I'm so tired.
Physically
Mentally
Emotionally
Spiritually
I feel like I am never going to get a job even though I am signed up with a few temp agencies now.
One has to ask: Is it me? or is it just the way things are?
But I guess the big thing on my heart is Keven.
I'm very tired of all of this. I have no motivation.
Nothing changes if nothing changes...
but how can you change if you are stuck and part of you just doesn't care and wants to crawl in a hole and sleep for a year or two.
The moments of joy that come around now and then are just so fleeting. I really don't see the point in life for people who constantly have struggles from the day they were born.
I envy people that have a "good" life. I'm not ungrateful, I know so many people that have it "worse than me" but that's not my point.
My point is I am starting to fall into depression deeper every day and feel immobilized by it. I shouldn't even be writing this. People will feel sorry for me, or judge me, or try to help me. I just want to feel better. I just want to go to bed and sleep and wake up with some motivation for doing life. I don't know how the hell I would function at a job if I had one.
I take two anti-depressants already. I don't know what else to do. How to start caring what happens next. I have sort of resigned myself that my life is what it is, and I am here only to help Keven get going in the right direction for his life. But I look at him and see myself. Another depressed person but with the added suffering of anxiety and addiction.
I'm sorry. I just feel like shit right now.
7 comments:
Ugh...I know that feeling, all to well. The only good thing I have to offer is...it will go away eventually, I swear. The problem with this sentence is the eventually part of it. When you are in that hole eventually sounds very very far away. I am praying for you Barbara. If you want to talk I am there always.
I won't try to fix you or give advice, just sending a hug from afar. I love you, my friend. Take care of yourself.
I am sorry, Barbara, that you are feeling lousy. I don't have much insight to offer, but one thing comes to mind: Ron's post about hope he wrote just recently. If you feel like it, read it again. It may help you out of the slump. Remember, everything is temporary. I am sending you love and peace. Helga
Barbara, I hear you. Call your dr hon. Maybe you can get a med adjustment just to get you over the rough patch. I have had to do that when things have been particularly bad. Increase my dosage and then once things stabilize, I can lower it again. Stress does cause a physical brain reaction. Depression is very real.
I hope that you will feel better soon. This may just be a valley that you are in and soon you will be back to climbing up the hill to the top.
Hugs......You have been through a lot. Give yourself a few days to pass this latest trauma. What have you done for yourself lately? They always ask that at my alanon meeting.
I just want you to know that I love you.
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