THIS IS MY FIRST BLOG ABOUT MY SON'S ADDICTION. I no longer write here, but you can find me at the blog listed to the right, "Heroin Addiction - Ten Years In".
He's so full of anger again. He'll hardly say a word to me. This is how it used to be. I know he's not using. He asked to see both his doctors. The worry never ends does it? I am so tired. I have to go to work now.
All you can do is ride this out and have faith that he'll feel better. It's probably mental health having it's toll. Lord knows I get angry when my mental health is kicking my ass. Just let him know you are there if he needs to talk and then give him his space. As long as you know he's not using he'll be fine.
It never, ever ends Barbara. My daughter will always be one breath, one bad decision, away from a relapse. But, it is HERS. I can do absolutely nothing to fix it. I can pray, I can love her, I can be in her life to the extent that my personal boundaries will permit without harm to me.....
It is hard. The anger is one of the warning bells with my daughter. Literally, I would believe anger, as an indicator of usage, over a clean test (which can be faked or diluted or whatever)! I am NOT saying he is using.... just identifying with your sadness and concerns over seeing the anger return.
Please, please, please, take care of you! Get rest, and "play the tape through" mentally - if he uses, what will your response be, all the way to the end of the "film".... Being prepared and thinking this stuff out in advance means that if, heaven forbid, a relapse should come to pass, you are not having to make sudden decisions with your Heart, as you will have already erected your boundaries and made your contingency plans with your Head.
I hope this made more sense than I think it did! At any rate, please know I am praying for you and Keven.... extra prayers, extra hugs to you!
I think we all have those periods of rage or sadness. Keven just needs to learn how to adapt and deal with his. I hope he does. I think you have been through enough already.
((HUG)) This is his journey Barbara...let him find his way. You keep walking your walk and take good care of yourself. That is all you are responsible for.
I appreciate all these words...I wish I could say they were helping me but today not much is. I honest to God believe that he is not using because he told me his is doing all he can to not use, he just can't promise something "else" bad won't happen. He doesn't say it as a threat. He's scared too. He doesn't want to be this way. Its like I gave birht to him - its not my fault but it feels like it is, I have so much depression and shit in my family...and I never planned on having children, it was an accident - that turned out to be the biggest blessing of my life...but also the most heartbreaking, day to day challenge. I am sorry I just can't find strength today. I need prayer, I am praying and holding on.
Yes and no. I'm not a drug user but I have borderline personality disorder. Many a time I have been ruled by rages and anger. Has he tried an antipsychotic? It's a huge help to me!
9 comments:
All you can do is ride this out and have faith that he'll feel better. It's probably mental health having it's toll. Lord knows I get angry when my mental health is kicking my ass. Just let him know you are there if he needs to talk and then give him his space. As long as you know he's not using he'll be fine.
Take care of yourself Barbara.
Keeping you and K in my prayers. Sending love & hugs to you.
It never, ever ends Barbara. My daughter will always be one breath, one bad decision, away from a relapse. But, it is HERS. I can do absolutely nothing to fix it. I can pray, I can love her, I can be in her life to the extent that my personal boundaries will permit without harm to me.....
It is hard. The anger is one of the warning bells with my daughter. Literally, I would believe anger, as an indicator of usage, over a clean test (which can be faked or diluted or whatever)! I am NOT saying he is using.... just identifying with your sadness and concerns over seeing the anger return.
Please, please, please, take care of you! Get rest, and "play the tape through" mentally - if he uses, what will your response be, all the way to the end of the "film".... Being prepared and thinking this stuff out in advance means that if, heaven forbid, a relapse should come to pass, you are not having to make sudden decisions with your Heart, as you will have already erected your boundaries and made your contingency plans with your Head.
I hope this made more sense than I think it did! At any rate, please know I am praying for you and Keven.... extra prayers, extra hugs to you!
I think we all have those periods of rage or sadness. Keven just needs to learn how to adapt and deal with his. I hope he does. I think you have been through enough already.
((HUG)) This is his journey Barbara...let him find his way. You keep walking your walk and take good care of yourself. That is all you are responsible for.
She Who Is, your comment does give me hope because it sounds like you've been in his shoes.
I appreciate all these words...I wish I could say they were helping me but today not much is. I honest to God believe that he is not using because he told me his is doing all he can to not use, he just can't promise something "else" bad won't happen. He doesn't say it as a threat. He's scared too. He doesn't want to be this way. Its like I gave birht to him - its not my fault but it feels like it is, I have so much depression and shit in my family...and I never planned on having children, it was an accident - that turned out to be the biggest blessing of my life...but also the most heartbreaking, day to day challenge. I am sorry I just can't find strength today. I need prayer, I am praying and holding on.
Yes and no. I'm not a drug user but I have borderline personality disorder. Many a time I have been ruled by rages and anger. Has he tried an antipsychotic? It's a huge help to me!
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