How "Normies" Live

Have you ever heard your addicted loved one refer to non-addicts as a "normie", implying that everyone in the world is normal but they are set apart because of their drug use.

I've heard it used a lot over the last few years and I think its actually a valid choice of words to describe life without drugs.

I thought of this because in the last few weeks there have been some huge events that Keven would have loved to attend, back in the normie days.  There was the X Games, several concerts and this week The US Open.  Oh well.

MY FAVORITE SPORT TO WATCH!  At one point in this video Kelly Slater decides to spontaneously catch a few, watch how the crowd surrounds him when he gets out.  Gotta Love Kelly!!!!!  (I realize this video is too wide for the page but I don't care :)

Anyhow back to Keven, Instead of enjoying these type of events, hanging with good friends, working, etc., he's back to being manipulative, angry and acting like a full blown addict. Something I have not seen in him for a long time.  He's trying every way possible to "escape" his reality and leave the rehab that he so desperately wanted to return to.

Sometimes I wish I had more than one child so I could experience a "normie" too.

Peace, Hope and Love, Barbara

I have a new guest post up Pat Moore Foundation.  If you read it, could you please leave comments on their site. Thank you.

Nothing much else to say.  I'm working on not worrying and finding my own life again.

A Parent Is Asking for Help ---

Someone in my area contacted me today seeking some answers to a legal issue, and also wondering if anyone has ever used an employer based legal plan.  Please leave a comment.

What I don't understand in this situation is why her son was every considered an unsafe driver!!!!  (this young man seems to be doing well and has a good driving record, car insurance and no felonies!  So this seems really bizarre.  Please leave comments if you have any insight to help her out.

Here is the situation:

"My son has recently been notified that his drivers license has been suspended. He has requested an administrative hearing to try to appeal and it is scheduled on 8/22/11.

He was not arrested. He was living in his car back in Feb and every few days he was being searched by the police. They submitted a notice to the DMV about him potentially being an unsafe driver. He appeared for a reexamination and they interviewed him about 6 weeks ago. He admitted to his past Heroin use but has been clean for about 90 days.

I am looking for some legal advice for him. I have a legal plan at my work that I have access to. I am wondering if anyone knows first hand about their process.

I know that the ruling will be final from this hearing. The suspension order just says that his license may be reinstated after a significant period of sobriety. I would like to know what that means in length of time and any other advice anyone can give us.

My son has a good drivng record, is insured, does not have a felony and is doing very well right now.

Thank you."

P.S. I have a question of my own, does anyone know what a "health and safety code violation warrant" could be about?  Anthony has one of those in addiction to his warrants and his new charges (evading an officer and resisting arrest).
Never mind - I found out this is possession for intent to sell

Finally....

Just got a call from Anthony's gf, he was arrested this morning.
He's been running from his warrants for awhile, I knew they'd catch up to him.
I'm relieved, but have to say, also sad.  Sad for his life, sad for his grandmother.
Now both her grandson's are in jail together.

Peace, Hope and Love, Barbara

I posted something up here yesterday afternoon but took it down.  It was just more of the saga of Keven's depression and circumstances, blah, blah, blah.  So many others are going through much more serious stuff right now...I mean really, my post seemed petty and I felt embarrassed to be complaining.

Mostly I am just sick and tired of all of it.  Its like, we're suppose to be detaching with love, but how do you stop yourself from worrying and hurting?  Is that part of it?  Just turning off the worry?  Its not that simple.

I suffer from pretty serious depression myself.  I take meds and they help but I still get very down quite often.  I have been fighting a major episode all summer but keep pushing through, numbing myself and sleeping a lot to avoid thinking or feeling (sometimes my dreams are worse than reality so that's not good).

But really my thoughts for today are what the fortune cookie says above.  Many of us  inhabiting this planet is dealing with something.  Kindness really goes a long way. I don't want to be the person complaining more than encouraging, but sometimes that's all I have in me.  It sucks to live like this, doesn't it?  I want to get to the point where I can live without stressful thoughts of Keven in the background of of my mind all day.


Peace, Hope and Love, Barbara

Once again I have chest pains and tears

I am sick of this shit!

I know that's not a nice thing to say but that's how I feel.  I was just getting to the point where I felt like I had my life back and then Keven calls severely depressed and anxious and tells me he is not allowed out of "United" for 90 days even for a home pass or a dr. visit with me with him every second.  (His po's idea, not the rehabs).  He was so down and I could hear that old defeated keven that used to have major panic attacks and delusions and all that stuff.  So I called his psych who is calling him up there.  It sucks.  I guess I am mad at his PO for being so harsh, but that's her job, right?

Why am I so upset over this?  Much, much worse has happened.  Maybe I'm just more frail than strong today.  I just burst out crying when I was talking to his psych (he's mine too) and although he can't discuss Keven's case with me he did bring up his girlfriend (she sees him too!) and I can tell he has serious concerns about her.  She is 31 years old, Keven is 20!  Maybe that's the underlying cause of this feeling...

Yeah, we're not suppose to let all this get to us, but it DOES.  It gets to me.  I can't help it.  I just want it all to end.  Then I read VJ's blog, and Dee's and Tori's and my heart breaks.  There are parents out there with much bigger concerns than me being upset cause my poor little baby is anxious and depressed and in an unhealthy relationship, but he's MY baby.

That reminds me, I can't remember where but recently I read something where the author was saying how ignorant and wrong it was for parents to refer as their grown addicted children as their "babies".  All mothers (that I know) still think of their children as their babies because they once were their babies.  That doesn't mean we think of them AS BABIES, just as the person we gave birth to, the person that is part of us that developed inside of us that owns a piece of our heart.  So yeah, I call him my baby even though he's 20, 6'1 and not a baby.

Peace, Hope and Love, Barbara

More Germs to Deal With

Addiction is like an infection that spreads from the addict to everyone they have close contact with. 

I've decided that every time I experience this phenomenon I will use this phrase.  Lets hope you don't see it on here to often.  

Yesterday at 4 I got a text from Anthony.  

But, the text was not about him, it was about his brother, "T" being arrested and taken to jail.  The only reason this matters to me AT ALL is because I have become close to Ant's grandmother.  I still am not sure why Ant wanted me to know, I know he was looking for some comfort and reassurance that it was not his fault...but it probably was so I didn't go there.

I was, however, grateful that I knew in advance because I was able to look online for all the details of when and where T was arrested and where he was in the booking process, etc. So when the grandmother called me at 8 am I was prepared, I already knew, I was able to calm her a bit and give her some info.  She asked me to do a favor related to getting his car out of impound which I did.  T was never an addict but he got busted selling and since it was his first offense, he did his time and got out pretty quickly and has been on the straight and narrow ever since but on probation.  He has been warned again and again to stay away from his brother because it would likely land him in jail.  And, it did.  I don't know the exact circumstances and it doesn't matter.  

What does matter to me is the grandmother.  This woman deserves some kind of a medal or an honor for enduring this crap for almost 40 years (38 to be exact).  She lost her daughter to it and has been living with Anthony's addiction since then (daughter was 34 at time of death, Ant was 14).  So its been non-stop for her.  She's a good person and goes to Al-Anon and understands addiction, but this is TOO MUCH for her.  She lives in fear that Ant will die and T will be devastated because they are so close, and pretty much all each other has besides their grandparents (who are both older and not in great health).

So I didn't mind being in on this, but it goes to show, once again, that one addict can affect the lives of everyone around him.  Now his brother is in jail .... that really makes me sad.

Peace, Hope and Love, Barbara