Thank you

I've come to the conclusion that this blog has evolved into something other than what it was originally intended to be.

It began as a place to connect with other parents, to reach out to parents who were "new" at dealing with addiction, and to encourage and be encouraged.

Over time it seems to have lost that focus and is more of a journal of events in the life of my son(s).

I believe that because we are all different and each have a unique relationship and circumstances with our children, that "one size" does not fit all.  What works for one family may be harmful to another.

My mistakes have been learning experiences.  I know more about heroin addiction than I want to know. I am taking this journey one step, one day at a time and will never lose hope for my son no matter how bleak things look.

I will still read your blogs and if you would like to keep up with me you can find me on Facebook or on my other blog "Writing From the Inside Out".

Peace, Hope and Love, Barbara

Thank you....

Peace, Hope and Love, Barbara

"Round Here" by Counting Crows, because sometimes it takes one to know one....

Step out the front door like a ghost into the fog
Where no one notices the contrast of white on white
And in between the moon and you, angels get a better view
Of the crumbling difference between wrong and right

Well, I walk in the air between the rain
Through myself and back again
Where? I don't know

Maria says she's dying
Through the door, I hear her crying
Why? I don't know

Round here we always stand up straight
Round here something radiates

Maria came from Nashville with a suitcase in her hand
She said she'd like to meet a boy who looks like Elvis
And she walks along the edge of where the ocean meets the land
Just like she's walking on a wire in the circus

She parks her car outside of my house and
Takes her clothes off, says she's close to understanding Jesus
And she knows she's more than just a little misunderstood
She has trouble acting normal when she's nervous

Round here we're carving out our names
Round here we all look the same
Round here we talk just like lions but we sacrifice like lambs
Round here she's slipping though my hands

Sleeping children better run like the wind
Out of the lightning dream
Mama's little baby better get herself in
Out of the lightning

She says, "It's only in my head"
She says, "Shh, I know it's only in my head"

But the girl on the car in the parking lot
Says, "Man, you should try to take a shot
Can't you see my walls are crumbling?"

Then she looks up at the building
And says she's thinking of jumping
She says she's tired of life
She must be tired of something

Round here she's always on my mind
Round here, hey man, got lots of time
Round here we're never sent to bed early and nobody makes us wait
Round here we stay up very, very, very, very late

I, I can't see nothing, nothing round here
You catch me if I'm falling, you catch me if I'm falling
Will you catch me? 'Cause I'm falling down on you

I said I'm under the gun round here
Oh man, I said I'm under the gun round here
Well I can't see nothing, nothing round here

Going to Visit Him in Jail Today

I was so angry when he got arrested the other night.  But after it sank in, I started to feel more worried than angry.  He seriously was doing better.  He was home by 10 pm for curfew every night except the night he got arrested...his excuse that night was a flat tire.  His excuse was real because I had to go find the car where he left it (in a safe no tow zone, which I appreciated) and have it towed.

Also, he had been going to his all day out patient every day and admitted to me that he LIKED it.

Lastly, he had not done drugs, but he had drank alcohol on several occasions and that's what got him.

I don't want him to get kicked out of Opportunity Court over this.  I don't want him to spend too  much time in jail over it either.  I want him to get back to the outpatient....

But its not what I want, its what Judge Lindley wants.  She is very fair and compassionate and wants him to succeed but how many chances does he get?

I've taken his calls and he sounds so tired, they have not given him his meds since he got there so that's three days of little sleep and no medication which is NOT RIGHT.   His PO took the meds when she arrested him so I know t hey have them.

So, right or wrong, good or bad, I don't care - I am going to visit my son today.  I miss him.

Peace, Hope and Love, Barbara

This is my blog home....

I have been very depressed lately (nothing to do with Keven) and haven't been blogging much but I miss it.  I miss my blog friends.  I miss a place to share my heart and thoughts.

So, I am going to write here.  It may not always be about my son anymore, because part of RECOVERY is me getting my life back and that's the stage of the journey I am on.

I have a lot to say and I think one of the reasons I've felt down lately is because I've kept so much bottled up inside.

Thanks for sticking with me.

Peace, Hope and Love, Barbara

HA!!! It Didn't Last Long!

Guess who's back in jail?  His PO and four cops showed up last night and hauled him off.  Don't worry, I am not upset, I am looking forward to the peace and quiet.  I hope they keep him for awhile this time.

Oh- the reason, a dirty test for alcohol.



Peace, Hope and Love, Barbara

Quick Update...

I stopped counting Keven's "clean days" months ago.  But I do know its been over a week and a half, he's attending out patient rehab, he's been in by curfew every night, he's hanging out with good safe friends AND he has been pleasant to be around.

Enjoying it while it lasts!


Peace, Hope and Love, Barbara