January 11, 2012

More Words of Wisdom in Comments

Thanks for all the great comments to my last post.  Anna left one that several people mentioned so I thought I'd share it for all to see because this is good advice gained from experience:

"When they are exhausted and dope sick with nowhere to go they come home for awhile if you let them. They come home just long enough to regain their strength then it is right back out the door again. If you know this and choose to let him back in that is your decision. I just want to point out that this is a pattern that often occurred at my house and I see it at yours."

I see it at my house too and I've even told myself "never again!" but let him in.  Let's hope this time I finally learn.  Yesterday I deep cleaned my room - dusted, scrubbed, washed, etc. etc. etc. every item in there is spotless and shiny clean.  I think I was subconsciously "cleaning Keven out of my life" not in a mean way, but some sort of symbolic way.  Or...maybe I just felt like cleaning, I am a bit obsessive about it.

He texted me for a phone number today, said he's sober and is going into sober living tonight. I gave him the number and said good luck.

Peace, Hope and Love, Barbara

9 comments:

Terri said...

Every time my son has left my home after being there high or causing high drama I felt the need to clean. It sort of felt like purging the demon of addiction from my home.

Great response to Keven's request!

beachteacher said...

Keep going girl,...1 step at a time. I know what you mean about the cleaning,..last summer I about did an exorcism on D's room. I'm proud of you & still praying here.

Hattie Heaton (Mom of an Addict) said...

Exorcism is a great description. I think you were kicking addiction and all of it's filth the hell out of your house....Good for you! It's not about learning Barbara, it's about accepting that you must do what most parents would never have the nerve to do in order to save their child. Just kick addiction out.....so that Keven, the real one that you know and love has a fighting chance to survive.

Annette said...

When things are bad for me, I start cleaning too. I always feel like I am trying to bring order where I feel the rest of my life is out of order. Its a healthier choice compared to what we could be doing! lol

Keep at Barbara. He chose to leave this time, and not come back. Let him live out his own choice.

Mrs F with 4 said...

I liked Anna's comment, too. Cleaning, decluttering, is therapeutic on so many different levels, I find. Which is doubtless why, although I may be herding rabid dust bunnies from room to room, I do have immaculately clean baseboards.

Sending, as always, peaceful thoughts your way.

Topper said...

thought about what you wrote about Anna's comment, just spent some time with my son today, where he is basically threatening me with some friend watching/observing the house while we are at work, and then me letting him beat me out of $30 at grocery. I could kick myself. Makes me sad. tired of it all. Stay strong. This is hard stuffl

Dad and Mom said...

Barbara,

We always cleaned too. I can remember so clearly finding the syringes each time. I'd take them to the garage and use my wire cutters to cut them into little pieces into the trash can. I wouldn't just cut them in half I'd cut and cut and cut. They would be in 1/4" pieces. My anger was taken out on those needles. It was a little satisfying.

Now while you are cleaning work your plan and think of "what if's". Work scenarios in your head, know what to do. We know they do the same thing over and over. There are no surprises.

Our problem as parents is that we REACT. When I would react to Alex I always did the things that helped no one, neither Alex or us. Practice what to do when he calls, practice what to say when the call comes from jail. When he is sitting on the stoop waiting for you to come home. When he uses others, your mother, Ant, old girlfriends. When he cons a PO or a counselor.

You know all of these things are going to happen plus many more that you have seen before. Reactions are bad, planned thought out ACTIONS are good.

It is so much better when you know what to do because you OWN your life and it isn't be hijacked by an addicted loved one.

Good luck, take the time you need to purge then grab your life back.

Ann said...

I am so sorry...praying for your entire family...

Syd said...

I'm glad that you are detaching. It will be best for you and for Keven. Take care.

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