

I know what you are talking about. My stepmom who died in October had to go without ever speaking to my daughter again. (it's been 4 years since she had heard from her). Growing up, my kids spent almost every summer with her in Germany. They were her "substitute kids" because she never had any of her own. So sad...

Terri said...

I hate to hear this about your mom. Another example of how addiction is not fair and that there is a lot more damage done than people that haven't lived with it can even imagine. I'll keep all you in my thoughts and prayers.

notmyboy said...

I always wonder how our kids deal with all the pain they caused when, God willing, they find sobriety? It must be too much to bear. That is the position my son finds himself currently.

You are in my prayers, Barbara.

Dad and Mom said...

Just curious, does your mother read your blog and other blogs you read?

Annette said...

I was just checking blogs and thought if I didn't see a post from you here, I was emailing you because I was getting worried about you! Can you take your mom to an Alanon or a Naranon meeting? Poor little thing. She sounds so sweet. I'm thinking about you everyday and praying.

Jarred said...

My thoughts are with you, and now also your mother. (((Barbara)))

Maija said...

Feeling very much the same, but you are in my thoughts....

Anonymous Mom said...

DANG IT! I just sat here and replied to every comment but Blogger ate them!

Here is a recap of my comments:
Thank you everyone.
No my mom doesn't read my blog, she hates computers unless its to see a cute animal video.
She's been to family meetings at all the rehabs but never Al-Anon, she won't go.

I needed you all this morning, thanks for being here.

beachteacher said...

Oh Barbara,...this so sucks...don't know how else to say it. And SO unfair to your mom, obviously. :( I see it as Keven's inability/unwillingness(whatever you would call it) to feel his feelings result in your mom feeling her own painful feelings times ten(or more!). I realize that the chemical brain changes that were created by using cause repeated urges to use again and again, but that resistance to feeling difficult feelings is what it always seems to have started with. UGH.
Annette said it best about looking to see if you'd written...and being concerned. I was thinking the exact same thing! But I certainly do understand why you're not feeling like writing or commenting at all in the first place. And notmyboy also hit it on the head too....which does set them up to relapse to again escape their remorse at past destruction...ugh. BUT, wow,...if they could get into their heads that ALL that's important is what they do going forward, to keep in recovery...then more positive things will keep happening.
I'm hoping that is in Keven and your future,and that your mom can see it happen. I am now adding her to my prayer list.
Peace and hugs to you in cyberspace. I've been thinking about you so much. I pray that 2012 will bring better times for you.

bugerlugs63 said...

Hi Barbara,
I hope the New Year brings some good changes for you and your Mum.
It isn't fair I know. I don't know what else to say.

Notmyboy and anyone else, can I just say when I last got clean, one of the things that drove me back to gear was not being able to deal with the guilt from the pain I'd caused. It is too much to bear. Which in turn keeps us using . . . To numb the pain. Round and round we go.

Bristolvol said...

I wish I was closer, we'd go to something fun! Hang in there. Maybe the New Year will bring some relief. Love, hope and serenity!

kc bob said...

This one brought tears to my eyes Barbara. My heart so breaks for you, your sister and for your mom. Even so, I will hope with you for a better new year.

Anna said...

Barbara,

I am glad you reappeared. I was going to email you too. My mother in law never went to alanon but she did read some of the literature especially the One Day AT A Time book.She lived right next door to us and had a very close bond with Beth as they are both artists.

Tori said...

The pain B caused my Mom as she helped me raise him too, was far worse for me to watch then anything he did to me. B still (I think) just blocked out all that he has done to all of us but especially her. It still makes me mad that he hasn't sat down with her and apologize.

My heart aches for you, it is awful watching our older Mothers suffer. With my mom I know she helped him so much because she wanted so badly for him to be better before she leaves us. I can't tell you how many times I would beg B to leave her alone and he wouldn't.

I just feel so bad for you and your Mom. I wish there was something I could do, but please knowi am always here for you.

Anonymous said...

Dear Barbara,
I am so sorry that you have to watch your mom being so hurt and upset. My love and prayers are being sent to both of you. Hang in there!
Shelley in SK

Dawn said...

I'm so sorry for all that you are going thru. My heart aches for you and your mom. When I hear stories like this I am glad my mother never has known or been involved but, it has been a long lonely road to go down on my own.
If my husband ignores it, it will go away (right?!) and family stopped asking years ago. Sad but true - it is what it is. I pray that Keven is getting tired of this and ready to stop! Take care of YOU!

Anonymous said...

Praying for you all...it's all we can do sometimes. Not starting out as a banner year here either. I HATE addiction and all that it entails.

Syd said...

So many family members suffer because of alcoholism and drug addiction. It takes a lot of people down other than the user.

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