Climbing Toward "Normal"

As I observe my son getting back into life outside of jail and rehab, I see him trying to find his bearings.  I think he's nervous but in a good way.  He's been very open with me, telling me what's going on in his mind, things he's discovering that are triggers, how important it is for him to keep busy.


I never thought much about this before, but the last couple of years has been very demoralizing for him, as a direct result of his own choices. 


No one trusted him, his friends started avoiding him, he lied, he stole, he was dirty and scary and unpleasant.  He was incarcerated three times.  He spent a total of four months in jail.  He had to register as a drug offender, give up his DNA, walk around in shackles and handcuffs.  He lost his freedom, his license and his self respect.


Now he's home.  He's wearing his own clothes.  He has freedom to do pretty much as he pleases within probation guidelines.  He can eat what he wants, sleep in a comfy bed in a quiet room, make calls, go online, hang with friends. 


Yet, it will take time for him to feel "normal" again.  Having a job will help.  Working out daily is also good.  Helping around the house.  Re-earning trust and respect.  Its not easy, but I think he's determined.  I see it in his eyes.


I've never been in his shoes so I don't know how it feels, but looking at him now I have a glimpse of how awful it must have felt while he was still using, living for the next fix, not caring about anyone but himself.  In the rare moments of not being high he must have felt very low, very ugly.  I wonder how long would it have taken for him to chose to start the climbing the path back to "normal"?


They say you have to be ready for recovery, but he was actually forced into it and has responded really well (so far).  I'm not sure the point of this post, just sharing today's thougths.




Peace, Hope and Love,
Barbara