May 13, 2011

So Much for Being Grateful....

Today I am angry, disappointed, hurt, worried and ANGRY.

I've come to find out that Keven is not taking his recovery as seriously as he should if he truly wants to get better.  He's not using but he's walking a fine line.  I can't help but wonder how much this has to do with him being so close to his buddy Jon who is the person who got him started on this in the first place.  I'm not saying Keven is incapable of making bad choices on his own - he's a pro at that.  But when two addicts are together you know how much easier it is to fall.  I was told that although the two rehabs share a building the residents don't interact much, but my source tells me they do.

I am really upset.

But....I am going out tonight to hear music for the first time in a long time.  I rather crawl in bed and watch mindless TV till I pass out but this is the only life I have, so I better start living it rather than allowing his disease to make me sick too.

Peace, Hope and Love, Barbara


Sue said...

I hate it when those grateful days are followed by the other variety. It makes me feel like I've failed, and then the guilt swirls in, and then I'm in a major spin.


I'm so glad to hear you're going out to hear some live music tonight. That sounds like one of them nourishing thangs to do for you.

So sad to hear about Keven and Jon being together. How f#&*)ng frustrating.

Anna said...

I am glad you are doing something fun tonight.

Bristolvol said...

I always try to take care of myself. Like you said, you have one life and you also have a choice every day. You can allow Keven's disease to drag you down or you can live your own life to the fullest. Either way it won't have much influence on Keven. He'll do what he wants to. It seems to me that we want recovery for our addicts a lot more than they want it for themselves. Hope you are having a great time tonight.

BMelonsLemonade said...

In response to the last paragraph...hell yeah. Going out to listen to music is EXACTLY what you should do! (I do believe you told me the same thing last week.) Music is powerful, and healing. Enjoy yourself.

yaya said...

our addicts spend more time in our heads than we do.

go listen to live music. it is powerful.

God Bless

Anonymous Mom said...

Sue, its is frustrating. With all the rehabs around here, they just happen to end up at the same one at the same time and ANTHONY might join them soon, I hope not.

Anna, thank you. It was the right thing to do, had a really nice time

Helga, words of wisdom for sure. I KNOW this stuff but I don't always apply it when I need it most,

BMelon, that does sound familiar :) Yes it helped!


beachteacher said...

oh goodness...Yaya is so damn right. Glad you went for the music. :)

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