Every Day Is A New Opportunity To Do It Right

Thanks for all the comments on my last post.   I've had some good "soul searching" time yesterday.  Keven did too - they put him in a holding cell to go to court and FORGOT HIM there for 12 hours.  When he told me about it he was very calm and casual.  But I started to get really mad and he said to me "Mom, there's no point in getting upset over something you have no control over".  Okay - I get it, even my son is telling me to LET GO and STOP trying to fix all the problems.  I will focus on me, God knows I have enough to work on for myself without taking on the rest of the world, right?

In my opinion, my good friend Bruce has a song for every occasion.  Today's selection is:

But it's a sad man my friend who's livin' in his own skin

And can't stand the company

Every fool's got a reason for feelin' sorry for himself

And turning his heart to stone

Tonight this fool's halfway to heaven and just a mile outta hell

And I feel like I'm comin' home
BUT, THESE ARE BETTER DAYS, BABY!

Peace, Hope and Love, Barbara

I'm Trying Very Hard Not to Blame Anthony

Disclaimer about this post:  


My head knows that blaming is wrong.  This post is written from my heart, not my head.  Its an expression of what I feel not of what I believe to be the correct way to look at the situation.

Facts:

In January Keven had four months clean, was working his recovery program and diligently looking for a job.  He had hope.  He was finally heading in the right direction.

In January Kelly had eight months clean, was working her recovery program, had a full time job.  She was happy, healthy and had everything going for her.

Then Anthony got out of prison.

In less than a month Keven had used with him, gone to jail, then ended up  in the mental hospital, now he's back in jail and is going to most likely get kicked out of his court program and face prison.

In less than a month Kelly started using again.  He dumped her for a girl who could provide him a place to live and a car.  Today Kelly OD'd and is in the hospital.  Once she's stable they are putting her on a 5150 hold for 72 hours.  After that - she has no where to go because her parents are done with her.

And I'm not allowed to blame Anthony because it was K and K's choices to use with him.  But what if he never came back here?  Is it just a coincidence that their lives are f'd up now?  I think not.

I wish he were still in prison where he belongs.

What Happened

I still don't feel like talking about what happened, which is unusual for me since I obviously am very open on this blog.  But I want to share, its not shocking or anything out of the ordinary for an addict, it just hurts me deeply this time so its hard to talk about.  It hurts because its a sign of how far he still has to go, and that scares me.  How much of his life is going to be lost to this disease?  When will it be under control to the point that he can work, socialize, and enjoy life?

Here is what happened...when we were in court last week (Tuesday) the judge found out he got a ticket while driving his car.  He has a valid licence and is legally allowed to drive, but she had not given him permission to drive.  I was not clear on this - it seemed kind of nebulous to me.  In my mind he was not allowed to have a car while in Cornerstone, but that didn't mean he was not allowed to drive ever.  ANYHOW the point is, she was pissed off.  Again.  He had come to court feeling really good that day because Cornerstone had written a report for his file about what a help he had been to them with some new guys who had a bad attitude (they listened to Keven but weren't willing to listen to the staff).  So he thought he was going to get positive comments from the judge, and got the opposite.

When he went into probation on Thursday his PO told him to come back in the morning on Friday and turn himself in because he needed to spend the weekend in jail for driving the car.  Keven had done this before with  no problem.  Overnights and weekends or even weeks in jail are familiar to him and he accepts that as part of the program he's in, when you mess up you spend some time locked up.

But this time, he was feeling very defeated.  He felt like he could not possibly get through this program (he still has 18 months more to go with the court program, but would have been out of Cornerstone in 2 more weeks).  He decided the option was to run away and was seriously going to do it.  I talked him out of that by reminding him I could take anything he did - except run.  I've told him that a million times.  Running from your problems is NEVER the right solution, it always makes them worse in the long run.

So, he decided that if he was going to spend the weekend in jail, he'd get high first.  He hadn't even tried to buy anything yet, but was walking on a street in Santa Ana and the police stopped him for looking suspicious.  (young white guy in an area known for drugs - legitimate reason to stop him).  He immediately told the cops he was on probation (they are required by law to do so) and they immediately handcuffed him and took him in.

