Good, Its about time!

Just the other day I asked a cop why on earth every drug user knew where to go in Santa Ana to buy drugs but the dealers never seemed to get busted.  He told me they didn't waste their time on the dealers because the second one was put in jail, he/she would be replaced.  He said they were working at getting the big guys - the guys that worked with the Mexican Mafia that ran the whole operation.

So I was quite surprised to see this in my local paper.  It took them TWO YEARS of undercover operations to catch all these guys, but they got 100 of them.

Will it make a difference to the buyers of the drugs?  I don't know, but one can only hope.  Somehow I doubt it.

Here is the article if interested:  100 Arrested in gang, Mexican Mafia crackdown.
"The multiple arrests, which officials said included “soldiers” and the top echelon of the criminal organization, will deal a “staggering and comprehensive blow,” U.S. attorney representative said."


Peace, Hope and Love, Barbara

Continuing Saga of the Latest Arrest

He had court today.  I didn't go and haven't spoken to him.  We still have our wonderful attorney but after this case, if he picks up a new one, we are done dishing out money.

So our attorney called and gave me the lowdown.  The Judge was not as mad as she thought she would be, that's good.  She didn't want to make any decisions so she held him over till next week.  They like Keven, they care about him and they don't want to punish him - they want to do what's best.  BUT, there comes a point where you've done all you can.  In my opinion he ran out of chances a few "last chances" ago but I am glad they are the experts and know what they're doing.  I trust them.

Keven may have lied about something and so now the test is:  will he tell the total truth.  If he lies he's done.

When he was a young child all the way up to drugs, he was always honest.  I taught him from an early age that no matter what the circumstances were, the truth was always the right choice and lying usually made matters much worse.  I also told him if he told me the truth (like if he did something wrong) that I may be mad, but I would still be able to trust him.

Since it was just him and me, we were always super close.  He HATED for me to be disappointed in him more than anything.  It would devastate his little boy heart.

That was long ago.  Now there's an addict living in my son, and the addict will cheat, lie, steal or manipulate to protect himself and to achieve his goal:  to keep using.

It hard to believe this charming little sweetie pie is sitting in jail with three years (so far) of his life wasted on drugs.  It hurts.

my little man :)

OH!  I just remembered.  Anthony's grandmother called me to say that Ant had called her to "say goodbye".  He was totally strung out and threatening suicide.  We talked about how this was typical behavior for him and that it was probably not a real threat.  I haven't heard anything today.  The eerie thing is I had just told Keven Monday on the way to jail that I had a feeling we'd be attending Ant's funeral soon....

Peace, Hope and Love, Barbara

 

International Overdose Awareness Day:

Vigil - August 31, 2011

A New PATH (Parents for Addiction Treatment & Healing)

invites you to join us at a vigil on Aug. 31, 2011

as we remember & honor individuals who have lost their lives to overdose, and to the failed war on drugs.

When: August 31, 2011 7pm

Where: St. Paul’s Cathedral Courtyard

                     2728 6^th Ave. San Diego, CA 92103

Why: Accidental fatal overdose is the leading cause of injury-related death in the US, and the leading cause of death among people who use drugs around the world.

We encourage sensible solutions such as increased access to overdose reversal medication naloxone & implementing Good Samaritan 911 policies.

Be a part of Moms United to End the War on Drugs National Campaign! Mothers and others are leading the charge to stop the violence, mass incarceration and overdose deaths that are the result of current punitive and discriminatory drug policies. We advocate for therapeutic drug policies that reduce the harms of drugs and current drug laws.

Join us at www.momsunited.net or www.anewpathsite.org.

For info: 619-670-1184

The "One Last Chance" That Really Was

My computer is messed up so this will be short:

Keven's PO has informed him he needs to show up in the morning to be arrested (the warrant is STILL not in the system) and then Tuesday he will go to court to be terminated from the program.

We don't know how much time he will serve.  I kind of hope at least 6 months but it would be nice if he could be home for the Holidays for once.

