My mood matches the weather today. I'm on the ninth floor of an office building looking out at the gray sky and rain.
The last month has been hard, its taken a toll on me. I'm tired of the way things are. I don't want to be the mother of an addict anymore. Where do I go to resign? If it were only that simple.
I think Keven has a lot of work to do if he wants to find wholeness and healthiness, but he has no motivation to do it because he's living in our home, eating our food, living the good life. He's not using, or he would not be there.
I keep putting off having a talk with him about his next steps, and where he's going to live and all that. I am in avoidance/denial and being a total chicken shit because I can't take any more arguments or hassles or heartbreaks or infuriation or any type of emotional meltdown. So I stay numb and do nothing.
You don't have to bother telling me how unhealthy and "wrong" this is, I'm aware of that. But this is where I am today. I don't plan on staying here, but for today it's all I can do.
Peace, Hope and Love,