January 4, 2012

Easier Said Than Done

Yesterday he went to see his PO (my hope for him being court ordered to a reahb).  The PO was TOO BUSY too see everyone that showed up so he had Keven sign a piece of paper and told him to come back in two weeks!!!!!!  I guess this is what real PO's are like?  We're used to having the kind that is in your face, coming by your house, drug testing you twice a week, etc.

So I gave him till Saturday to find a place to go and we will pay his first month of sober living, since he refuses to go back to a rehab, and I don't blame him....after 5 there's not a whole lot he's going to learn, he could probably lead one (certainly not by example - but he can quote from the Big Book all day long, has all the tools, etc.)

He hasn't used again.

Today I go to work and he will be home alone with my mom, who is getting soft already and saying maybe it wouldn't be that bad having him here.  I begged her NOT to say that to Keven.  He's out and that's all there is to it.

But, darn it, its not easy kicking your kid out when he has no money, no place to go, no friends to call, no nothing, just a ripped up duffle bag of clothes.  I need strength for this...

Thanks for all the comments, I'll be catching up on blogs when I get to work and have time (ironic, most people have to work at work, I just sit there and answer phones).

Peace, Hope and Love, Barbara


abbie said...

PO sounds like an idiot. Glad you can go to work to get some rest. ;)

Maija said...

Just keep doing the things you are able to live with...
I can see that is my path- there is no clear cut answer.

Anonymous said...

Actually, it sounds like the PO is overworked and overbooked -- like most government employees -- to me. He probably doesn't have time to do weekly drug tests on everyone he's responsible to keep track of.

but he can quote from the Big Book all day long, has all the tools, etc.

So what's he doing with all these quotes and tools?

Barbara said...

Abbie, I'm glad I'm at work too!!!

Maija, That's true, there is no clear cut answer because every individual on this planet is unique with unique circumstances.

Jarred, I agree. That's exactly what I told Keven. Although I do agree with Abbie a bit too because he's NEVER MET his PO and its been almost 2 months since he got out of jail.

Ruth said...

Barbara, you and your boys have been on my heart and in my prayers over the holidays. And I don't just pray for anyone because I'm not a very disciplined prayer. Specifically, my prayer is for a future.

It seems to me that Keven needs to get far far away from all that is associated with that life. Are there any recovery and working communities like Wagner Hills Farm which is up here in Canada where I live? http://www.wagnerhills.com/

Syd said...

Stay strong with your boundaries.

Anonymous said...

WOW is all I can say. I predict that he will definitely be living with you again...too many boundaries are already gone. I feel for you and am praying for you...you said yourself he is not ready for recovery - better take cover as your home will soon be front and center in the battle! I was Kevin, and again, the only thing that saved me was losing EVERYTHING and EVERYONE that meant ANYTHING to me...sorry if this is too harsh but you are enabling the disease not helping your child :-(

Barbara said...

Ruth, my father was from Canada and I've always wanted to visit there. Thanks so much for your prayers.

Syd, its a moment by moment thing but so far so good.

Anon. YES I WANT TO HEAR THIS SO PLEASE KEEP SHARING. I need to hear it over and over and over.

Her Big Sad said...

Suggestion - i will email with more, but wanted to post this one real quick - just a suggestion.

Never pay for more than one week of sober living at a time. If they want a month, forget it.

A reputable place will let you pay each week. And you can make that contingent on a CLEAN TEST. (We learned that the hard way, after plunking down a month's charge, and having her relapse/kicked out, in three days. NO REFUND!)

Ok, gotta go walk a dog for a client, but will come back and email you in a few!


Big hugs,

Tracy said...

There are good & bad POs. My experience is the good ones aren't burned out (yet) & the bad ones have already begun looking for another job, if they haven't found one already.

If your mom is softening to Kevin, it is bc he is behaving well & manipulating everyone. Don't be fooled. He CANNOT accomplish this without taking some kind of drug. We "like" Shane best when he's ON opiates (subox, whatever), but that we're now aware of this doesn't make it any easier. How could K possibly be stable from a few days of sleep & no drugs? Just sayin'... Your strength is your forte now, my hope is that you refuse to be fooled once again. <3

Kansas Bob said...

My son once showed up at our door with clothes in a bag when he was 23 advising us that he would be moving back home. I advised hi that he could not and demanded that he find a friend to crash with. After a week of being with a friend he wound up on his sister's couch. Stayed there for almost 6 months until he went in the Army.

Stay strong Barbara. He is acting weak but you do not have to. Either way, know that you are doing a great job!

Steven Hawking said...

ading a news paper to do with consuming illicit drugs ? On the face of it a stupid question. The reason why a number of illicit goods of human consumption are illegal is because they change peoples behaviour and decision making process. With the need for such one needs a market, a dealer and a consumer, classical economics. Listening to the Leveson inquiry over the internet on phone hacking one gets the impression the impression the news papers are the producers, the journalist the dealers and the reader the consumer. In the western world with people with more free time this could be a problem.
Steven Hawking

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