My computer is messed up so this will be short:
Keven's PO has informed him he needs to show up in the morning to be arrested (the warrant is STILL not in the system) and then Tuesday he will go to court to be terminated from the program.
We don't know how much time he will serve. I kind of hope at least 6 months but it would be nice if he could be home for the Holidays for once.
The journey continues......
Thanks again for all the encouragement, prayers and support. I literally would not be getting through this if I was alone.
UPDATE: DAMN IT! His attorney just told him she can't get him county time, he will get prison time instead of jail time. Prison is FULL OF HEROIN. Please pray that the judge will see how this is not a good idea for him. Anthony used the whole time he was in....he could come out worse than he is now.
Peace, Hope and Love, Barbara
P.S. Shocking news! Anthony disappeared from his detox the other night and no one knows where he is. Keven and I agreed he can't be in our lives. I've made that decision before, but this time its not even a question of "should I?", I already did. I will be available to him by phone to listen but that's as far as I can go.
22 comments:
I know you love Anthony, but at this point I think even being available by phone is more than he deserves.
Barbara, anywhere and everywhere is full of heroin. You cannot stop Kevin from doing heroin, and no one is forced to use in prison, or anywhere else.
Andrew did not do heroin in prison. I don't know why. When he came out, he had a good long stretch of clean. Prison was a good thing for him because, Barbara, he does NOT want to go back. It's been a powerful deterrent.
This up and down drama must surely be taking it's toll. I feel so bad for you, and hope you can find comfort and peace.
There seems little benefit for you or Keven to have Anthony in your life at all. Lou makes a lot of sense. I have no knowledge of prison. I just hope that Keven goes and learns that the drug life is a dead end.
Karen and Syd, I know...you are both right. This will sound harsh, but I don't think he'll be around much longer if he keeps doing what he's doing. He's homeless, using daily and probably has a warrant out again.
Lou, every time I hear or think of "prison" I immediately think of Andrew and of HerBigSad's daughter - both of them have come out not using.
I will handle this, I just feel sick today. This may sound silly, but I also worry about him getting an MRSA staph infection in there because he is very susceptible to it whenever he cuts himself shaving and I can't imagine prison is as clean as home or rehab :(
Not the news you wanted. I am so sorry! Hopefully your son will make the right choices no matter where he ends up.
Terri
oh Barbara...I'm sorry..so sorry. :( I know that Keven is too. God bless you both. I hope that Keven follows that path that Andrew has. That's what I'll continue to pray for.
Our stories are like looking in a mirror.
I am praying for you Barbara!!! Heroin is death......
Still reading, still praying, still thinking of you.
Shit that is the same thing that I worry about with Prison. Not everyone comes out better. What would his sentence be? For how long I mean? It is so hard to tell but maybe it is a place he will never want to be in again and that will keep him from using. It seems like he is really trying.
We both have our "adopted sons" and believe me I understand how you feel. He lived with us, we feed him, gave him money, bought his clothes and on and on. But at some point Anthony needs to be cut off. He is harming you and most importantly Keven. Clearly those two should not be around each other. Doesn't matter who is starting it. Anthony needs more help than you can give him. Maybe it is time to tell him you will be there for him when he is in rehab. I know that sounds mean but you are going through enough.
Thanks Teri, Lori, Jan and Mrs. F. I'm praying for us and all of you. Its like an ongoing mantra in my head these days: "PLEASE help these families and their loved addicts! Keep them strong, keep them safe, help them each do what they have to do to be healthy and whole."
As for you Miss Tori, Yep. I have said "I'm done with Anthony" so many times. If I said "this time I mean it" I'd sound just like Keven...ha ha ha.
BUT - I am done because obviously he is hellbent on destroying his life and I no longer want to participate. I will support him by staying in touch with his Grandparents and giving them someone to talk to about all this (they don't like to talk to their friends about him).
Love and prayers and positive thoughts!
Shelley in SK
Thank you, Shelley! Its nice to know who "Anon" is :)
Anthony lost any remaining sympathy from me when he handed your son the heroin that is landing your son in prison due to the final chance being blown. Fine, your son could have said no. But how many addicts have that strength? They were both wrong, but that just proves they both need to stay apart. It sounds like A is seeking it out, but unless K sought out A for the purpose to get high, then it sounds like he may actually be trying to get clean and just slipped up.
I do agree with you staying in contact with A's grandparents though. They do actually need you.
Barbara, my best advice is to stick to a boundary....no contact with Anthony might just be the best gift you give him, your son and yourself. And as we all know mentally, it's all out of our control. Let go of it all....give your son to God and trust by walking away from the daily ups and downs and find a way to live. God is capable of so much more than you or me or a young boy fighting for his life. I will continue my prayers for you and your family and Anthony....that is our best weapon.
That is a huge problem for me...I tell B I am done and blah, blah and then I jump back in. He is coming back today or tomorrow and I know the peace will be over.
I just look at A like our adopted son L. He was doing really well for a long time and broke contact with B because of H. Now he is doing it again. I heard he is trying to stop and his FB posts talk about being sick. It just sucks this whole thing. B and L each will encourage the other to be sober and then one will relapse and the other one soon follows. It is a vicious cycle.
Thank you, Karen. I know you are right. I think I can do it this time. No - I KNOW I can.
Tori, thanks as always :)
Hattie, thanks, I need that reminder often throughout every day: I am not in control. The Serenity Prayer sure comes in handy at times like this.
I'm so, so sorry.
This will sound silly but is meant to be comforting. my daughter CHOSE prison and for many good (in her mind) reasons. She could have taken county time and three years probation. However, she got a staph infection in OC Jail, and heroin was readily available from the officers coming in to the work location she was assigned, during off hours. She chose prison, they cut the time in half by law, her county days were applied to the remainder and she ended up doing 8 months out of 16. It was cleaner, nicer, quieter, more organized, the food was better, and the running track time she logged kept her in good shape and helped her mentally. She was started on meds and adjusted several times before being released and her psych meds are paid for by parole for the time she is on parole. Parole was one year for her, instead of three (probation). Prison is harder in many ways, but it is better in others. There is a very hard period of time (at least 30-60 days) in the "A" yard where you have no contact by phone, but they are given envelopes/paper and can write out. Mail from outside meets them when they get "over the wall" and assigned to their area for the rest of their stay. I can see why my daughter chose this option. She is now eight months into her parole and eagerly anticipating the conclusion. She sees her parole officer once a month, and psych once a month. Way easier than most of the probation officers she has dealt with. Positives and negatives.... as with anything.
I hope all is going relatively smoothly for you today. My prayers continue and I will try to email you later, Barbara! Hang tough.... know that we care! Big Hugs!!
Continuing to pray for you and Keven. Every day.
I am so sorry about Keven's relapse, and I'm even sorrier about him getting kicked out of the drug court program. I'm keeping the two of you in my thoughts and I hope that everything improves for both of you.
Barbara,
Feeling very bad for you... so sorry. You know your son can get through this, if he really wants to. It's up to him, and you need to cut all ties with Anthony, as sad as it makes me to say that, show your son that this is what you both need to do.
Hello friend,
I love you and am praying for you all.
Donna
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