I have no idea what the charges are.  He dropped the money so all he had on him was a lime.  To me that was evidence enough.  Why would you walk around with a lime in your pocket unless you were going to use it to dissolve heroin (it works faster than water...or something like that).

So not only did he violate probation but he picked up a new charge.  We think he will be kicked out of Recovery Court which means he will have to serve time for his original offense (felony possession charge) which equals 16 months in prison minus time served, for him it would be 11 months minus 2/3 time (due to overcrowded prisons/jails, CA  has 2/3 time served).

We will retain our wonderful attorney one last time to try and get the judge to agree to jail time versus prison time.  Some people don't know the difference between jail and prison, maybe I'll write about that in the next post.

Thanks for caring about my son and me.





Peace, Hope and Love, Barbara

A Visit to OC Jail

I'm still not ready to write much about the how and why Keven is back in jail, but I will share my experience today.  And I just need to write.  Writing is therapeutic to me.

I've visited OCJ many times (probably around 50).  It can be a very tiring and uncomfortable ordeal, or it can go really smoothly.  Usually its somewhere in between.

After parking your car, you walk across the street to the jail.  On the short walk several bailsbondmen/women approach you with their business cards.  I always say the same thing (which is true) "He had no bail".  They always say "Oh, I'm sorry".

Then you proceed inside the jail and through the metal detector.  There is a long list of things you are not allowed to bring in.  I always bring the bare minimum:  tissues and antibacterial gel (to clean the phone with), my license, car keys, and this little red book.

The little red book is where I've written things that inspire me and I read it over and over.  Also in that book are a list of 33 addicts and their parents.  I read the list just about every day and send out my prayers and positive thoughts for them. (side note:  there are 21 sons and 12 daughters, which seems to be a fairly accurate percentage of male/female addicts).

After the metal detector you walk down a long hallway and get in line for your visit.  Sometimes there are 30 people in line, sometimes three, sometimes none.  Today there were none in front of me.

You wait for your turn and give the cop behind the black tinted windows your ID and your inmates booking number.  Sometimes they ask you questions.  Today they asked how long its been since I visited this facility and I said a month or so.

Next you are assigned a number of the window you sit at to wait for your inmate to be sent for the visit.  I totally lucked out today, I had one of the best seats in the house.  First of all, its in the first row so you can see the inmates coming and going which makes the waiting a bit less boring and adds the excitement of seeing your person when they walk around the corner.  Second, my seat was up against the wall which is lovely because that means I only had to have another visitor to my left rather than be in between two people.

The visiting area is very stuffy.  There are long narrow aisles with seats on each side.   There are 25 seats in each of the five aisles.  Sometimes there are two (or more if they have kids with them) people per inmate which means up to 50 people crammed in a very tight space with no ventilation.  Its really awful on hot days.

Today it took an hour for Keven to come out.  I tried to time the visit around his lunch (at 11 am) but due to a car issue on the way up I missed that and had to wait for them to have lunch, get back to the cell, and then be called for a visit.

I passed the time by eavesdropping (well I could not help but hear she was right across from me) a woman talking to her husband who was in a special caged in area for inmates who were under protective custody. They have to keep them separate and its usually because they have strong gang affiliations, they snitched on somebody, or they are child molesters.  This dude was a child molester.  I never saw him but his wife was in her 60's and she was completely supportive of him.  It was very disturbing.

Finally my tall handsome son walked around the corner and my heart skipped a beat.  I just saw him yesterday, but it seems like a long time ago.  This time is different.  This time is serious.  He looked sad.  I've sat on those metal stools with the thick plexi-glass between us so many times.  Today was a tough visit and we didn't even talk the entire 30 minutes.  When I go alone for a visit he sometimes gets emotional, its hard for him to see me.  I could tell today he was struggling to hold back his emotions.

