Things are not going well.
I talked to the hospital and his doctor and the plan was in motion until he woke up and said he refuses to go. He begged me to wait until Monday and see if he was "better". That would be funny if it weren't so sad. So as of right now we will go to Dr. H at 2 pm as planned and take it from there. I don't want to call the cops to get him to the hospital...I don't think I can stand seeing that happen again. I've done it before and I will again if I have to. I feel sick and numb at the same time.
In the meantime his Probation Officer showed up here unexpectedly! She was here to check his meds. She didn't seem to notice that he had been high last night, and I didn't tell her. She'll test him Monday. If she would have brought a drug test he'd be on his way to jail right now. Jail is not the solution for him.
I guess today it's "one minute at a time". I don't know what to do with myself. I feel very helpless, afraid and confused.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hello dear blog family....I'm very tired. Up most of the night. Will spare you the details and give you the facts:
- he smoked heroin yesterday
- he said it was either that or suicide
- I said, then you need to be hospitalized
- he said "okay"
He didn't want to go right then, and I didn't push it, but of course my concern is that he will change his mind.
First we are going to his last psychiatrist appointment. He had planned to go alone, but I am not leaving his side for one second today. I will let him talk privately but I want to let Dr. H know our plans and hopefully he will agree. I am surprised he hasn't suggested it before.
My fear is, nothing will help him. This will be the pattern for his life. Six months of meds have not helped so far, and then he had to open the door to heroin again!!! So now he's fighting that demon and the ones that he sees. PLEASE LET THERE BE A COMPETENT DOCTOR EVALUATING HIM AND HELPING HIM!
I know its silly to worry about money at a time like this, but its a constant stress for me and there are still over $1,000 of bills from last time he went in. They are in his name but I signed the "responsible party" agreement so eventually all this will catch up to me. Thank God his dad has insurance for him because I don't even have any for myself. I will "let it go" and deal with it later.
Peace, Hope and Love, Barbara
9 comments:
As always you & Kevin are in my thoughts and prayers. I'm not versed in the bipolar arena, but for what it's worth, I think this is a good decision. (((HUGS))) to you both!!
Do you think Kevin's doctor will have any influence on him and the decision to go to the hospital? It just breaks my heart that you are having to go through this! Do you have family nearby for support or help?
Nothing helpful to say except I am sad about the hell you are living through.
I am so scared for you Barbara. Please God they both need your help. I will continue to pray.
I hope that he will get to the hospital sooner rather than later. Maybe jail wouldn't be so bad at this point. I don't think that there is anything that you can do to prevent his using Barbara. Sticking to him like glue isn't going to work. At some point, and hopefully, before you make yourself sicker, you will need to let him go and release the grip.
I agree with Syd. Maybe at this point you can set a boundary that he must go to the hospital to get the assistance he NEEDS for his mental health issues. I know it is hard, but something will have to give because your health won't take this stress much longer my friend. I am worried for you. God please watch over Barbara and Keven and help them. Amen.
Logged in only so I could tell you I am praying for you and K and that I wish I was there to give you a big hug!!!!!
You and K are at the forefront of my prayers. My prayer is as yours: "PLEASE LET THERE BE A COMPETENT DOCTOR EVALUATING HIM AND HELPING HIM!" And that God is with K on this journey, right by his side.
Love always to you :)
I just wanted to let you know that you and Kevin are on my heart and mind and I'm praying for you both. I hope the answers are just around the corner!
Kristi
You know...it takes time to get the right mix of meds for each person. Don't give up hope. Have faith hon. I have a friend who is bipolar with hallucinations, catatonic lapses, completely breaking from reality and it took a YEAR!!! It was a scary year but now she is great, functional, and recently happily remarried. It does happen Barb. The key was adding ritalin to her mix. Who would have thought.
Post a Comment