I never in a million years would have believed I'd be the type of person to dress up a dog - or even own a small dog! But I am :)
Saw Keven again last night. I can see in his eyes that he's scared, plus he told me he was. He said he never wants to go through this again. His foray into Bath Salts really did a number on him. He told me that he'd hallucinated on drugs before but he was always aware that he was high and that it would wear off. But with Bath Salts he was convinced everything around him was really happening and he didn't know how to escape, other than calling 911 on himself.
Today is the first day since Monday that he's felt "normal" (i.e. he's not sleeping all day, he can think clearly). He wants help. He wants to make it.
Now of course I've heard this all before and believed it a few times...but I seriously think that this experience shook him up bad enough to POSSIBLY cause him to take recovery seriously. My mom, sis and I have decided that we will pay for another residential treatment (out of the four he's been in we've only paid for one, 2 were county beds and 1 was a scholarship). Luckily we found one that his insurance covers at 80% so our amount will be $1000 each. I don't have $1000 but am working on selling a few gold $20 coins that are worth about 1,500 each. Its worth it to me. Gold coins are nothing, my son is everything.
He told me where he had some drugs hidden in his room from his last visit here so I flushed it last night. He said there is nothing else in the house. (side note - the other day Anthony told me that he had gear stashed all over the county in different places so that if he scored some dope he'd be prepared. Is that common?)
I searched my soul about this and think its the right thing to do for Keven. One last chance for him to make it happen for himself. Please don't tell me its the wrong thing to do, I don't want to throw him in the streets right now.
Peace, Hope and Love, Barbara
27 comments:
Barbara, do what you are comfortable with. If he wants rehab, go for it. It would be worth finding out (if it's possible) why he doesn't stick with the rehab. What is the trigger that makes him throw everything away, every time? Also, ask him, why he thinks this time it is different. Maybe if he is more aware as to why he is going into rehab, and why he throws it away, he might be more successful. Make him explore his choices before he makes them. He should not go to rehab because you want him to. I wish him all the best.
Wow, look at you. What a stunning picture of you, you gorgeous thing :)
Barbara, Again, you have got to do what you can live with. There is no condemnation in that. And really while there is a lot of wisdom here in our blogger world, you have to live with your situation day to day. So make your decisions based on what you can manage. ((HUG))
The puppy looks just adorable.
I would say that if you found a long term rehab for 3000.00 it is certainly worth a shot. I would also like to know the name of it and how it goes. I hope that my daughter will use it at some point in the future.
If you had said that it was going to cost you 20,000 or some other more typical cost I would have said to send him to a charitable rehab if he wants to go.
Bless your huge, forgiving heart. When Keven is ready, he will know he is a person worthy of love.
wow...I love love what Lou said...as well as agreeing with the others. And say hallelujah for ANY treatment even partially covered by insurance ! I'm keeping on praying for Keven's willingness and continued motivation to do the hard work that staying clean and really working his recovery will mean.
And you look so great....and Sugar is awesome in the outfit !! :)
BTW - I love the picture!
Lots of love to you. I think you're doing the right thing. :)
You DO look amazing. Own it!
I'm glad there is still an option... I was thinking Keven had exhausted every possibility. I think if you are willing and have the means (or at least sort of), and he seems to want it, then do it. I just know I would probably try anything for one of my kids.
Merry Christmas. I am glad you are concentrating on celebrating! This time of year can be quite healing.
Merry Christmas. I am glad you are concentrating on celebrating! This time of year can be quite healing.
You've got to try everything you can as long as there's even a shred of hope. I think shows how much you, your mom and your sister love him and I agree with Lou, I hope some day he feels worthy of that love.
BTW, Sugar is adorable!!! My dogs have been known to wear tutus now and again. :)
I LOVE the pictue of your puppy. My dog gets mad at me everytime I dress her up. You look great as well.
Bless you and your decision to help Keven again. Let's pray that he is at the point that he is ready to receive this help.
Thanks, as always, for these great comments. Bristol - I will try to get him to think about those things and talk about them.
Rahime - I LOVE the pics of your two big girls (Great Danes!) and you in the fancy dress all preggers. How do they like the baby?
