March 25, 2011

A Visit to OC Jail

I'm still not ready to write much about the how and why Keven is back in jail, but I will share my experience today.  And I just need to write.  Writing is therapeutic to me.

I've visited OCJ many times (probably around 50).  It can be a very tiring and uncomfortable ordeal, or it can go really smoothly.  Usually its somewhere in between.

After parking your car, you walk across the street to the jail.  On the short walk several bailsbondmen/women approach you with their business cards.  I always say the same thing (which is true) "He had no bail".  They always say "Oh, I'm sorry".

Then you proceed inside the jail and through the metal detector.  There is a long list of things you are not allowed to bring in.  I always bring the bare minimum:  tissues and antibacterial gel (to clean the phone with), my license, car keys, and this little red book.

The little red book is where I've written things that inspire me and I read it over and over.  Also in that book are a list of 33 addicts and their parents.  I read the list just about every day and send out my prayers and positive thoughts for them. (side note:  there are 21 sons and 12 daughters, which seems to be a fairly accurate percentage of male/female addicts).

After the metal detector you walk down a long hallway and get in line for your visit.  Sometimes there are 30 people in line, sometimes three, sometimes none.  Today there were none in front of me.

You wait for your turn and give the cop behind the black tinted windows your ID and your inmates booking number.  Sometimes they ask you questions.  Today they asked how long its been since I visited this facility and I said a month or so.

Next you are assigned a number of the window you sit at to wait for your inmate to be sent for the visit.  I totally lucked out today, I had one of the best seats in the house.  First of all, its in the first row so you can see the inmates coming and going which makes the waiting a bit less boring and adds the excitement of seeing your person when they walk around the corner.  Second, my seat was up against the wall which is lovely because that means I only had to have another visitor to my left rather than be in between two people.

The visiting area is very stuffy.  There are long narrow aisles with seats on each side.   There are 25 seats in each of the five aisles.  Sometimes there are two (or more if they have kids with them) people per inmate which means up to 50 people crammed in a very tight space with no ventilation.  Its really awful on hot days.

Today it took an hour for Keven to come out.  I tried to time the visit around his lunch (at 11 am) but due to a car issue on the way up I missed that and had to wait for them to have lunch, get back to the cell, and then be called for a visit.

I passed the time by eavesdropping (well I could not help but hear she was right across from me) a woman talking to her husband who was in a special caged in area for inmates who were under protective custody. They have to keep them separate and its usually because they have strong gang affiliations, they snitched on somebody, or they are child molesters.  This dude was a child molester.  I never saw him but his wife was in her 60's and she was completely supportive of him.  It was very disturbing.

Finally my tall handsome son walked around the corner and my heart skipped a beat.  I just saw him yesterday, but it seems like a long time ago.  This time is different.  This time is serious.  He looked sad.  I've sat on those metal stools with the thick plexi-glass between us so many times.  Today was a tough visit and we didn't even talk the entire 30 minutes.  When I go alone for a visit he sometimes gets emotional, its hard for him to see me.  I could tell today he was struggling to hold back his emotions.

I tried to keep the conversation off of his situation (we discussed it first then I changed the subject).  He told me he's in a four man cell (which is not a good place to be) and that his cellies seemed nice but none of them spoke English so he knows it will be lonely.  He's picked up a lot of Spanish in recent years but not enough to engage in a real conversation.  Oh well, all the more time for him to think about his life.

We said goodbye and I always leave quickly without looking back because if I look back I will cry.  I just close my mind down and walk back out, face the bailsbondsmen again, pay for parking and get the hell out of there.





Peace, Hope and Love, Barbara

14 comments:

beachteacher said...

oh boy ...so tough for you....so tough,...and I know this is tough on him too. :( I'm thinking of you....and your red book really touched me. THANK YOU. I'm making a book of my own, modeled after yours.

xxx ooo

Lori

Tori said...

I remember that feeling when I went for the first time in January - well first time he went to jail too. I was so confused when all these people were approaching me about bailing him out. I just kept telling them I wasn't bailing him out put they were so forceful with their cards - they probably figured I was new to this and would change my mind.

Oh and that gross phone I kept away from my ear and the waiting in line. I am not looking forward to doing that again but I am sure I will and I hope sooner than later.

I hope Barbara it isn't too long that he is in there but long enough to get him to change. Is there a chance for long term rehab or will he have to serve time?

