He's very down, so am I.
I hate to say this, but sometimes I think it was "easier" when I could blame the drugs for his behavior, his moods. Now that the drugs have been gone for 8 months he's left with mental illness. He's been told that this will be a lifelong battle. So is the desire to use drugs.
So now instead of wondering if he will OD or end up in jail I live with new worries:
- will he start using again?
- will he commit suicide?
- will he ever be able to enjoy his life?
- are the meds even working?
His doctor took him off Risperdol because of some very hard to live with side effects. But then he had even worse symptoms which I will keep private (very scary). So he put him back on Ripserdol saying "you could have a psychotic breakdown if you don't take these". Then two days later (today) he is tested for ADD and put on a Strattera and taken off the Risperdol again. Now he is even more scared, confused, angry and depressed. And I don't blame him.
I am willing to give up my life to take care of my son if I have to - but I can't stand the thought of watching him suffer like this. Maybe he doesn't even have a mental illness? I don't really know what the f to do. I am trying to keep my mind off all this but how can I when he's here, lying on his bed, despondent and refusing to talk to me?
Peace, Hope and Love,
Barbara
8 comments:
Maybe he doesn't have a mental illness? I don't know the answer to this question, but I struggled with severe depression most of my life - until about 7 years ago I was diagnosed (at age 33!) with ADD. I was put on (and am still on) Strattera 60mg and a low dose of Wellbutrin. It has changed my life - for the better. I no longer suffer from depression - the kind that just sneaks up and grabs hold when everything is "really" okay. Obviously I can still get depressed when something "really" happens... I hope this makes sense.
But I guess my point is, there is hope. But it's important that both he and you monitor what the different medications are doing to him to make sure he gets the right ones (or NONE at all may be the "right ones"). I don't know the answer. He has to be going through some BIG changes in his life, a new life without drugs, it has to be a hard adjustment.
I continue to pray for you, K & A.
Sending love & ((hugs)) to you!
Barbara, I only know that going about my life rather than trying to give it up for someone else seemed the right thing for me to do. If I gave up my life for another, it never worked. Then there were two lives lost. Playing the game of "what if" never worked either.
That's what I said..the right medicine (type and dose level) can be such a miracle,....although it often takes time and tedious effort. Hang in there ....both of you !
I'm praying for you here.
Lori
Thank all of you for the comments. Its such a dang roller coaster ride, and I never did enjoy those....
Pint, the oldest grand suffers from ADHD. About the end of last summer, her regular meds stopped being effective.
She was switched to another ADHD med which made her worse, then her prescriber decided she was perhaps bi-polar and put her on Lamictal, which made her psychotic as hell. I only gave it to her less than a week. So the prescriber gave her Seroquel, and she threw a knife at her sister on day Two of that.. I took her off immediately and called the prescriber and bitched her out, following up with a letter. she switched her to Strattera, which made her mood swings impossible. Finally, in disgust, I took her off everything except her Clonodine which she needs to get to sleep at night. (she won't sleep at all.)
After two months of no meds, I printed out the different question/answer thingys off the internet for ADHD and Bi-Polar.
She had all of the symptoms of ADHD and two of the more than 30 of b-polar. During this whole freakin episode her grades dropped from straight A's to straight F's.
the prescriber finally admitted she was wrong and jumped the gun and put her on plain old Adderall.
Her grades are back up, the mood swings are almost gone and I have my little girl back.
sometimes, they just poke pills at you because they don't know what else to do.
I don't have experience with mental illness or ADD/ADHD, so I have no words of wisdom. I can only say that I'm keeping you, K and A in my thoughts and prayers.
I believe that with the right focus, the right drugs and dosages can be found; and he will start to feel better. However, such a hard, arduous road. And don't lose sight of the fact that 8 months clean is amazing!
Sorry I have been missing in action lately but truly feel your pain. My husband and I have huge arguments about whether J took drugs to treat an underlying mental illness or is he taking his current assortment of prescription drugs to cope with his addiction. Not sure that makes sense?
Finding the right combination of drugs for a dual diagnosis is a process and I know it can take time for them to start easing symptoms. At least that was the case for my daughter. Treating her depression is key in her sobriety because she is much more level and happier when taking her zoloft. She tried other medications but that is so far the one that works best for her.
Love your son, keep hoping and be there for him but don't give up your life. Easier said than done, I know. thoughts and prayers for you.
Post a Comment