The journey continues......

Thanks again for all the encouragement, prayers and support.  I literally would not be getting through this if I was alone.

UPDATE:  DAMN IT!  His attorney just told him she can't get him county time, he will get prison time instead of jail time.  Prison is FULL OF HEROIN.  Please pray that the judge will see how this is not a good idea for him.  Anthony used the whole time he was in....he could come out worse than he is now.

Peace, Hope and Love, Barbara

P.S.  Shocking news!  Anthony disappeared from his detox the other night and no one knows where he is.  Keven and I agreed he can't be in our lives.  I've made that decision before, but this time its not even a question of "should I?", I already did.  I will be available to him by phone to listen but that's as far as I can go.

Here's The Latest...

Ok.  Last night he called right after I posted the last update.  He was at jail and they would NOT take him because his warrant was not in the system yet.  So he asked me to pick him up and drive him to a detox because that was the only alternative he had.  His PO wanted him in jail OR in a detox.

I agreed to pick him up because I always support him in trying to do the right thing.

I left the house at 12:30 am and got back at 3:45 am.  We drove to three detoxes and two had no beds, the third wanted to charge us $800 a night for a minumum of 6 nights. So then we went to a hospital that had a detox and after doing the initial paperwork they said to come back in ten hours because there was no one there to do insurance stuff.

At this point I was literally feeling sick so we came home and went to bed.  He is not suppose to be there but he has proof of how hard he tried to do the right thing.

I slept for 5 hours and now we have to go back to the hospital to check him in.  Unless he decides to try jail again, but I doubt he will choose that.

I am disappointed that we could not get him help last night :(

Peace, Hope and Love, Barbara

He's still out there somewhere...

7:30 am this morning - he promises me he will turn himself in soon.
Twenty texts and or calls later he is still promising
11:50 pm - he still hasn't done it.

I think its very obvious what he's doing.  My main concern is that he's had this SHIT out of his system for six months and now he's putting himself in jeopardy of an overdose, of getting dope sick and of getting right back into a daily habit.

I can't tell if I am more angry or scared.  I am going to take an extra sleeping pill and crash for the night.  I hope I have good news in the morning.

THANKS AGAIN TO THE INCREDIBLE CARING COMMENTS YOU HAVE LEFT.  It brings me to tears when I realize how fortunate I am to have come into this blog community back in the summer of '09.

Peace, Hope and LOTS OF Love, Barbara

Update on "He Used"

Thanks for the warm and caring response to my last post.  When I say "I don't know what I'd do without the support of this community of bloggers" I mean it LITERALLY.  I think I'd probably be in a fetal position under all my blankets hiding from life.  Its not just the encouraging words, its also the years of combined experience that help me more than I can say.  So thanks again for being here for me.  I really don't have many friends and none that I can discuss this topic with, you just can't get it unless you've lived it.

Ok, so here's the latest.  His PO is awesome.  I love having a team of people that actually know and care about my son and have the ability to throw his ass in jail.  PO went to his girlfriends house, tested her (she was clean, she has not been with him since the weekend) and went through her phone.  She got the numbers Keven's been using and is going to call him (she just called and told me this).  She is telling him if he does not turn himself in within an hour he's going to regret it big time.  She is giving him this opportunity to show her that he is more interested in recovery than in getting high.  So if he passes that test and turns himself in, I can be a peace (for the moment).  If not - who knows.  Gina also told me that they "lost" another guy just last week, he was 29 and was a husband with a 9 month old baby at home.  OD'd.  Dead.  She said she told Keven that story just yesterday but stories don't seem to help.

Did Blogger change their format for posting?  It looks much different.

Thanks again, I'll let you know when I get the familiar call "This is Global Tel Link, you are receiving a call from an inmate at Santa Ana Central Jail complex, __________, (insert Keven's voice saying his name).  You have $20.00 credit on your account, press pound to accept this call....etc."  That damn recording is so familiar to me, but its also comforting at times.

Peace, Hope and Love, Barbara