What happens when someone says "Don't think of a yellow submarine"? You usually think of a yellow submarine (perhaps even this one!)
There are basic "tools" you learn to survive the turmoil and heartbreak having a child addicted to heroin. We all know them. One of them is to distance yourself emotionally for your own self preservation. I get this, and its one of the most valuable of the tools.
But...
It seems like when something is up I am either obsessed with worry or obsessed with telling myself to "let go". Either way the focus is on him and I am miserable. Its like trying not to think of a yellow submarine.
I understand why many parents do better when their addict is not living in the home. Out of site...not out of mind, but at least not constantly aware of every mood, action, etc.
Tonight he had a fight with the gf. This is normal for teen couples. But for him and her - it could mean so much more than just an argument. You know what I'm saying.
So I am spending the evening telling myself not to worry, forcing worry from my mind every five seconds and having knots in my stomach even though I am "not worrying" because I have "let go".
Thanks for listening.
Special thoughts going out tonight to all of you who are having an exceptionally difficult time.
Peace, Hope and Love, Barbara
10 comments:
Worry never solved anything for me. It just made me feel bad. Letting go means that I don't worry. I accept that I cannot change another or control their behavior. It is truly a relief.
Stay strong Barbara, pray :)
Climb into a lifeboat and cover up with the things that you enjoy.
Letting go is hard. Especially, as you write, the object of your obsession is in your line of sight constantly. For me, learning to behave in *any* way that is the opposite of my default mode is hard. Very hard. But I also think that, like any new habit, it gets easier with practice. I'll keep you all in my prayers.
My daughter is in Australia but she is very present in my life here in Minnesota. I know what you mean. It is hard to not worry when we have been conditioned by the recent past to expect "things" to happen. It is a way of being prepared. But, Syd is right; worry doesn't solve anything. Worrying doesn't make the situation better of different. it just puts a pit into our stomachs.
I am thinking of you Barbara,
xx kris
Things got better for my emotional and mental well being when my son moved out of the house. Nobody needs to see a loved one implode before their eyes on a daily basis.
It is almost as if we are pretending not to worry and obsess and then we are actually worrying and obsessing, but doing it in an "around the corner" sort of way. Hang in there Barbara. You have additional challenges because he is home with you. ((Hugs and prayers to you))
I do know what you mean! The GF thing is always a worry...even when I obsess about not worrying.
Barb, I understand. You can tell yourself 100 times not to worry, but you will. We want so much to rescue them. To protect them from themselves.
God Bless you. I know the worry. Sometimes it helps me to think " She will or she won't..... then physically move to doing something else in a different spot. Shifting physically tends to help me shift emotionally too.
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