January 8, 2012

Good Day

Things are actually going pretty good right now.  Keven has been calm, is not using, and spent time with a friend yesterday (he's been in the house all week and it was good for him to get out).  His attitude is better, he's been courteous and grateful.  But I will still be glad to have him move out this week because as we all know, even when things are good there is a feeling of "waiting for the other shoe to drop".  And when/if it drops the nightmare begins again.

I'm reading blogs, drinking coffee and listening to Paul Simon play "The Sound of Silence" live.  So far its a good day.

(Paul is here in my living room giving me a concert, Art couldn't make it).

One of the greatest duets in music....wore out all my S&G albums when I was a kid.



Peace, Hope and Love, Barbara

P.S.  Went to my meeting yesterday (notice:  MY meeting, the people there are awesome and I aleady feel like I've known them for a long time).

24 comments:

Mrs F with 4 said...

I'm happy to hear you are having a calm and peaceful day...and that you feel 'at home' both in your own house, and at the meetings.

Oh, Art couldn't make it to your house...because he's in mine!

beachteacher said...

Good to hear this. I love Simon & Garfunkle ! Remember them on that R & R Hall of Fame induction performance ? They were amazing ! I think I'll put them on now. You inspired me. : )

DDD said...

Happy that things are going well. You deserve some "at peace" time. Keep the faith.

Vegas Linda Lou said...

I remember that "waiting for the other shoe to drop" feeling so well. I could never trust my happiness when I was married to B.H. The present moment for you seems lovely--enjoy!

Kansas Bob said...

Serendipitously I posted about silent sounds today. :)

LL Cool Joe said...

Long may the good days last!

Beautiful song and performance.

Anonymous said...

Wow, to go from meth and shooting bath salts and acting psychotic to totally stopping using and being calm, I've never heard of such a thing.

Annette said...

I'm glad you are having a better day, Barbara.

Anonymous...can you at least use your name so you can stand behind your comments?

bugerlugs63 said...

Hi
I love S&G too . . . beautiful harmonies. "Hello darkness my old friend".
I'm hoping "The monster" is not being sweet with the hope of you letting him stay. . .
I do hate to be the one to put a downer on it . . . especially when you're having such a good day . . but you did ask to be reminded.
I did wonder how much of the psychosis was real when he said he'd thrown the "works" in the sewers as the police came. Either he did, which would mean he was "quite together" Or there were no "works" and that was an act too (which is what I suspected).
I sort of get what Anonymous is saying . . . This is all part of "It's" manipulation . . . Not Keven's, The monster's.
It will see your mother as the weaker link with it being her house and her being willing to let him stay. Stay strong.
I'm pleased you had a good day with your music and meeting. The last thing I want is to bring you down . . . only for you to be aware of the "shape-shifting" abilities of this devious creature when it comes to getting it's own way. All said with love Barbara. I'm looking forward to you getting many more of these peaceful days. Hugs n love. Di

Anna said...

Peace and calm are very welcome no matter what the underlying reason.


I do know that they can be a part of the manipulation though. The truth comes out when you oppose the addict's will on the smallest of things.

Also, it is not at all unusual for people with a mental illness to experience extreme shifts in emotion.

notmyboy said...

I am so glad today is a good day. Take the peace when it comes.

Anonymous said...

Anna, I agree with you re the shifts in emotion when there is mental illness but I have been told by many addiction counselors that it is next to impossible to actually diagnose a disorder until the addict has at least one year of sobriety. Further to that, meth users and people who inject bath salts do not go from manic to totally calm. I don't think that it helps Barbara when everyone just kind of strokes her. Yes, we all need support when going through this but we can also become enabler when we do not speak the truth to her. She has been through hell as have most of us but I just cannot not try speak what I believe is the truth to her.

Barbara said...

Thanks for all the comments and tips and observations.

I'm not sure what to say about why Keven is suddenly calm, but he is. If he's using something, he sure is hiding it well because I haven't seen him this normal in a long time. I still notice he has these uncontrollable ticks and he breathes really hard sometimes. He told me he is anxious when he wakes up and when he goes to bed but in the middle of the day he's okay.

Was he faking psychosis?
I don't know.

Is he trying to manipulate us into letting him stay here?
No, because he can't stay here even if we wanted him to (he's ordered by PO to sober living).

So far he hasn't asked for anything out of the ordinary and just told me he's content hanging around the house today but might meet up with a friend later.

Anon, I don't need to be handled with kid gloves. I am not as weak as my writing may make me out to be on my bad days. I always want the truth and appreciate people that are willing to tell it like it is. For some reason I feel insulted by your comment about everyone stroking me...I hope that's not true. I am not stupid nor naive and I realize that having one good day doesn't mean a thing other than today is a nice day and I will take what I can get. I'm not someone that needs to be stroked or wants it. I think you have the wrong impression of me. I write my thoughts here, I write about how I feel in the moment and I don't edit my thoughts. I get the feeling that you personally don't like me, but I'm not sure why.

Anonymous said...

Barbara, I apologize if my words made me feel like I don't like you. That was not my intention at all. I don't know you and I am not judging you. I really do feel though that you like me have made the same mistakes over and over with our addicted children. I just don't believe that anything positive happens when people say things like oh you did what any mother would do, etc., we need to hear the truth however painful that may be MYSELF included. I took the time to read back over many of your old posts from 2009 and the ones in 2011 mirrored the ones in 2009. I too have been there and by the grace of God I a trying to change things. I also pondered the name of your blog, my life, his addiction but it seems like your life (mine included) has been his addiction, my life. I am working on that as well. Once again, I apologize if I offended you, it really was not my intention, when I write a comment I am also speaking to myself.

Kathy Scruton said...

A good day, with one day at a time, take it! I admire your strength Bar.

Maija said...

oxox

Dawn said...

Good to hear you had a good day. Good music and being in nature can always brighten my day! You and Keven are always in my thoughts. Stay strong -

Bristolvol said...

This anonymous person sounds a lot like the Truth Dad used to. I was so glad when he finally gave up his blog. Surely he did not come back to haunt us again on the internet. Just enjoy your good days but keep up your guard. That is all you can do. One day at a time.

Mrs F with 4 said...

I have to jump back in...I certainly don't want, or intend, to stroke you, Barbara, nor to encourage you in false hopes (though you are surely wise to that particular trap!); but to gently support, and encourage you to to take hope, peace, pleasure, and enjoyment where you can. For otherwise, surely life would not be very bearable.

With love. Mrs F

beachteacher said...

Bristol's made a good point, & I also hope that Truth Dad hasn't returned ! His sanctimonious, know it all way was more than I could take !

Erin said...

Dad 4 truth upset me so many times but we need to remember that he too is suffeiring his son is in his mid thirties if I remember correctly and a meth addict. My son is 24 I cannot even begin to imagine what mental state I will be in if my son is still using heroin in his 30s.

Barbara said...

Erin, good point. I don't know who it is and I guess it doesn't matter, I just feel like they have something against me and I'm not sure why, but that's okay too.

Signe said...

Barbara, I nominated you for your 7 things. :)

Syd said...

Barbara, so glad that you have met some people at the meeting who understand and that you can talk to. That is the wondrous thing about the fellowship--people have been where you are, have lived to get through it, and now actually have peace of mind.

You know Keven better than any of us do. And you've been down the road of having peace and calm go to a war zone. The ups and downs of the disease are terrible. Just take care of yourself.

I think that my favorite S and G song was the Dangling Conversation. Maybe I had a premonition that I would have many of those.

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