So our attorney called and gave me the lowdown. The Judge was not as mad as she thought she would be, that's good. She didn't want to make any decisions so she held him over till next week. They like Keven, they care about him and they don't want to punish him - they want to do what's best. BUT, there comes a point where you've done all you can. In my opinion he ran out of chances a few "last chances" ago but I am glad they are the experts and know what they're doing. I trust them.
Keven may have lied about something and so now the test is: will he tell the total truth. If he lies he's done.
When he was a young child all the way up to drugs, he was always honest. I taught him from an early age that no matter what the circumstances were, the truth was always the right choice and lying usually made matters much worse. I also told him if he told me the truth (like if he did something wrong) that I may be mad, but I would still be able to trust him.
Since it was just him and me, we were always super close. He HATED for me to be disappointed in him more than anything. It would devastate his little boy heart.
That was long ago. Now there's an addict living in my son, and the addict will cheat, lie, steal or manipulate to protect himself and to achieve his goal: to keep using.
It hard to believe this charming little sweetie pie is sitting in jail with three years (so far) of his life wasted on drugs. It hurts.
my little man :)
OH! I just remembered. Anthony's grandmother called me to say that Ant had called her to "say goodbye". He was totally strung out and threatening suicide. We talked about how this was typical behavior for him and that it was probably not a real threat. I haven't heard anything today. The eerie thing is I had just told Keven Monday on the way to jail that I had a feeling we'd be attending Ant's funeral soon....
Peace, Hope and Love,
Barbara
13 comments:
Sadly, I think you will be attending Ant's funeral soon. And it will do one of 2 things for/to Keven. It will push him to use as a way of coping. Or it will be the final push to quit once and for all. All we can do is pray/hope/dream/trust.
B's therapist told me a couple of years ago these haunting words, "There are times and addict would rather die than live without drugs."
Then a couple of months ago, B told me on the way home from an addiction Dr that he simply did not want to keep living like this, strung out, days detoxying, strung out again, and he said these words, "Mom, if I die from an OD, I need you to know that I love you, I know you have done everything for me, but I simply will not continue this life. If I get to the point where I feel that this is my life I will purposely OD."
As you know, B and I have a relationship like you and Keven. You will see that I started putting back his younger picutres on FB after bringing all of them down. It is so hard for me to even remember that sweet little boy. Although he was an ass during his teenage years when it stopped from his weekend partying to every day a couple of years ago everything go worse. Same thing that happens to almost every addict. I often don't think he even realizes he is lying it is like something that just comes out and he believes now. He was telling everyone he was in jail for one month it wasn't until I showed him it was 3 days in writing and even then he was truly confused. He couldn't believe it. I wonder at times how much his drug use has affected him and if even without drugs he will have severe problems.
I envy Keven's PO, ATTY and Judge. The fact that they truly are trying to figure out what is best for him amazes me and is completely foreign to LA County.
You are in prayers sweet Barbara and so is Keven and Anthony.
He's such a beautiful boy, and now such a beautiful man.
My heart breaks for him, for Anthony, and for you ((*))
I'm here Barbara....reading and praying for you both. I love that picture so much....I have a similar one,...I'm going to show it to you,...D in a tux...one of my most favorite pics. I am so glad that the judge really wants to do what's best for Keven.
I've been reading your blog for awhile, I have a 23 yo son, addicted to opiates. I'm sorry for what you are going through. I know how you feel. Blessings.
Hang in there, Barbara. Thinking of you.
Keep us posted. You and Keven are in our hearts and prayers.
In my experience, most who threaten to OD don't. Most OD's are accidental or if on purpose are early in the addiction before tolerance has built up. Yes, they are desperately tired of their dead end life on that crappy road, but are so stuck in the addiction- even heroin has a hold over their death. Sad! Barbara, what I have figured out is there is no one last chance, one last ditch effort that will save our sons. OUR SONS have to save our sons. I am praying deeply for all of you. There is always hope. And again, I am amazed at the parallel lives we lead! Hugs!
Best of luck to Keven as the legal system works with him. It sounds as if he just has to do his part and they will do theirs. Take care.
Boy, I can totally relate to the lying and manipulating. I don't know how long it will be before I trust my son again. At this point, I pretty much think that everything he tells me is a lie. That's a heartbreaking feeling. Sometimes I think about it and just start crying. It's almost worse than the actual drug use. Hang in there, Barbara. Prayers and virtual hugs coming your way.
That's perhaps one of the hardest things about this...the constant lying.
Thank you everyone. I like to respond to each comment individually but don't have the energy today.
I'll just point out one comment that was succinct and hit the nail on the head:
Syd said:
"Best of luck to Keven as the legal system works with him. It sounds as if he just has to do his part and they will do theirs. Take care."
THIS IS THE ISSUE! HE HAS TO DO HIS PART. This is exactly what I said to him in a letter I will be sending today. I may even share parts of it here since its typed and I can cut and paste it.
HE NEEDS TO DO HIS PART.
http://canyouacceptthetruth.blogspot.com/
I found the above post today very enlightening. Thinking of you. Take care.
Shelley in SK
Post a Comment