I tried to keep the conversation off of his situation (we discussed it first then I changed the subject).  He told me he's in a four man cell (which is not a good place to be) and that his cellies seemed nice but none of them spoke English so he knows it will be lonely.  He's picked up a lot of Spanish in recent years but not enough to engage in a real conversation.  Oh well, all the more time for him to think about his life.

We said goodbye and I always leave quickly without looking back because if I look back I will cry.  I just close my mind down and walk back out, face the bailsbondsmen again, pay for parking and get the hell out of there.





Peace, Hope and Love, Barbara

Arrested Again

I don't feel like going into detail right now but wanted to let you all know that Keven is in jail.  His attorney said he will most likely be kicked out of Recovery Court and will face prison time at a minimum of 16 months.

The only words I can use to describe how I feel are familiar to many of us:

Scared
Angry
Hurt
Sad
Sick
Numb
Worried

Mostly sick, like I swallowed a huge rock.

Help...i cant do this

2nd Interview Yesterday

I had a second job interview at the law firm.  The job is low pay but I've come to the conclusion that most jobs these days are because employers can get away with it (at least here in CA).  I sensed that one of the attorney's wants to hire me - she made it obvious she liked me a lot.  But she doesn't make the final decision.  There were several others called in for a second interview as well.  So, I will wait and see.

Keven:  He's doing good.  Had a slightly bad day in court, but it turned out okay (nothing to do with drugs - he got a traffic violation).  I hope he's feeling as good as he looks.  The spark is back in his eye and he's been smiling.

Anthony:  Out of jail, on parole AND probation (didn't know you could be on both at once).  As far as I know he's staying out of trouble but I am keeping him at arm's length.

"Kelly" (I've accidentally used her real name here several times, hopefully that's not confusing.  She is Ant's ex-girlfriend).  She is the one I am currently worried about.  We are very close, she was friends with Keven long before she was Ant's gf.  Typically we talk every day or two.  I have not spoke with her since SATURDAY and she's only returned one of my texts to say "I will call you later, I'm okay" but she never called.  She's got to be out there using.

Once again my anger at Anthony is almost overwhelming.  Yes, it was their choice (kev and kel) to use again but if he was not back they would not have had it shoved in their faces and both of them would be doing so much better, especially Kel who had to deal with him breaking up with her on top of him getting to use again after 8 frigging months.  GRRRRRR!!!!

IF YOU ARE IN RECOVERY STAY AWAY FROM ANYONE AND EVERYONE THAT USES OR THAT YOU EVER USED WITH....NO EXCEPTIONS!


Peace, Hope and Love, Barbara

Alcohol Related Death

Keven found out someone in his program died recently.  For once it was not heroin related.  He was a man in his 40's who we all knew well.  He seemed like he really wanted sobriety, but just couldn't do it.  Every time I saw him in court the judge would lecture him about not drinking because of his diabetes.

The last time I saw him in court, she pleaded with him "you are going to DIE if you don't take care of yourself!".  And she was right.

I am sharing this because it reminds me that we can warn someone but if they don't take matters into their own hands, warnings don't help.  This man had a family who loved him.  Its sad.

Peace, Hope and Love, Barbara

What Can One Person Do?

I just read Ross's blog, Life of a Recovering Addict, and suggest that everyone read it today.  Ross was an addict who is now in recovery and seeing things from a new perspective, and with a clear mind and a huge heart.  He wants what we all want - change.

We all want for there to be less heroin/opiate deaths, less addictions, less ruined lives.

I get very riled up and passionate over this issue and it frustrates me to no end that our lawmakers and government don't recognize the severity of the problem.  Why is heroin allowed to be imported by the ton into our country in the first place?  Why is it so easy for kids to get their hands on Oxycontin?  Why does a family have to go into debt for years to afford drug treatment?  Why are addicts thrown in jail without an opportunity for rehabilitation?  Why do other diseases get funding and research but addiction (even though the AMA defines it as a disease) is still treated like a character defect rather than a life threatening epidemic?

