Things got worse, then they got better.
I'm just at a loss for what more to do for him to help him fight these demons. Its not drugs. My deep gut instincts is telling me that's not it. It's what goes on in his mind. The anxiety, the thoughts, the fears.
I know it COULD be drugs, I am not naive. I just don't think it is.
Its hard to see him suffer. I hate this.
Peace, Hope and Love, Barbara
14 comments:
His meds need adjusting, he shouldn't be in crisis like he is. If his meds are the best they can be then your both going to have to cope until it's time for him to go, having his exit plan in place is probably realistic at this stage. If he damaged something does he fix it? He probably would have kicked himself out of my place if he was living with me. There are consequences and responsibilities. If he put a hole in my wall i would expect him to patch it up within a reasonable amount of time.
Barbara, I hope that you will take care of yourself and consider getting into a 12 step program that will help with the insanity of the situation in which you are living. Like you wrote above--it isn't really living. Don't you deserve to live and be happy?
It's so hard not to be sucked into the maelstrom of trying to save our children. Like LisaC said, it doesn't matter if it's drugs or mental health issues he needs help. And you need to please take care of yourself. Try not to take on his suffering, it won't help him and will slowly destroy you.
Sending prayers your way,
Carolyn
Barbara, you cannot help him. You are not a doctor. I would ask his psychiatrist to admit him and have him thoroughly tested and keep him under observation until they figure out what helps him. Also, if he is not able to work, he might qualify for social security, depending on the diagnosis. You deserve to live your life in peace and you need to let go and let God. I know how hard this is for a mom, trust me. But if you don't, you are going to end up sick yourself. Love and hugs, dear friend.
Amen to all of the above. I know its hard. So heartbreaking to not be able to help our kids...but everyone is right Barbara. You can only take care of yourself. Cal his psych and see if he can help Keven.
Lots of good thoughts above... and I will echo the one common thread: you do indeed deserve a calm and serene life. And another thought... Keven must learn how to get through these episodes himself because you will not be here forever. I keep telling my daughter that, which pisses her off, but it's the truth. In the natural order of things, I will not be here one day to jump into the fray and help her solve things. She must learn to deal with her bipolar disease AND with her addiction. In any way she chooses.... even if the choices she makes are detrimental - it's not mine to solve. and I hate that I can't fix it!
Is he still affiliated with Phoenix House in any way? Might they be a resource for some help? And though I know you don't want to take this step, might they have sober homes affiliated directly with their program?
I'm praying for you to find some resolution to all of this and some peace and calm in your home. You do indeed deserve it. Don't think otherwise. You are not being selfish to want to have peace, serenity and safety in your own home! I'm praying too, for Keven to get the help he needs from his doctors. (I will emphasize what others have said - do not stop psych meds suddenly - it can have devastating results - titration is necessary.) Love, hugs and prayers, my friend! Sorry I rambled.
Spin, I agree with you that he should not be in crisis. I also agree about consequences. Last time he punched two holes in my door and I called the cops - that is why he has a felony on his record, all his drug charges are misdemeanors. I regret doing it now but at the time I had to because I found drugs in his room (which is why he punched the holes...."
The things is - how much should he be held accountable for if he responsible for if he can't control himself?
Syd and Carolyn and Bristol, I know I am suppose to be taking care of myself. I am as best I can. I do things I enjoy, I work, I meditate and pray. I don't know what else I could do. I try to exercise everyday too. Thanks for caring about me. That helps a lot.
Annette, I thought about you during the "crisis". For some reason you and Her Big Sad came to mind and I even asked myself what you would do in this situation. Thanks for telling me your thoughts. I just started a record book of his episodes with the last incident a few weeks ago.
Kristin - WOW. Thank you. This is why I blog, I get so much great insight I would not get otherwise! I feel I receive so much more than I give here.
I have never asked about a safe place, I am going to. I don't know it its in his bedroom because sometimes he can't sleep without the lights on - or in extreme conditions with someone in the room with him. This is sad for a 19 year old guy that is a 6"1' bodybuilder. His physical self and his mental self are world's apart.
I am going to remember next time not to talk to him in a rage, this is where I go wrong! I try to calm him down and that's the worse thing I can do. Thanks for some very practical advice. I just finished 12 weeks of NAMI how come I don't know all this? I guess its different when your in the midst of it vs. sitting in a classroom.
HBSad, you didn't ramble, every word was helpful and I thank you, my friend, for sharing. I know you have been through this and more with your daughter. I appreciate all of your comments and emails so much!!!
If you have to ask or wonder, then you know the truth. We have both been on the same merry go round. My advice would be to trust your gut, protect yourself and stay strong. Go get your own help and let him fight his own demons. We want to fight for them, but they never really let us. They sabotage our efforts, because of their own tremendous guilt.
Barbara,....we ALL care about you very much ! And YES,...please get medical help for Kev pronto....he and you don't have to suffer like this. I do think that he can be helped tremendously by adjusting his meds. accurately. I remain convinced that he WILL have peace of mind and a good life once his medication and physical needs (brain wise) are appropriately met. You are SUCH a good mom and an amazing person. Hang in there. Please e-mail me if you would like to.
Lori
The reason i said he needs a 'time out' is because when i worked in a secure facility that's what would happen. The responsibility would be the consequence of his actions. Actually the rooms would be fixed so that he can't see the destruction of his actions and then the psych nurse would be called unless the police were called first if he was a danger to himself or others. He has to learn the rules. It's never a personal thing, it's just how it is. The psych nurse would adjust the meds and he will not be in crisis. You and others need protection as well as k. Look after yourself.
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