Keven is so full of anger. There are only two options for dealing with the unhealthy need to express it: explode or implode. He's been doing both.
He's in therapy, I am paying big bucks for this new therapist. I want her to help him get below the surface and deal with what's causing him to be so full of anger, hate, fear, guilt, pain...
I know I can't fix him, but as his mother I have to do what I can to lead him to HELP that can hopefully fix him.
Its very clear to me that the addiction is the main problem but the secondary issue. I am pretty sure his new drug of choice is alcohol which is so dangerous for him.
This makes sense to me: (from Psychology Today)
"Two factors go into the formulation of anger: current vulnerability and magnitude of the perceived threat. Relatively little threat will cause anger when vulnerability is elevated, for example when physical resources are low - you're tired, hungry, sick, injured, depressed, anxious, stressed - or when self-doubt is high, making you more easily insulted.
Problem anger (that which leads you to act against your long-term best interests) is caused by high vulnerability. It is the most self-revealing of emotional states, pointing directly to a powerful cause of vulnerability: a sudden drop in core value.
You experience a state of core value when you think and behave in accordance with the most important things to and about you. It includes a sense of authenticity (you feel genuine) and self-regard, which, together, lower self-doubt and vulnerability to threat.
For instance, if it is important to you to be fair in your dealings with others, you will regard yourself well as long as you are fair, and feel guilt and shame when you are not. If you use the guilt and shame as a motivation to be true to your core value, i.e., to behave more fairly, your self-regard will instantly improve; you will act with conviction and not need anger for defense."
5 comments:
so awesome you are paying big bucks for this new therapist. i hope shes worth it and helps your son. i know its hard to pay the big bucks. im 19 and paying $175 a session. parents dont pay for it.
its nice you accept that you can't fix him but as his mother you can do what you can to help him.
thanks for your comment. it means a lot.
I too hope that he gets the help and that you get some peace.
I hope that he's able to discover what it is that's triggering his anger... and that he can deal with it in a safe place/manner, with the therapist. So much at stake. For both of you. Hugs!
I pray he finds peace and you need rest. Please find time and rest.
Barbara - hope Keven's new therapist can connect with him in a meaningful way - and has her radar up for the bullsh*t factor. My daughter always 'talked the talk'. She masterfully manipulated almost all of the therapists/professionals she has seen over the years. The bottom line is, the timing has to be right and Keven ready/willing to do some deep excavating. Therapy is a process - a long process that can take years. And, of course, it's ideal to uncover and discover the cause of one's emotional pain - - - but that is often not realistic - and impossible. It's the process of talk therapy that is so effective and cathartic. And ultimately, changing the current behavior is what's more practical. Hopefully, his therapist is trained in CBT and DBT to help Keven change some reactive/self-destructive habits. Thinking of you, dear friend. Your last few posts are, as usual, insightful and helpful. Thanks. Peggy
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