Last night Keven was at an AA meeting with his gf. It was her regular meeting, his first time there.
At the end when they gave out chips, he went up for his 6 months, and they gave him a marble. Just a regular old marble. No explanation. He asked a few people what that meant and no one knew.
Have any of you ever heard of this? Can you think of why they would give him a marble and not a chip?
P.S. Other people were getting chips, he was the only one to get a marble. I am mostly just curious about this, never heard of it before and I've been around AA for 20 or more years (via friends).
Peace, Hope and Love,
Barbara
12 comments:
Could be that the marble was given as a symbol. The old adage was, "put the marble in your mouth and when it melts, you can have a drink" Often this is done with newcomers but, should have been given with an explaination. Someone dropped the ball......
Michael, interesting, I'd never heard that before but that seems odd, especially since so many in attendance were not drinkers, but drug users.
He feels really hurt by it as if they were saying "we don't know you so we assume you are lying and don't want to waste a chip on you". He actually has over 6 months. He has never felt comfortable at meetings, this incident certainly didn't help.
His gf is VERY much into AA and talks about the 12 Steps all the time. She is a regular at the meeting but had never seen them give out a marble.
I thought the rule was no relationships until you had been sober a year.
Maybe they don't do chips except for one year. NoT every group does chips. Congrats to Keven for six months.
Lacey, thanks, that was interesting but other people were getting chips...
Syd, others were getting chips that's why he felt singled out. He's over it and will probably never think about it again, for me I'm just curious. But Lacey's article pointed out that using marbles dates way back in AA.
Lacey - dating after a year? That does sound familiar. Keven's not "in" NA or AA so I guess that's his girlfriends issue*. He goes with her but his main support groups are not affiliated with NA and AA, he goes back to Phoenix House 2 - 3 times a week for groups.
*I am not thrilled at ALL about the girlfriend. She seems very nice but there are lots of red flags. He'll have to figure it out for himself, he knows what he's getting into.
I think when the girlfriend goes back to this meeting she should find out what that was about.
Hopefully, a misunderstanding but if not find another meeting.
I don't know about the marble, but at PH they told us: When first sober, get a plant. If it's still alive, the second year get a pet. If still sober and the pet is doing well, the third year you'll have a good foundation for a relationship. Especially good advice for the adolescents who are still figuring out who they are sober. They don't let them have "relationships" there because (among so many other reasons) addiction is about avoiding yourself, and focusing on someone else (and their problems) hinders one's own growth.
I've never heard of this, but if you ever do find out, I hope you write about it.
Anna, that's what he plans to do.
Traci, I like that so much! About the plant and the pet and THEN the relationship. It bothers me so much that this woman (she's 8 years older than him!) and my son are seeing each other. Ugh.
Kathy, I will!
Paleo, how do you become a rock star?
My son is not fond of NA meetings either. He goes to an in patient program 3 days a week 3 hours a day and he says he likes that. I can't imagine that these meetings are completely different then NA?
If NA is something that your son wants to work, I hope he goes back or tries another meeting. I feel sad for him...they probably have no idea how disappointed he is. Maybe he needs to go to more than one meeting to collect a chip ...maybe he gets to turn in his marble for a chip after he is a regular but geeze just give the kid a damn chip.
I think the reasoning behind that is they don't need any emotional love related issues stirring things up. That just adds more fuel to the flame. So, it could become Keven's issue. You might want to voice your concern on it so he at least knows you are thinking about it. I realize there isn't much you can do with it, but at least he may think about it and kind of keep himself guarder where she is concerned.
Hi A Mom's SB,
I think the meetings are similar. He's required by probation to attend 4 meetings a week, two of them are "Dual Diagnosis" and two are N/A.
Lace, He sure doesn't need more fuel to the flame. He actually seems rather calm about the relationship. When I can tell he's anxious about something and I ask what it is...its never been her. Ha. So far!
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