Not three words I would have chosen to describe either Keven or Anthony in the past, but (dare I even say it?) I see those things in BOTH of them right now. I definitely have that "this is too good to be true, it won't last" feeling but I am pushing those thoughts out of my head. I will enjoy this, I will be proud of it, I will praise them for it (but not too much) and expect it to continue. Then, if it doesn't, I will deal with it. Actually what I mean is - if either of them uses again.
Its such a bittersweet feeling.
You would not believe how these two have been lately (together and apart) and some of the conversations I've had with them. Anthony has grown up alot, has faced some things, humbly admitted some faults and is determined to be a good father and a good human being. He's given Keven some excellent words of wisdom that Keven would not "hear" from anyone else. Its so hard not to be hopeful, but always, always in the back of my mind is the big WHAT IF.
The fall hurts more the higher up you are, so I don't want to allow my expectations get too high.
I wasn't sure what it would be like when Ant got out - he's been calling me "Mama B" for a long time now, would that carry over? Would he still think of me as his "mom"? So far he's called every day to let me know what he's up to. I've seen him almost every day as well. He went to Family Group with us the other night and was a "big hit". He's the type of person that everyone likes, everyone flocks to, everyone thinks is "cool" (by everyone I mean most people in that age group). So Keven was beaming with pride to show off his "brother" and I had both my boys with me, it was a trip.
Hopefully things will continue to go well.
Peace, Hope and Love, Barbara
8 comments:
Awww, enjoy today. Its all we have. Who knows what tomorrow holds....but these are steps in the right direction for both of them. Very encouraging.
Barbara, I am so happy for your little family. Like Annette said, one day at a time. Enjoy!
Enjoy this wonderful day without expectations for tomorrow. God Bless.
Barbara,...I so understand the holding your breath feeling,..but am thrilled for you and for your guys ! It's such a wonderful thing to experience and see this, I'm sure. And I hope that you can just soak up the goodness of this and enjoy it,...without letting any future problems that haven't happened stealing any of your joy. They just may never come anyway ! I'm rooting for you all. :) This was a joy for me to read.
Lori
I am glad. Enjoy the time with your boys.
Hey Barbara, your hope and your positive attitude is something I so want to emulate. I agree with everyone that we have to enjoy the positive moments and not speculate about the "what ifs?" I'm struggling with that, but will try because I need to enjoy the positives with Bryan as they exist. Thanks for modeling this behavior for me!
I'm so glad to read this post and hear how well they are doing! And I would praise them, they have overcome so much. Let them know you believe in them and keep being the great mom you already are! IF (notice I say 'if" not "when") either of them use again, God will give you the strength to handle it just like He has in the past (you're still standing right?). So enjoy the success of today and the love K & Ant give you!
This really was a lovely post to read, and I think you're such a great person, mom & friend!
God bless.
Reading this made me happy... I love you and your "boys!"
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