Way back in 2009 when I first suspected that my son was "up to something" I tried listening to his conversations in hope of gaining some insight. I even used a stethoscope to listen through his bedroom door! How embarrassing is that?
The "funny" part of this is that I don't know what I would have done if I did hear something because I was drowning in denial at that time, unaware for my need to surface and breathe. It was like I held my breath for months waiting for some dramatic event.
Then the dramatic even occurred. The rest has been a long, tedious journey of ups and downs.
I do believe that knowledge is power, because the more I learned, the better I was able to cope.
Note to parents who are new to this: The relapse issue was the hardest for me to grasp at first. Sitting in AlAnon listening to other parents talk about relapse after relapse, sitting in family groups listening to addicts say it was their second, third or fourth time in rehab.
That upset me. I had the mind set that once the addict decided to stop using and got in a program and was serious - end of problem. When I learned that "relapse is part of recovery" and accepted it, I was still disappointed, sad and/or angry when it happened....but I was never surprised and always knew it was not the end of the world.
Right now Keven has 16 days but now I find myself thinking "oh good, this must be the last time he's ever going to relapse because he's done it so many times now....this last time was the grand finale and he's finally done!!"
I need to be careful with my expectations.
Peace, Hope and Love, Barbara