Obviously nothing is going to be done about this (unless maybe some high up government officials start losing their children to it) so what can we do?  Ron, An Addict in Our Son's Bedroom,  is the perfect example of what one person can do.  He's talking to schools and writing for the Partnership for a Drug Free America.  Each of us that write a blog is doing something by bringing awareness to whoever reads our blog.  Those that are willing to openly share about what's  happening to their family are making a difference by bringing the problem to light.

Many of us would probably like to do more - but what?  I guess we have to ask ourselves that question and see what ideas come to mind.  Unfortunately the people that are most passionate about stopping addiction are the one's  directly impacted by it and therefore we are struggling on a day to day basis to find some balance and can't take on one more thing.

But never forget that one person can make a difference.  Here's a personal story that illustrates this.  Way back in the early 80's a friend and I learned that tuna fisherman used nets that also trapped and killed thousands of dolphins.  Being major dolphin lovers we were so horrified by this that we could not sit by and do nothing.  We joined every organization for animals rights we could find, but it didn't feel like enough.  So we decided to take it upon ourselves to make people aware and get them to stop buying tuna.  This was long before computers could make fancy fliers, so we did our best to make something presentable, a flier that alerted people of the issue.  We made hundreds of copies and spent our weekends going all over the place to different grocery stores putting our fliers on cars and on the shelves with the tuna!  So did I play a role in changing the laws that prevented fisherman from killing dolphins along with tuna?  I wouldn't go as far to say that, but I believe I did bring awareness to hundreds of people that may have not heard about it otherwise and gave them the option to add their voice.

We keep hearing of deaths and ruined lives....we all live with the nightmare in our own families.  How much longer till something happens to stop the drugs from being so available and to make treatment more affordable?  And, most importantly, persuade young people never to try it in the first place.


Peace, Hope and Love, Barbara

My Interview and other news....

The interview yesterday went fairly well but was very rushed.  The person doing the interviews is one of the attorney's in the office and I could tell she didn't really have much experience in interviewing.  She was young and sweet and I liked her a lot - but it was a bit awkward at times.  She felt that I was overqualified so I tried to tell her that it was okay.  

How do you say "I want a job with less stress and responsibility than when I was a high level assistant BUT not because I am lazy or won't take the job seriously"?

The pay is $7 less than what I used to make.  I don't know how I could survive on that but I am surviving on nothing now so I could make it work.

Get this - she put the ad for the job out on a Friday, by Monday she had 90 applicants!  She took the ad off and chose 30 of the 90 to interview and it sounds like she is meeting all of them.  The job won't even be ready to be filled for a month.  So, I think I have a good chance of getting it if she can look past my over qualifications.

The other positive thing I have to share is about Keven :)

I never want to say too much on here about the treatment center he's at so I will just say it this way:  They have recognized that he is a positive influence on some of the new people there and have asked him to stay where he currently is to help them out, rather than move to another house.  I could see in his eyes that this validated him and made him feel good.  Here he is fresh out of the hospital and is seen as someone that has something to offer!  He needed this so much!  So he is deciding on if he wants to stay in the house he's at or not.  He certainly doesn't have to (and it would be a huge sacrifice of freedom on his part if he does) so I am very curious to see what he chooses.  Either way, I am grateful for this boost in his self esteem/self worth.

I'm catching up with all of you and enjoying the good news I am reading - and resonating with the not so good news.  Its a journey people!

Its a rocky road, a roller coaster ride, a hike through mountains and valleys.  Its not smooth sailing.  Ok, I will stop now.  You get the idea.

Peace, Hope and Love, Barbara

Fake It Till Ya Make It

That's actually a very powerful tool - faking it till ya make it.  When you act confident, next thing you know you are feeling more confident and no longer have to fake it.

I am faking it today.  I have a lot going on including a job interview!  I'll let you know how it goes later.

Got a call from Anthony last night at midnight.  He had court yesterday and was looking at 5 years in prison for violating parole:  missing appointments, possession of heroin and paraphernalia, possession of an RX that was not his.  BUT, in reviewing  his huge file they noticed that he had never been offered any type of court mandated drug program.  The judge gave him One Last Chance and put him on Prop 36.  So if he messes this up he's looking at a loooooooooooooooong time behind bars.

