Thanks for the warm and caring response to my last post. When I say "I don't know what I'd do without the support of this community of bloggers" I mean it LITERALLY. I think I'd probably be in a fetal position under all my blankets hiding from life. Its not just the encouraging words, its also the years of combined experience that help me more than I can say. So thanks again for being here for me. I really don't have many friends and none that I can discuss this topic with, you just can't get it unless you've lived it.
Ok, so here's the latest. His PO is awesome. I love having a team of people that actually know and care about my son and have the ability to throw his ass in jail. PO went to his girlfriends house, tested her (she was clean, she has not been with him since the weekend) and went through her phone. She got the numbers Keven's been using and is going to call him (she just called and told me this). She is telling him if he does not turn himself in within an hour he's going to regret it big time. She is giving him this opportunity to show her that he is more interested in recovery than in getting high. So if he passes that test and turns himself in, I can be a peace (for the moment). If not - who knows. Gina also told me that they "lost" another guy just last week, he was 29 and was a husband with a 9 month old baby at home. OD'd. Dead. She said she told Keven that story just yesterday but stories don't seem to help.
Did Blogger change their format for posting? It looks much different.
Thanks again, I'll let you know when I get the familiar call "This is Global Tel Link, you are receiving a call from an inmate at Santa Ana Central Jail complex, __________, (insert Keven's voice saying his name). You have $20.00 credit on your account, press pound to accept this call....etc." That damn recording is so familiar to me, but its also comforting at times.
Peace, Hope and Love,
Barbara
15 comments:
Thinking of you and hoping for the best.
I'm praying for you both.
Hugs
Tina
I wish my son had that PO. That is someone who clearly cares and doesn their job. It is great the girl was clean.
I will be praying he turn himself in.
Oh Barbara, I'm sorry! I had not been blog-hopping for a few days and didn't know. I know that kick in the gut feeling oh-so-well.
I am praying, and I just got Dad's church(s)to add you and Keven to their list. They are very familiar with Jack's daughter's prayer requests!
I am hoping and praying that this is a slip, not a full blown run, and that Keven chooses to turn himself in, right away! (And if not, that you get that Global TelLink call very soon! I love/hate that recording!!)
Big hugs and many prayers - And remember to be good to you!
You do not have to give up on Kevin but you do have to take care of yourself. Sounds so simple doesn't it?
But those words ring true. Keven is an addict and even though he suffers from a disease you cannot allow it to destroy both of you. Keven knows you are there for him, just be clear you you are not there for him to use you.
You only need to put as much effort into his recovery as he does. Use the extra energy for your own recovery.
Keven is your son and nothing can or ever will change that. No one says that there is an option to change that fact but we are all saying we care for you as much as we do Keven.
It's time for you to step back a minute from the mother/son relationship and have a clear moment of peace for yourself and maybe and adult conversation with Keven. That does not mean abandone him. If he chooses this life you are not abandoning him, he is abandoning you.
Praying, praying, praying! It's time for you to hand his care over to God...what will be will be. It is now more than ever Keven's destiny...He owns it. Let him and let God. Love and support to you.
Thank you Helga and Tina...I appreciate it.
Tori, I wish everyone had a PO like Gina, a judge like his judge and an attorney like his attorney. He has a TEAM OF DEDICATED PROFESSIONALS ON HIS SIDE TRYING TO HELP HIM. I am pissed off now - can you tell? Sigh. He says he realizes how fortunate he is, but actions speak louder than words and as of this moment, he still has not turned himself in.
Joy, I have a love hate with that recording too. We need all the prayer we can get. He's never run before, but its seems like he's on a fine line right now.
Ron, just seeing your name here made me feel better. I agree with everything you said, I needed to hear it and I thank you. I am going to remember that last line about who's abandoning who...its so true. Thank you!
Hi Barbara,
I feel the pain.
Do something nice for yourself. You have a lot of friends here. You also need to be a friend to yourself.
Oh Barbara ! :( I didn't check the blogs later on last night(I'm 3 hr.s ahead of you in time here) or your blog during the day today until just now...so I was blown away by this. I yelled out loud...shit, shit,shit, and then cried. I'm just so sorry. There's nothing I can say that anyone else hasn't already said. You know I care about you and Keven ...and am praying consistently for you both. I HATE addiction and what you're going through. Sending hugs and love and friendship.
Hoping for the best. Take care. Ron is so right. No sense in your going down into emotional hell. I just hope that Keven turns himself in soon.
Yes, Ron always has such great things to say, it's hard to hear sometimes, but in my gut I know he's right. Take care of yourself, no matter what happens. We love our boys so much, but we need to love ourselves too.
Thinking of you a lot...
I will be praying that he turns himself in....hang in there. You are in my thoughts. I have often thought I wish you were here! I wish you were so I could give you a hug and we could sit in my moms little house and we could drink coffee and you could keep me company.
Anna, so good to see your beautiful smiling face in my comments. Thank you, I know you understand the pain all too well.
Beateach, thanks. I know you care and you know I care...no words needed. I hate addiction too.
Syd, Ron is always right (smile) and I appreciate you checking back in here. As of 10 pm, he still has not checked himself into jail.
Momma, thank you, we do love our boys and I am doing pretty good at loving myself. I am finally getting the knack of it.
Annette, OH! I wish that too. I would love to be there with you at this special time with your mom. I would love to be with you anytime!!!
Love you, friend. Thinking about you all the time.
Does the PO have the right to test people's girlfriends and look through their phones? That sounds pretty draconian to me... Is the girlfriend this PO's client too? I don't understand what right the PO has to do this.
Over here if you use on top of a Drug Treatment and Testing Order they simply up your methadone! (And nearly everyone on these orders is a heroin addict. More than 50% of ALL arrests in this country test opiate positive. There's a big problem...) I never really understood the criminal justice system as it relates to drugs as I made my money begging rather than theiving (I hate stealing and the stress levels when I did rob the supermarket were so high it just wasn't worth it...)
I'm not saying the American system is "wrong" by the way, I'm just saying I don't understand it...
Are they truly addressing his mental health issues by the way?
It does sound strange to go from a schizoaffective diagnosis to depression/anxiety because depression/anxiety can be part of schizoaffective disorder or bipolar disorder. Maybe he's bipolar. That's what I think I probably am.
Anyway I'm sorry to whitter on. It's 7am and the silence here is killing me!
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