Proud and Grateful

The "send off" for Keven tonight was very special.  I felt like the message that was chosen for the entire family group was especially for us, it was about the difference between HELPING and SERVING.   I'll share about that later, it was really good.

I have to admit, I felt very proud of my son tonight.   Hearing what his peers and the staff had to say about him touched my heart because it reinforced to me what I've seen with my own eyes:  He's grown a lot in this program, he's learned powerful tools to help him, he's found support and friendship, he's gained confidence, he's faced reality.

They opened up the group for questions and he was very honest.  He said he didn't know for sure if he'd use again or not but that he was working hard to maintain his sobriety (6 months) and was determined not to use, but the urge was still there.  He said the urge to use has lessened a lot since he first go there.  He said he only had two of his old friends that didn't party, friends from second grade that live on our street (they were the three musketeers growing up).

The most important aspects of this entire program for him has been a) the therapeutic community environment b) the counseling he got there and c) the dual diagnosis support group.  Understanding his underlying mental health issues has been a huge part of his recovery.  The guys he's bonded with most are also in that group and he will continue going to it every Wed. night.

One of the staff asked  permission to talk about his panic disorder and she told the group that in all her years in counseling she had never seen anyone with panic attacks as severe as Keven's.  (She was the one that called me to come take him to the hospital one night when he was off the charts and had passed out from an attack). 

I am proud of Keven for recognizing that his meds were all jacked up and that he could not stand it...he was literally ready to either run away (or worse) but he didn't want to - so he had himself committed to the mental health ward at the hospital for three days.  That was the BEST thing for him because they took him off ALL his meds and finally got him on the correct combination. 

Its like everything is falling into place.  There's a couple of guys that live in our area, around his age that left Phoenix House last week, he will stay in touch with them (one of them cracks me up and he's a musician, I really like that kid and hope they stay friends).

I feel so hopeful.  So many people said things about his character, his kindness, great talks they'd had, his sense of humor.  He SMILED a million times tonight.  When he smiles, I swear my heart smiles inside me.  He really is a special person.  I've always known that, but don't all mothers think that about their kids :)

I'm ready for him to come home, but part of me will miss going to Phoenix House and seeing the other residents and staff I've gotten to know and care about.  



Peace, Hope and Love,
Barbara