Ant: I feel so bad, I accidentally hung up on him TWICE when he called from jail. This is unfortunate because he thinks I may be upset with him. I hope he calls again and I can hit the correct buttons (you have to add money to an account to be able to talk to someone calling from jail).
What scares me about both of them....they are both saying how much they are craving "it" and how hard its going to be to not do it when they are out, but how determined they are not to. K started to give me a list of his triggers today, some things that just can't be avoided in life:
- Shell gas stations
- Any gas station restroom
- Certain street names
- Certain hotel/motel names
- The Am/Pm Mini-mart by our house
- Certain songs
- Certain smells
- Black Evos (his old car)
I'm going to catch up on your blogs now....thanks for caring.
Peace, Hope and Love,
Barbara
7 comments:
They say a geographic cure (moving away) is not the "answer" for an addict, but I will say, I'd love to live somewhere else and be able to drive around with my daughter and not hear about every trigger we pass or every hotel she got kicked out of, or every corner she was arrested on. I have gone so far as to tell her "I don't want to know about it." But I'm a cranky old broad sometimes. ("sometimes?" says my husband.)
Anyway, thanks for your comment and Hugs to you tonight. Praying for a peaceful evening for you!
HBS, I know what you mean!!!! I think he enjoys telling me all the dramatic stories and I do NOT want to know! Moving sounds good to me but I don't think it will happen soon.
It's kind of ironic we all want to move to get away from their triggers. I can so relate to being told every little detail, like the other night about the projected "black eye" tidbit. I told him last night that no mother should be told that type of thing and I just don't need to hear it anymore. Some things are important to share, others not so much. He looked at me kinda funny because he has always felt free to tell me pretty much whatever he wants, like a good buddy. I set him straight finally because it was hurting me too much. I hope the new meds work, keep us posted on that.
IMHO, hope and determination are not enough to fight the triggers. There are many relapsed, who were determined. A person needs support-a spiritual program, NA or AA, Buddhism, SOMETHING...
you have to change at a deep, inner level.
I'm sure you know the AA saying--
"nothing changes, if nothing changes"
Renee, it never ceases to amaze me how much so many of our children are SO MUCH ALIKE, but it makes sense.
Lou, I agree 100%. If hope and determination were all it needed there would be a lot less addiction (and other problems) in the world. Ant is immersed in NA, he is in a special program at the jail where he spends 8 hours a day in classes! He said even though he's heard it all before, this time its jumping out at him and making sense. His gf is also going to meetings 5 days a week and she tells me how much she loves it. She has been looking for new friends for Ant in her meetings (not sure if that's good or bad but its sweet) and has gone to every NA function she can make it to.
K on the other hand....He LOVES PH and I think he's learning a lot there. They don't follow the 12 Step Program specifically. I really don't know what tools he's getting, or anything - he doesn't tell me much. So we'll - cause yeah LOTS has to change.
I agree with Lou. There will always be triggers some where. The spiritual malady has to be worked on. I hope that Keven is doing that and will get into a program that works on emotional and spiritual as well as physical issues.
I just hope that they're doing some sort of meditation there, or yoga, or something that is positive in terms of moving deeper into your body. There's something comforting about knowing that you can achieve relaxation within yourself.
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