Another day of saying no, hanging up on him, turning off the phone and turning my back instead of opening my arms. Its so unnatural for a mother to do these things...but I've spent the last four years following my maternal instincts - and look where its gotten me. This is so hard. I'm not doing it because its what I'm suppose to, but because its what I have to do for me and for him. I just hope he's okay. I know he's getting high. He better be careful.
Peace, Hope and Love, Barbara
11 comments:
Did I miss a post...I thoght he was doing well in a recovery house...I am so sorry :-(
I think that if nothing changes, nothing changes. And the phone seems to be his connection to bringing you into the drama. If he pays the bill, good for him. If you pay the bill, time for a rethink.
Syd is right, the phone also enables him to score drugs. If he does it on his nickle, fine, but not if you are footing the bill.
You're doing the right thing Barbara. I know it's damn hard.....Hang in there, Thinking of you.
It's hard to do what you are doing, but as you said the other way did not help. I am doing this with my son also and I guess I am doing it hoping it WILL make him see the light! I fight with myself not to go looking for him on the streets..I use to do that too and it never worked out. He called Friday telling me he has the chills, fell down stairs, hurt himself and has lost all id again. What should he do? I did tell him to walk right back to the rehab he just left last week after 1 day because they will take him back, but he doesn't want rehab. He tried homeless shelter but can't go in becasue of warrant out for failing to appear in court for a loitering charge, he is a few counties away so they won't come get him. Tried to tell him to turn himself in, then I think at least he'd be off street. He won't yet. Maybe my son and your son's other options are finally closing in on them. Maybe when the last door availabe to them is rehab they will finally surrender. Praying for all in the grips of addiction.
We can do this Barbara, this is loving our sons.
After years of picking up the pieces and trying to fix every problem for my son I have realized that I don't have the right to do that for him. In doing that I am taking something away from him. The right to make his own choices and the right to decide what his own answers should be.
I haven't reactivated his phone since he left rehab. He is allowed to use my phone to talk to his baby's mother and to a couple of friends. I check the numbers that he calls and read all the text messages.
What you are doing is the hardest thing for a mother to do. You are not turning your back on him, you are simply not enabling to continue to abuse you. You are more than willing to open your arms to him again when he decides to get sober. Remember that you can't want him sober more than he wants it.
Hang in there lady! You are doing the right thing.
I know honey- I'm feeling exactly like you are, and its so fucking hard!!
I'm so sorry, Barbara.
I have no words of wisdom, but I do want to say that I can see with each cycle you go through with Keven - that you ARE becoming stronger. Good for you.
Ugh, letting the phone go is one tie I have never been able to let go of. For me I have told myself it's a safety issue. A young woman out in the world alone... That's just me. Anyway... It is so hard, but you are doing the right thing. I read of a mom whose only answer to phone calls was "are you ready to commit to getting help yet?" if the answer was no, f-you, or silence.....she hung up. Tough stuff. Love you Barbara. Hang in there mama.
Every one of us needs a place of solace and rest. That place should be our home. You have a right to peace in your own home. You have been very strong this time keeping hime out of your house.
I do not pay for my daughter's phone but her Dad does. I quit paying years ago because she lost one after the other. Soooo, she went about 6 months without a phone. She still used drugs and she still managed to call me. It was just much harder for me to call her and I did feel guilty about the girl alone in the world without a phone issue.
I am so sorry for your sadness Barbara but I am so glad that it is not driving your behavior. Hang in there!
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