I went to see both my guys today, I don't always do two in one day, it pretty much takes up your whole day.
I visited with Anthony first. He was all smiles, full of energy, excited to be getting out in 2 weeks as the "new Anthony". He asked me to pick him up and drive his straight to the sober living, he doesn't want his gf or friends or even his brother picking him up. I think that's a wise choice. Our visit flew by and I left feeling happy and hopeful.
Then I went to see Keven. I love him so much. There he was looking very anxious but trying to be cheerful. The visit dragged on forever, we struggled to find things to talk about. We talked mostly about his court date Tuesday and how nervous he is. We both want to believe the best scenario will happen - but you never know.
AND WHEN I WAS THERE - THAT MASS MURDERER GUY WALKED RIGHT BY ME WITH TWO GUARDS (on the other side of glass, of course). It seemed that they were taking him for a walk or something. It creeped me out. Keven says he just stands at his cell door all days and stares at all the other inmates.
So....today I felt so grateful for Anthony. He's been writing Keven some great letters, he's been so on fire for recovery....I know I need to keep my expectations in check, and I know this sounds naive - but I think he might make it this time.
Yep, that did sound naive! If I had a dollar for every time I said that I could go buy a new pair of shoes :)
Peace, Hope and Love,
Barbara
7 comments:
You are allowed hope, as long as you keep it in check and don't put money on it. But hope is important. You having hope gives the boys hope. And hope can lead to recovery. Losing hope leads to death. We all know you well enough to know you have your hope in check, but do please keep on hoping!
But you do never know....
and as Ron has said before, "everyday thousands (millions, hundreds?) of addicts find recovery and get well." The odds are that at least some of our kids here in bloggerland will find their way.....it could be your boys, one or both. You just never know.
Where there is a will, there is a way. Prayers for all our children.
I'm hopeful too....and know that you've been through more than enough with Anthony to not be naive about it all. Glad to hear this.
and of course, I'll be thinking of you on Tuesday, and hoping and praying for the best outcome possible for Keven.
Bless your indomitable spirit, Barbara.
I don't think it's naive to hold out hope.
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