But tonight he DID get to speak in front of a group for the first time. One of his friends is in an out-patient program and mentioned Keven to her group leader and he had Kev come in and share his story.
Keven liked it. I hope he keeps doing it and enjoying it, more intensive to stay away from drugs and hopefully help someone in the process.
One thing for sure - he didn't get the "public speaking" gene from me! On my other blog last week I asked "would you rather speak in front of a group for five minutes or be stranded alone in an elevator for an hour?" I was shocked at how few chose the elevator, I didn't have to think twice! :)
Unfortunately I have been really nervous and worried the last few days, I have no reason to but I can't seem to help it. He's doing good...but will it last?
Peace, Hope and Love,
Barbara
10 comments:
This is super fantastic news! Enjoy it, just be and get out of your head;) Yeah Kev!!!!!
That is wonderful news Barbara! Sometimes, when things seem to be going well...we are waiting for the sky to fall. Remember, you have no control...except over your thoughts...so make them sweet!
Barbara, that is super fantastic!!!
How validating and wonderful for your son!!
I think you are doing a wonderful job, too. It's working.
It has been seven months. He has done everything you have asked and required of him. I think he has earned the right to be trusted without reservation.
If you can't trust him when he's using, and you won't trust him when he's clean, that kind of leaves him in a tough spot, unable to do anything at all to earn your trust.
There are no guarantees for any of us. But I think the greatest gift you could give your son at this point is your trust.
Much love.
Renee and Sherry, thanks. Yep you're right I need to get out of my head and think sweet thoughts!
Tonjia, I am giving him back trust bit by bit. You said "He has done everything you have asked and required of him." I WISH! :)
To be honest, he has done most of this because the courts have told him too. They carry a lot more weight than I do in his mind. His PO is a woman and she told him "Just think of me as a mom that has the ability to throw you back in jail". I kinda liked that. She told me to call her if I needed to have her throw him in jail (it was a joke, all three of us laughed...but it was also serious, cause I can call her if I need to).
I really can't take much credit. I've loved him and encouraged him, but I think getting his rights taken away from him is what finally got his attention.
Ron, I agree with you. I don't fully trust Keven, that will come in time (I hope I can fully trust him again someday). But I do trust him enough to give him the freedom to do whatever he chooses to do and the consequences. The consequence of doing the right thing (getting a hair cut with the $20 I gave him) or the wrong thing. So far he's made all the right choices. He has access to a car and has not abused that privilege. His curfew is 10 pm and he's been in by 9:59, but never after 10. Fear of the law. His PO could show up here any time at 10 to check on him.
On the other hand, when Anthony was around, I would not give him one dollar because I have never gotten to the point of trust with him. I'd cook him a meal, but not give him money for food. I'd give him a ride, but not lend him my car. I would not leave him alone in my home for five minutes because he might steal something. I won't have to deal with that again for a long time :(
I agree with everyone, Keven is doing great and so are you. When you have been through as much as you have as a parent of an addict, it is normal to prepare for the worst, but that sometimes puts us in a position of "missing the good" that is happening right now. I call this projecting, when I am doing it, and I generally project "negative stuff," rarely "positive stuff."
I also have to agree with Ron and don't believe for a minute that Keven has earned your universal trust back. Trust is not a guarantee but an earned right of respect. As he continues to do well, you will trust him more and more. And the stronger he gets, the more he will actually understand that. As a side note, recently Bryan indicated that the program asked him to get a credit card number from me so that he could send flowers to someone (it was about making amends, sort of). I said, "No," and I think I added, "Are you joking?" He actually said to me, "Mom, don't worry about it. I knew you would say no, and I understand why. It is not time yet to trust me with that type of information. No worries." I think he wrote her a letter instead. He gets it; and I bet that Keven does as well, which is why the lower level of trust does not put him in a bad place.
Sorry for the long post and the bit of rambling. I'm doing that a lot today. I continue to keep you, Keven, Ant, and Kelly in my thoughts and prayers.
Barbara, he is doing great today. It is one day at a time. Staying in the day is a good thing. Glad that Keven shared his story. That is a way to be honest.
this is excellent news barbara...thanks for sharing it
I am so impressed and excited for Keven and you too. Who knew that he would be able to get up and do that? Give him a giant hug from me. I am really excited.
I'd just enjoy the NOW :) B/c the now seems pretty great - like WOW - he is speaking in front of a group!!!??? To me that's amazing - yep - I'm one who would choose the elevator too!!!
I'm so proud of him :) And his story WILL influence/motivate others.
Praise God! It really is exciting to hear!
Love & hugs to you!
Speaking to those groups will probably keep him accountable for his actions.
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