March 8, 2011


Just got back from five hours in the ER with Keven.  He admitted himself for extreme panic/anxiety because he couldn't control it any longer and didn't trust himself.  It breaks my heart to see him go through this.  There were not beds open so he has to stay in the ER all night and possibly be transfered in the morning to a different place.  I hope not.

We had some really good conversations during the wait and hopefully he will be able to process some things with less anxiety.

I am tired.

His biggest worry is that he will be like this forever, that he will always struggle with both the anxiety and addiction.  Unfortunately he probably will but I'm trying my best to get him to stop looking at the rest of his life and focus on today.  Do what you need to do today.  Live today.  Its very difficult for him to do that.  Actually, its difficult for most of us to do that.

Peace, Hope and Love, Barbara


Syd said...

I hope that he will feel better today. Today is a new day for all of us.

Annette said...

I'm glad he is at the hospital and not out in the world trying to self medicate. Very mature choice on his point. Just for friend. Who knows what the future holds.

BMelonsLemonade said...

The good...he went and got help, rather than using. Using opiates does make the anxiety go away...but it also makes everything worse, in the long run. I applaud him for getting help. He could have done a million other things that would not have been as good. This is a good step. Also, he will probably contend with these things all his life, but they will not always be so up front, and in his face. In the early stages of recovery, things are amplified. Once the addiction/recovery has come to be more understandable and under control for him...fighting anxiety will be a breeze. These first few months, years, can be difficult, but it gets better. He is making the right moves now, and the universe will reward him, as he progresses in this direction.

kc bob said...

Hope things are better today Barbara. I am hoping with you for great things to come in Keven's life. Sometimes experiences that Keven has had can produce and amazing individual who knows what it is like to overcome great things.

Unknown said...


Haven't been by the blog in a while. I'm working now, and finding it hard to balance my time. I LOVE your new look!

So sorry to hear about Keven's challenges with anxiety on top of addiction. Please know you are both in our thoughts and prayers.

Hugs coming your way,

A Mom's Serious Blunder said...

Not immediately self medicating? GOOD JOB KEVIN! I am so sorry that he is experiencing is so difficult to watch.

Anna said...


Sounds like you are personally doing a good job taking one day at a time. Kevin is in a safe place. I think it is awesome that he chose a hospital over heroine to deal with his anxiety. You are both in my thoughts and prayers.

beachteacher said...

I'm sorry that Keven is feeling like difficult to go through...and for you to watch. I like what BMelons said....very hopeful. Hang in there...both of you.
*and by the way, it seems like everyone I know of that is an addict is someone who's struggled with anxiety problems. I know my son did, from when he was very very young.
Peace to Keven and you.

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