I try to find the positive in everything. With addiction its very difficult to find anything remotely positive, but with Anthony's meltdown and addict behaviors over the last week the positive is that Keven and Kesly get to see what its like to deal with an addict.
They see what their addiction has put their family through. Its a good lesson, but still hard to watch them learn this the hard way.
Anthony needs to be hospitalized. He is not sane, he is not safe. He has been threatening suicide for days and just called and told me if I did not let him spend the night here he would kill himself.
I said NO.
I offered to take him to the hospital but he said he doesn't want to go. I just hope and pray that his grandparents are safe with him in the house. I told his grandma today that they should call the police the moment they felt threatened or scared or if he got too wild and out of control.
Keven is not taking his calls.
If he calls me again I might drive over there but call the police and have them meet me at his house. Shit...that would be ballsy of me but I don't know what else to do - - - he is a danger to himself and others and I want him locked up.
Do I ignore his calls or do I intervene? He hung up on me when I said no to him so maybe he won't call me back. Its not my problem...
but it sort of is. I've come this far with him, the least I could do is have him tossed back in prison, right? For his own safety.
It hurts to know he's suffering, but he's also very mean and nasty about it, Keven would internalize most of his agony - Ant does the opposite and is BLAMING all of us for his problems.
Addiction is ugly.
I guess I will try to sleep and hope that he stays home and doesn't do anything stupid or dangerous.
Thanks for all of your care and concern.
Peace, Hope and Love, Barbara
8 comments:
I HATE being in those situations where if you call you are bringing the fire of God on them by immersing them more deeply into the system...but if you don't they could end up dead or hurting someone else. I hate trying to make those decisions so much.
I will say though that I always ended up leaning on the side of throwing them back into the system, because flawed as it is, they are alive and their actions brought them to the place of having to be put back into the system. Where there is breath there is hope.
Barbara,
You know what to do with Ant. What are your boundaries? Is there anything in your boundary that says you will take a call, be manipulated, have your feelings hurt or support an addict in active addiction? And, you can't be involving yourself in his life either to get him locked up or into treatment.
Focus your energies on Keven and support him in his efforts to resist Ant's corruption. Quite frankly you have a good opportunity with Keven. The rest of his life there will be many, many Anthony's now is the time for both of you to learn effective strategies to resist relapse.
Annette, you're write, where there is breath there is hope. Which ironically makes me think back to last January where there was no breath in his body, he was being kept alive through a machine that did his breathing for him. But...he survived that only to use again, and again, and again. I just want him to stay away from me and my family. Sad but true.
Ron, yep. You're right. My ONLY concern is Keven. Well, I also have concern for Ant's grandparents who are in their late 70's and not in good health. I've become close to his grandmother.
My strategy: not to take calls from him. Not to see him. Just to let consequences happen. And to keep encouraging Keven to do the same when he weakens, as I know he will. He's too much like me in some ways....
I have been known to go to a payphone and give a parole officer information on an anonymous basis.
At that point, I've told someone who might be able to do something about it. I've kept myself out of the repercussions, should the individual get pissed off. I give it to God then, and trust that He is way better able to work in the life of the person I am concerned about. Just my way, not the right way, or the best way. Gives me a little peace.
Your boundaries seem very appropriate to me. And as Dad said, there are many many Anthony's out there who will cross Keven's path.... I am praying that he will be erecting and maintaining his own rock solid boundaries!!
Hugs (big ones!) and prayers!
HBS,
I am not opposed to calling his PO if things continue to be crazy.
There will be others out there that will tempt Keven with drugs, etc. but I don't think there will be another Anthony. Keven met him when he was a young teen and, as all the other young male teens in their circle, he was immediately taken in by his combination of charm and being a bad-ass. Keven and Ant's real brother were both "under his spell" and would do anything for him. I say WERE because I hope to God that both Timmy and Keven have moved beyond that. I know Keven's respect for him has dissolved into disgust and I am glad. Kev understands the addict behavior, but Ant has also done some very immoral and cruel things in recent weeks. Its been an eye opener for all of us.
Sometimes you have to circle the wagons and protect your own family. You are not easily offended or scared so I am sure you have good reason.
damn Barbara,....I'm so sorry. Please keep working on protecting yourself. I am sad to read all of this....just sad.
Barbara, I think that I would stay far away from Anthony. He is a mess right now. And he has lost his support base (you) and his adoration club (Keven). He has to face himself which no doubt is terrifying him. Hopefully, he will get arrested and go back to prison. At least then, he will have some measure of routine and responsibility. There are so many who just don't get it, whether alcoholic or addict. Maybe one day Anthony will get the message.
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