I won't even get into my thoughts on drug offenders getting five years when rapists sometimes get less...I'll save that for my post on Luke Whyte and Voices of Justice.  That post will be coming up soon.

I told Ant that the only way I can be in his life is if it does not involve Kels or Kev.  I will not help him, give him money, give him rides, give him jack crap.  I will only give him honesty and a listening ear.  I will not even give  him encouragement or advice.  I've done all that, it obviously didn't do much.  I wanted to walk away from him, but I'll be there for the next few months until he lands himself back in prison.  And, if by some miracle that doesn't happen, it will be nice to see him succeed.

I didn't talk to Keven yesterday but am hoping he's doing better.

To all my fellow Irish friends (and those who love an excuse to party)

Question:  What nationality are you?  
I'm French Canadian / Irish.

Peace, Hope and Love, Barbara

I don't know how I feel...

The last few weeks have been rough.  Maybe I've said that before.  I never go back and read what I've already written and sometimes I just forget.  Tonight I just need to ramble a bit so I can empty my mind before going to sleep.

Tomorrow is court and the most likely outcome is that he will have one month left at Cornerstone in "Extended Care" which means pretty much groups and meetings day and night.  They lowered the price for the month to something that my dear mother was able to come up with.

I feel so much guilt at the amount of money my sister and mother have invested in Keven's recovery.  They love him so much, he's lived his entire life in this house with them.  There were times when I resented living here but I stuck it out in order to work part-time during his early childhood years right up to Jr. High.  My mom was always here when I was at work looking after him.

After this last month we have to figure out what to do next.  The judge is not going to let him come home and frankly, I don't want him to yet.  If I get a job I can afford to pay his rent at a sober living....IF I get a job.  I would still have very little money to live on but I'm used to that.

Please, don't anyone suggest that Keven get a job.  It sounds so simple, but he's been evaluated by a vocational rehab and they don't feel his stable enough to be employable so I've told him not to worry about a job at the moment - just focus on recovery.

How did this happen to my intelligent, strong, good hearted boy?  The anxiety and depression was there before the drugs....and most likely influenced his decision to use drugs in the first place....but, where does that leave him now.  I see the look in his eyes, that fearful look.  Frankly it bothers me more than the blank pinpointed look.

I have to get some sleep.  I want to think positive.  I want something good to happen in my life.  I want to live again and not merely exist or survive.

I'm really kind of a mess.

The Truth About Forensics

Of course we all KNOW that TV shows are not realistic (in most cases), but sometimes shows like CSI can skew the way we look at forensics. I thought this was a good reality check:

Peace, Hope and Love, Barbara

Updates on the "Boys"

I am not longer helping Anthony, or involved in his life (much) but I do love the kid no matter how much I "hate" him.  With that said, he's back in jail.  He didn't show up on time for a parole appt. so he got arrested. He's in a one man cell because of circumstances I don't feel comfortable writing about (on the outside chance that some bad guy out there runs across my blog...highly unlikely but not worth the risk).  SO - he may get out Monday, he may be in for 2 weeks or 2 months.  Whatever.  I allowed him to call me since I had money left over on my phone from Keven's last time there.

About Keven.  I picked him up at the hospital and he was despondent and depressed.  I took him back to rehab and they decided he needed the highest level of care for a few days so they put him in their in-patient house for a few days.  Then they informed me that due to changes in his insurance policy there would be no residential coverage from now on.  He may have to leave CS Tuesday after court.

Our attorney is asking me to do whatever I can to come up with the money to keep him in CS for at least a month to get him stable because she thinks there has been way too much change (all his own doing) in the last two months and another one may push him over the edge.  I don't even know how much money we will need, I am assuming around 5K but it could be more.

