Blah

One reason I know that anti-depressants do work for some people is that they work for me. I was trying to save money so was using up some old Welbutrin that was half the dose I take now and within days I was crying and feeling like crap (still feel it but got a new RX to start tomorrow). Once I quit taking it for a month and had planned to kill myself on New Year's Eve. Lovely. I hate having to take drugs to be normal, but in my case, I guess it does help.

Keven seems to be doing really well. But tonight he was with some guy I had never met before and the vibe I got spelled T-R-O-U-B-L-E. I tell myself "well if he gets in trouble so be it" but the bottom line is that I will always worry that he's going to end up dead by making some bad choice. Jail I can handle, dead - I don't think so.

I feel blah. I feel angry and disappointed and frustrated with life. I am in really bad mood. I feel like I"m working so hard in so many areas - for what? What's the frigging point? I am going to start watching mindless TV, I finally get the value in it. It helps you to not think.

Sorry this is so depressing. I just don't give a crap about much at the moment.

Peace, Hope and Love,Barbara