I am just so sorry for you, my heart aches for all of Parents that are faced with this horrible disease in our lives.

My prayers are with me and if you ever want to meet I am just in LA.

Her Big Sad said...

Oh Barbara, you took me right back there. Every word.

Since my daughter always ended up in the mental health wing, I always had an elevator ride upstairs, where you had the long walk down that hall... I always noticed, in the elevator on the way down..... the silence. A few in tears, usually "newcomers", the same ones you help downstairs to understand the locker system, and what they can and can't take with them.... the rest just silent, pensive, almost grim.

I can usually make it to the parking structure, past those bondsmen, before I lose it. If her sister is with me, I can hang on until she stops somewhere along the way for gas, or food. She seems more accepting of all of it, and more healthy in her detachment. But somewhere along the way before I get back home, I end up in tears. I hate that place.

I'm thinking of you. Hope you can rest and snuggle with Sugar some this weekend. ((Hug!))

Tori said...

So many typo's in my last post....I did mean my prayers are with you and your son but I guess they are with me too.

Annette said...

:o( Barbara. I am so sorry. Jail is no place for a mother to visit her kid. ((HUG))

Syd said...

I am sorry that this is what you have to go through. I am sure that it is heart breaking no matter how many times you have done this. Very sad to read that Keven is in jail.

Dawn said...

I am sorry you are going through this - it's never easy. It's always been so emotionally draining for me. There is just no way around that for me - I try to be strong and know it's his own doing but, it hurts no matter. UGH! I just found out my son will be going to jail too - I couldn't even ask when, why or for how long. For me it doesn't ever get easier. Take care of YOU.

Lori said...

My heart breaks for you. I selfishly pray that I never have to walk that road, but I realize it could be a very real possibility. I am SO sorry. I pray this is the wake up call that Kevin needs. I believe we need to do all we can to get between our kids and drugs. Sometimes it takes jail.

I just want to give you a big, warm hug and let you cry and cry and cry.

Bar L. said...

I'm overwhelmed by all these comments, THANK YOU!

BeachTeach, Thanks. I love my little red book and I should add that several of the addicts on the list have quite a lot of clean time!

Tori, That's how it was my first time too! It was very intimidating and confusing and I remember being amazed by all the knowledge this one woman had of the way things worked. She explained a lot to me while we stood in line and I thought "well, I probably won't have to come back here again but if I do...." Ha. The phones are gross. When I clean them off I usually get all kinds of makeup and stuff. I sit there for ten minutes cleaning the hell out that thing before I actually use it, some people think I am OCD but I don't care! I would love to meet sometime. It would be great for all us So. Cal Moms to get together there are five of us I think.

HBS, I've never been up there but sometimes wonder if that's where Keven belongs. Yep, those lockers are confusing unless you get the concept that you put the money in to get your stuff out not put it in.

Thank you dear Annette, and thank you dear Syd.

Dawn, the only positive about it for me is knowing he's "safe" but its not much consolation. He said it was freezing in there and when I suggested he ask for a long sleeve shirt and an extra blanket he didn't even respond - his look said "earth to mom....this is jail not the Hilton" They don't even give them a pillow. I know its suppose to be punishment but I still think its kind of harsh to make them have to be so cold.

Notmyboy, wow, I'd love to take you up on your offer of a hug and a shoulder to cry on. I try so hard to be strong all the time and only cry in private, but sometimes its more healing to cry with someone. I hope your son never has to go - although for a few its been the turning point in their recovery. normal".

Anna said...

Thanks so much for having me in your rebook and praying for my daughter and me. God Bless You for that.

Momma said...

Barbara, thinking of you, and seeing all the comments, you have a lot of support. Count me in on that! I appreciate all the comments, advice, words of encouragement you have given me. I hope you realize what you say makes a difference. Hang in there, and thanks for your posts!

~~BRB Queen~~ said...

I'm sorry to hear you are going through this. I will keep both you and Kevin in my prayers.

Bristolvol said...

Barbara,
I thought I had posted something earlier, but I don't see it anymore. I am so sorry you are going through this. I can identify as can a lot of us on here, having visited our kids in jail. It's a nightmare. As abd as it feels right now, maybe a silber lining will eventually come out of all this. Sending you hugs and hopefully some peace. Be good to yourself!

kc bob said...

I couldn't help but tear up when I read this Barbara. You are one rock star of a mama!

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