His Judge is going to be very disappointed.  She had initially wanted him to do six months in CS and be done with it, then he would have one more year on probation.  BUT we could not afford that so she agreed to 90 days in "extended care" and 90 days in "monitored living".  But he had a relapse in ML so had to go to a higher level of care in "outpatient living" and then ended up in the damn hospital so he could get medicated for his anxiety.  This is WORSE than a relapse in the eyes of the insurance company, CS and possibly the judge.  Shit.  Here I was happy that he chose to put himself in a safe place rather than use and it ends up doing more harm to his future.

I don't know what's going to happen.  He insists that when all of us were so excited and happy that he was doing so well the first 90 days it was all a big act, he was faking it to get through and convince everyone he was doing great.  Sigh.  I don't know what to do or believe since like most addicts, he is a MASTER MANIPULATOR, an EXCELLENT ACTOR, and is very smart.  He knows how to play the system.

So is he really emotionally fragile or is he a brat that wants his way?  I don't think we can come up with the money.  He may choose to drop out and go to prison.  As much as I hate that thought, it would be a nice vacation for me mentally.  But the felony would remain forever...and it hard enough to get a job without one.

Peace, Hope and Love, Barbara

Thanks

My venting on  here helped yesterday.  I feel a little better today and am going to get out of the house and run a bunch of errands so at least I feel productive.

A few thoughts for the day:

Peace, Hope and Love, Barbara

what day is it?

I'm so tired.

Physically
Mentally
Emotionally
Spiritually

I feel like I am never going to get a job even though I am signed up with a few temp agencies now.

One has to ask:  Is it me?  or is it just the way things are?

But I guess the big thing on my heart is Keven.

I'm very tired of all of this.  I have no motivation.

Nothing changes if nothing changes...

but how can you change if you are stuck and part of you just doesn't care and wants to crawl in a hole and sleep for a year or two.

The moments of joy that come around now and then are just so fleeting.  I really don't see the point in life for people who constantly have struggles from the day they were born.

I envy people that have a "good" life.  I'm not ungrateful, I know so many people that have it "worse than me" but that's not my point.

My point is I am starting to fall into depression deeper every day and feel immobilized by it.  I shouldn't even be writing this.  People will feel sorry for me, or judge me, or try to help me.  I just want to feel better.  I just want to go to bed and sleep and wake up with some motivation for doing life.  I don't know how the hell I would function at a job if I had one.

I take two anti-depressants already.  I don't know what else to do.  How to start caring what happens next.  I have sort of resigned myself that my life is what it is, and I am here only to help Keven get going in the right direction for his life.  But I look at him and see myself.  Another depressed person but with the added suffering of anxiety and addiction.

I'm sorry.  I just feel like shit right now.

Hospital

Just got back from five hours in the ER with Keven.  He admitted himself for extreme panic/anxiety because he couldn't control it any longer and didn't trust himself.  It breaks my heart to see him go through this.  There were not beds open so he has to stay in the ER all night and possibly be transfered in the morning to a different place.  I hope not.

We had some really good conversations during the wait and hopefully he will be able to process some things with less anxiety.

I am tired.

His biggest worry is that he will be like this forever, that he will always struggle with both the anxiety and addiction.  Unfortunately he probably will but I'm trying my best to get him to stop looking at the rest of his life and focus on today.  Do what you need to do today.  Live today.  Its very difficult for him to do that.  Actually, its difficult for most of us to do that.

Peace, Hope and Love, Barbara

The Tragedy of Waiting for a Tragedy

Can you imagine if we all treated each other the way we did after the 9/11 tragedy?  I think most people let go of petty issues during the days and weeks that followed, and were kinder and more empathetic towards others.

That happens whenever something horrible goes down and to a much lesser degree when something really good happens (although I can't think of something everyone would agree on as "good", I do think most people would consider events like 9/11, Katrina and other natural disasters as "bad").

Similarly, people are drawn together when they share a common personal tragedy, cancer, losing a loved one, addiction.

They have support groups for most things of this nature.  Some people find comfort in church (I never did, I felt like an outsider even after attending for years.  When I left not a single person called to find out where I was, and it was a very small church of about 100 people.  But that's another topic....)

I wish the world was a kinder place.  A place with less evil, less heartache, less loneliness.  But you know what they say:  Be The Change.  Each time we are kind to a stranger we are making a difference, and I do believe its contagious.

