I'm reading your blogs.
I care about you and your son or daughter.
I pray for each of them, it can't hurt but to be honest, it doesn't seem to help all that much either.
Because I'm working full time again my time online is limited. But my top priority when I log onto my laptop is to check out what's happening with each of you.
It feels hopeless sometimes; like a chaotic mess that will never end. Or sometimes it feels like the calm before the horrific hurricane (storm is too gentle of a word). Even when nothing is happening, its always there in the back of our mind that something could happen at any minute.
Some of us are better at detaching, more experienced. Some are still learning. I am at the stage where I am either worrying or trying not to worry - then I have moments where I just don't care at all and wish he'd go away, then I feel guilty for thinking that.
I always thought these would be the years I struggled with getting ready to have "empty nest syndrome". HA! I WISH!
I want my life back. I am taking it back little by little but until he's either stable or out of the house (or I am out of this house) it will forever be an issue.
Peace, Hope and Love, Barbara
8 comments:
I could have written this post...and I am sad for us all.
Dear, Sweet, Barb. You have to know that every single thing you feel is 'normal'. You are not only 'not alone' in what you're experiencing - you're not alone in what you're feeling. It's NORMAL - to sometimes want him gone - out of the house - out of your life. It's NORMAL - to feel guilty for having felt that. Everything you're feeling is NORMAL - it's the situation that isn't normal. YOU are normal. What you're dealing with is not. And it's normal to want to BE NORMAL.
I hope you find a way to normal, Barb. It's your RIGHT to be normal - the situation has stolen that from you.
Hi Barbara! I hope the light of day finds you happier than last night.everything is more intense in the dark. Especially feelings :) I agree with all the comments. Try to let go today. Be 100 percent YOU focused. And for me, prayers are the answer. It's just that the Man Upstairs...he knows I need time to learn, so he goes VERY slowly so I can catch up with Him:)xoxo
I want you to know I come here and read each day, but as I have never had to deal with many of these issues I feel my comments might not be anything but "I am glad to hear" or "I am sorry to hear.."
But you and K are in my thoughts and prayers
Sweetie, I know that you are exhausted from everything K is doing or not doing; and everything you are feeling or not feeling. You need to relax as much as you can, focus on what helps you to feel better; and K will continue to travel the path he is traveling, regardless of what you say or do.
You are always in my thoughts and my prayers; and I wish I could simply give you a hug! I'm sending you a hug now! hug hug hug
I'm always here and always reading, even if I don't always comment. I am praying for you and Keven and all of us.
As Dawn said "Day by day"
It's all we can do.
With hugs and much love
Carolyn
Barb, I have heard that "forever" is a God word. I just stay in this day and do the best I can. Glad that you are detaching and doing the best that you can.
I am rejoicing with you that you have full time employment Barbara. It reminds me that there is hope and that God answers prayers.
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