I had a second job interview at the law firm. The job is low pay but I've come to the conclusion that most jobs these days are because employers can get away with it (at least here in CA). I sensed that one of the attorney's wants to hire me - she made it obvious she liked me a lot. But she doesn't make the final decision. There were several others called in for a second interview as well. So, I will wait and see.
Keven: He's doing good. Had a slightly bad day in court, but it turned out okay (nothing to do with drugs - he got a traffic violation). I hope he's feeling as good as he looks. The spark is back in his eye and he's been smiling.
Anthony: Out of jail, on parole AND probation (didn't know you could be on both at once). As far as I know he's staying out of trouble but I am keeping him at arm's length.
"Kelly" (I've accidentally used her real name here several times, hopefully that's not confusing. She is Ant's ex-girlfriend). She is the one I am currently worried about. We are very close, she was friends with Keven long before she was Ant's gf. Typically we talk every day or two. I have not spoke with her since SATURDAY and she's only returned one of my texts to say "I will call you later, I'm okay" but she never called. She's got to be out there using.
Once again my anger at Anthony is almost overwhelming. Yes, it was their choice (kev and kel) to use again but if he was not back they would not have had it shoved in their faces and both of them would be doing so much better, especially Kel who had to deal with him breaking up with her on top of him getting to use again after 8 frigging months. GRRRRRR!!!!
IF YOU ARE IN RECOVERY STAY AWAY FROM ANYONE AND EVERYONE THAT USES OR THAT YOU EVER USED WITH....NO EXCEPTIONS!
Peace, Hope and Love, Barbara
6 comments:
I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you with this job. I REALLY hope you get it.
The thing is, once you have a job, it will be so much easier to get another one. It is the hardest to find one when you don't have one. Keeping my fingers crossed.
And so many other triggers can be out there, too. Even with five years clean...sometimes I may see something on a movie, or a show, or even just a picture on the internet, and I think for a split second about that pleasure of a shot. I will breathe out long and slow...and just for a second I think about all the nice parts about heroin. Thankfully, those thoughts are just fleeting moments, and my memory is rushed with waves of all the sickness and insanity...or my beautiful baby boy will sigh in his sleep...and those pleasurable, craving thoughts dissipate. And at first, it is bad enough to encounter some of these unavoidable triggers...I cannot imagine what it would be like to still have it in your face. Even seeing someone who is high is torture. It is best to change people, places, and things. It is sad giving up some of the people you really love. But, five years later...I look where some of them are, and I am glad I do not associate with them. The rest of those I had to distance from are now clean, and we are all friends again, if only keeping in touch through facebook. And it seems now we are much closer in spirit and soul than ever before.
Good luck with the job Barbara. I know how you feel...I was so upset when B relapsed but as my Husband was quick to point out, he was where he knew he shouldn't be and with people he knew he shouldn't be with.
I really wonder if he can get clean as long as he is living here.
When I was using it was my friends and their friendships that kept me afloat. The treacherous waters that we would frequent were as safe as I could be and without that I would have surely gone under. Maybe some of these people Keven hangs out with are good and maybe some of them not so good. Maybe some are true friends and some of them not. But they seem to be serving a purpose for him. Maybe they are keeping him afloat. Maybe they are that which he connects to. It's hard to watch someone not do as you would want them to do.
Thanks for the update Barbara. I am pulling for you - that law firm would be blessed to have you!
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