I didn't sleep much last night. He texted me from the hospital and said they discharged him but would let him stay in the room until 7:00 or 8:00 am. He told me he might just go on a run cause he's not done yet. He said he's very scared and doesn't know what to do. He has no money, no ID, nothing. I am just trying to stay numb and not feel and let go.
Peace, Hope and Love,
Barbara
10 comments:
I wonder what would happen if you texted back, "Contact me when you are done. I'm going to a movie."
It just seems so odd that he wants to tell you these things. I wish that he would follow Anthony's advice and tell them to a sponsor. Take care of yourself. Give him up to God.
You know H tells me this stuff too and someone else in my real life, brought up the same point Syd is bringing up. Why do they do this? Its not because we have such great open communication. Is it a cry for help or is it a manipulative tool to pull us into their chaos? A way to *control* us. And what happened to no contact for 30 days. Why can't he go on his run without letting you know? Let him go Barbara. Put him in God's hands and let him go. Its really all you can do....for YOUR own sake. Take care hon. Call or write anytime. I am here.
I don't have words for you this morning. I know that this has got to be right up there with the hardest thing that you have ever done. I have you in my thoughts and prayers today.
Barbara,
You just have to take his word for it. He is not done and there is nothing you can do but take care of yourself.
He's not telling you this because he is concerned for you. He's not telling you this for you to come and rescue him. He is doing this to continue your relationship of manipulation. That relationship takes two. Do you really want to be the second in this relationship.
http://parentsofanaddict.blogspot.com/2010/07/cant-think-of-title.html
Barbara,
He's telling you so you will say, "Come home and do it your (his) way". . so he can carry on fooling himself that he is fooling you. Setting up shots in Starbucks etc. Keeping you involved. I suppose he can't quite believe that you mean it this time. So he is testing you. You have been so strong. Stay strong. Love and hugs
Oh Barbara, this is where it gets so so hard.... everyone's thoughts here match my own experience exactly.
(in my opinion)...This is an attempt to scare you into continuing to place the long arm of Mom in between him and his consequences. He is at a fork in the road. He can continue to use til he's done. Or he can start the hard work now. But there is nothing more that you can do.
I had to tell DD2, "let me know when you are done. Until then, I can't have frequent contact with you." And I made it clear that "done" meant done and detoxed (in order to set foot in the house). Otherwise, I could do nothing for her. We worked out a system that she would check in once a week by phone, just to let me know she was still alive. Literally. But it was a brief conversation about inane things like taking her dog to the vet for her shots (since she wasn't here to do it), and I steered the conversations away from her glorifying of what she was doing (she liked to sensationalize her adventures and I would change the subject each time - she finally got it and stopped telling me about what they were doing).
No matter how angry those conversations made me, I ended each one by telling her how very much I loved her, and that I would be waiting, when she was done. I'd hang up and then again have to work my way through the emotions and reminding myself the last thing she heard from me was that I love her and that now I was putting her back in God's lap again.... and letting go.
This is hard, hard, hard Barbara. I've been there - where you get up and check the "who's in jail" and the "J.Doe list" at the morgue online and then go on with your day. Eventually I stopped that - if she was in, I knew I'd get the collect call. And they have her DNA, so if anything worse happens, they'll let me know. Worrying before that time (which certainly might never come!) was a waste of time/energy.
Everything within me wanted to tell her to come home and even her Dad at one point was giving me the line about "using here is safer than using out there" - Wrong! Safer for her maybe, but it totally removed our safety (dealers delivering here?!) and it would have forced us to give up our right to a safe home where we can still find all our belongings!
There is really nothing else you can do. You won't live with drugs. He isn't done with them.
I am praying for you and Keven and your family. Stand strong and give Keven that statement verbally and by your actions - you won't live with drugs.
Keep writing, keep listening to a lot of different voices here.... We're thinking of you and literally walking this with you.
Obviously this is all just my two cents worth. WhatEVER you do, please know I care and I'm here for you!! BIG HUGS!
THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU to everyone. He texted and said he still wants to go to rehab. I told him if that was the case to let me know when to drop his belongings up there, but there was nothing else I'm willing to do at this point. We'll see.
I'm staying strong but my heart is racing a bit and my hands are shaky. I brought "Co-Dependents Guide to the 12 Steps" by Melodie Beattie to work with me today. I have to keep myself busy up here at the front desk so my mind won't wander.
Hang on Barbara! I'm learning with you as well, about how to let go from people who have been there.
Wow, I love the comments that Her Big Sad just shared. They are gold and I plant to follow them myself.
My advice is not to live with him in your house until he completes a long stint in rehab. I am not the most stable now but whatever sanity I still have is because I do not let the insanity of drugs come into the daily sanctuary of my home. You have a right and a need for peace in your own home.
Staying numb is the only way I make it sometimes. I wish you the best of luck! Stay strong girl, we can all make it.
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