I am very upset.
Keven is acting the same way he used to act - full of anger, punching holes in doors, etc. He is NOT using drugs. He gets drug tested twice a week by his PO.
He says he is still seeing things, hates his life, hates the way the meds make him feel, will not go see his dr. to talk about it again and that "something bad is going to happen soon." He hinted at some ugly things, I asked "what do you think will happen?" he said he doesn't know we'll have to wait and see.
I am a wreck. I can't kick him out, part of his probation is to live here in this "stable residence".
I am afraid for him and of him. I feel the walls closing in on me again and like I will know a moment's peace until he's back to "normal"
He says he hates his life and doesn't want to live like this. Then he left for an NA mtg. with his gf.
I don't know what to do. I am so messed up. I feel like all the progress we've made over the last 8 months vanished into thin air and he's that evil, mean person again.
P.S. I have considered taking Kev off all his meds. Its hard to know if they are making him better or worse. I can't ask his psychiatrist this since its his job to prescribe drugs. Do you know anyone who has ever done this in a 19 year old? He's on a bunch of stuff....
Peace, Hope and Love, Barbara
8 comments:
I'm so sorry you have to go through this Barbara! I just said a prayer for both of you! I'm not educated in mental illness, so I can't give advice...all I can do is let you know I'm praying for you and Keven!
I'm praying too! I'll email you privately....
Barbara, I think that it would be best to talk to his doctor. Taking someone off medication without notifying the physician sounds risky to me. Perhaps it's time to think about yourself and that you don't have to live in this turmoil.
Barbara,...please don't take him off the meds suddenly...or even at all without consulting with his doctor. They can be very helpful but also can be adjusted to be better without what's happening now. But, it can't be adjusted right without the doctor knowing. Is there any way to get another opinion from a different doctor too ?
I am praying for you here. God bless you both.
Lori
Storming heaven with prayers for you and Kevin. I so hope you find the answers you are seeking. I recognize that all to familiar feelings of despair. This will probably sound a little trite but it it is not meant to be... Sometimes in a couple of days, time brings a certain clarity and peace. I am hoping this happens for you both. These moments of high emotions can not last you will feel better soon. I mean this in a comforting way. I hope it is sounding like that.
Stevie is 19. He has major mood swings the counselors tell me is the result of the use and can take 18 months before that settles down. I was also told that until my son is through a recovery program and stays clean a year, they can not truly diagnose an underlying mental disorder. (Due to the effects of the drugs).... Maybe take him off his drugs. How long has he been clean? One rule of thumb is no relationships (sexual) until 1 year sobriety...... I know you do not think it is drugs.... better, you want to hope and believe it is not. But it probably is. Test him. He is not evil or mean. He is an addict. If you need me Barbara, I am here for you. Peace, love and forgiveness,
~Jan
P.S. I am not taking him off the drugs, we see his dr. tomorrow. I hope Keven will "allow" me to talk to the dr. HIPPA sucks when your child is still really a "child" but over 18.
This is tough. My daughter went through I don't know how many combinations of meds. She didn't like the way they made her feel. She gained weight, etc.... We never did find a combination that seemed to do much good. Eventually, she refused to take any and I didn't push the issue. I wish she would have stuck it out a bit longer, but ultimately, I'm powerless. Hugs.
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