I was very happy this morning (if you want to know why you can check my other blog, too hard to explain here).
Then when I got home Keven was having a hard day. He went to probation today as (he goes every Mon. and Thurs.) and they were all told that there would be no probation on Monday due to Memorial Day.
Because of this "everyone" was offering him drugs since suddenly they had an entire WEEK before the next drug test and "they" offered him whatever he wanted. One guy said he had a rig and heroin waiting at home.
Keven was tempted to the point that he was sick, literally. He told me how much he loved the high. He described it in detail.
I said "but is a 30 second high worth losing everything over?"
He said "yes, its that good." He reminded me that people who have 20 years or more sometimes relapse. He feels like he will never win this battle.
He's also upset that he has not been diagnosed and therefore has not been helped. He feels like he will never be normal nor be in control of his impulses, horrible thoughts and the feelings of paranoia.
He still feels that something "bad" is going to happen but he's not sure if he will be doing something or if it will be done to him.
It feels like things go forward one step and then backwards two. I feel helpless. I don't know what to do. Some doctor must be able to correctly diagnose him.
P.S. On a positive note: he is super close to getting his high school diploma.
Peace, Hope and Love, Barbara