"All the lonely people, where do they all come from...."

Peace, Hope and Love, Barbara

Nightmare

painting by: SANDRA KNIGHT NICHOLSON STEPHENSON

Have you ever woke up in the middle of the night full of terror, relieved to discover it was only a dream?

That happened to me last night and it took me right back to the days when Keven was using.   I think the dream happened because he brought one of his roommates over yesterday.  I really liked the young man and was comforted by the fact that his drug of choice was meth not heroin.

Never thought there would come a day that I based the "safeness" of my son's friendship based on the drugs they used.

Oh, wait.  I just remembered that the last time Kev used with Anthony he also used meth.  I'm not worried.  He's tested three times a week and if he fails a test again it will be out of my hands.  Why dwell on the what ifs?

In other news:  We  have a lost cat staying with us.  I hope the owner comes forward soon because we already have four cats and two dogs.  This cat is making himself at home here, he's really sweet.


Have you Peace, Hope and Love, Barbara

Good Vibrations and some Guys in My Life

I think sometimes the universe (or God or whatever your beliefs are) sends us messages through other people.

I have a wise friend, Joe, who I  spend many hours with on the phone with.  We talked today and he told me some things he'd noticed about me lately...he was right.  Basically he said I am surrounded by darkness and need to lighten my life (he referred specifically to my rape blog, my son's addiction, my unemployment and some personal stuff)

THEN, my phone rang and it was my lifelong friend, Nuel, who rarely calls.  He told me he wanted to take me to U2!  Of course I said yes and we decided my sister had to be there too.  I was in charge of getting the tickets and I got  us AMAZING seats that were going for $2,000 each on ticket sites but Ticketmaster had a few left at $300 each.  We will be sitting as close as you can be to the band (not counting people in the red zone or GA)

Nuel and I almost got married when I was 21.  I loved him, still do, but it wasn't the right kind of love for a marriage.  I'm glad he will be with me to see U2 and share the experience.  He hasn't been to a concert in over 20 years and he will DIE.  He's also completely computer illiterate.  He's more of the rugged outdoors type and has no use for technology.  The thinks I am brilliant because I knew how to go on line and purchase the tickets....isn't that cute?

He's a "late bloomer to U2" and just discovered their lyrics.  They are the kind of band you can hear for years and not realize you like them until you actually listen.  Big difference.  I finally have something to look forward to in the near future!

Oh and that brings me to the final guy.  He wants to take me out.  He likes me.  He thinks we'd be good together, etc.  BUT, he's a musician.  Being the music lover that I am you'd think this would be a positive, but I've dated enough musicians to know that its not an easy life having women/girls throwing themselves at your man constantly.  And he's very good looking.  He spent a lot of time touring and doing the "groupie" thing.  He said he's tired of "Barbie Dolls" he wants a real woman with depth and intelligence, etc. etc.  Well, I am certainly no Barbie Doll, and in the words of U2 "Big Girls are Best" but I still feel red flags waving around this guy.  I need to be careful.

I will end with my favorite U2 video.  I don't know if this has the same meaning for the rest of you - but for those of us who lived here and experienced this it was insane!  I was down in Orange County when I heard on the radio that U2 was doing a live performance from on top of an old building in LA.  Even if I would have headed up there, I would have missed it but I was glued to my radio and then later saw it on the news and of course we all got to see it when this video came out.




Peace, Hope and Love, Barbara

Smooth Sailing

The last week has been good for Keven, once he got used to the new meds they put him on, he seems to be doing fine.  Well, fine for Keven that is.  I can hear someone out there thinking about what the definition of "fine" as:

F'd Up
Insecure
Neurotic
Emotional

That would describe me these days!

:)

Plan to catch  up on blogs this afternoon and make sure all is well with my blog community.  I hope so.  I looked at my "prayer list" today and counted how many parents/addicts I "pray" over each day, there are a total of 33, 21 sons and 12 daughters.

Peace, Hope and Love, Barbara