Barbara - Love the pic of you and your pup. I only have a cat - no way he'd allow me to come near him with a shred of clothing!
I was going to ask about Keven's program but I guess it's not about where it is or the length of time - only thing that matters is that he wants the program.
Your unconditional love for Keven blows me away. You are a hell of Mother you know, and you look good too!!!
What fabulous picture of you and Sugar!
I'm so glad there is such generous insurance coverage on this an those coins will be put to good use.
I was thinking that before entering the program perhaps a couple mentors could drive him around and accompany him to pick up and destroy the hidden paraphenalia with him. Might be a meaningful ritual to help solidify his decision to quit.
I think Residential Treatment is something good (and not enabling him). He'll be on his own there; and you all can get some peace of mind too knowing he is somewhere safe.
(i knew a mom that paid for her son apartment and cigarettes etc .. that is enabling so there was no reason for the young man in his early 20s to get better).
I hope this works for him. He is so young...
You are blessed with a good mom and sister... which is something that a lot of people do not have..
Keven has so many good women in his life doing things for his benefit.. he is blessed.. (maybe too young to realized that).
hugs to you all..
Love the dog...I am such a sucker for a dog. I would always be willing to help with recovery. I think you doing so well. Will continue to pray.
You look beautiful. =)
And the dog is adorable in her doggie clothes! LOL.
I would have done the same thing so what can I say? As long as there is life, there is hope. Like you said, what is a gold coin? (well....) =)
Hugs.
Great photo and glad that you are in the spirit of the season. I hope that it works for Keven. Maybe ask him what will make this time different. I wonder why rehab after rehab doesn't work for him. I hope that this time is the miracle.
Love the photo :-)
No-one can say it's wrong - It's up to you.
I hope its not just an alternative to being homeless in the winter. I'm not sure about over there, but over here it's quite easy to use in rehab . . . As usual, I hope I'm wrong.
It's peace of mind for you and I suppose if you didn't do it you might always wonder . . . What if?
I'm pleased you're getting Christmassy.
I sure do understand how you are feeling! What do you do? Say no to rehab? What if this is the time it works? How will I feel if I don't give him this chance? It has to be addressed day by dat- there is no clear cut answer is there?
For Christmas, we are going to give our son some clothing, underwear, shoes....that type of stuff. All will be from good low end stores. No True Religion jeans or whatever....he sold all the beautiful clothes we gave him in the past. He will get nothing of any monetary value.
I love your sweet pup dressed up for the holiday!!
Maija, We're on the same page with clothing our sons! Keven LOVES nice clothes but those days are gone. I think he has one pair of True Religions left and one pair of Rockin Republic, the rest were stolen and he will have to wear what I wore at his age: Levis. (he had a friend that used to steal nice jeans from Nordstroms and then sell them. They all had a hole where the kid cut out the thingy - can't think of what's it called but you know what I mean...the alarm thing.
Thanks, Barbara! Surprisingly, the dogs have been great with the baby. They like to sniff her and check up on how she's doing, but so far no problems. I'm not sure why, but I was kind of surprised by that. The cat likes to sleep with her...that's the only thing I'm worried about at this point. So far he just sleeps on her legs, but I try to keep him off just in case....at least until she can roll over and is a little bigger than him.
Barbara, I know I'm new here and didn't read all of the comments but I'm jumping right in with my own. I know you've visited my blog and if you read my bio you'll know I'm part of the Salvation Army. We have Adult Rehabilitation Centers all over the country. They are free. The programs differ and I don't know what part of the country you live in. Many of them have quality programs. Like many of the comments have stated, it really all starts with Keven and his desire to be in a program.
In an ARC program they can leave at will. We've had several men in with heroine addictions. It is vicious. But all addicts can find recovery when they are ready.
Praying the best for your family.
Thanks, Debby. I've been enjoying your blog. Thanks so much for stopping over here to share! I've heard great things about Salvation Army's ARC program, but (i hate using the word but!) its the one place both Anthony, Keven and several other addicts I know refuse to go. I know that's sad and it says a lot. It says they are not willing to totally give up themselves in humility and readiness to do whatever it takes. But, if he finds himself on the street with no where to go, perhaps he will reconsider. I hope so.
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