- What makes a good substance abuse counselor?
- What qualities should they have?
- What experiences with counselors have you had?
- What types of counselors work? Which don't?
My answers:
1. First and foremost someone who accurately understands what addiction is all about. I think this is why most of the counselors we've come across are former addicts. I don't think you absolutely have to be in recovery to make a good counselor, but at a minimum be someone who's been affected by it first hand.
2. Confidence in what they are doing, able to speak honestly and firmly, intuitive (not being fooled by the cunning addict!), compassion, understanding, trustworthiness, and someone addicts can relate to (as opposed to someone who seems uptight and/or inexperienced about addiction and all that is involved in the recovery process).
3. As the parent of an addict I have met several counselors that were assigned to my son at various rehabs. The one that comes to mind was a woman named Catherine. She was about 30, a former addict, she was intelligent, fun, and knew her stuff. She had the ability to "read" the addicts she worked with. What I liked most was that she brought up the tough topics that often people prefer to avoid. She was firm and persistent but also compassionate. Everyone loved her, they would joke and tease with her but also had a high level of respect for her and knew you could not fool her or get away with anything if she was your counselor.
4. I think my answers above explain which types work. The type that don't work are the know-it all type that come off as arrogant, those that are in it for any reason other than a passion for recovery and helping others in their journey, and those that are hard for an addict to relate to (this has nothing to do with age, gender, etc., its more about approachability and respect. If a counselor is not aware of what life is like for an addict, or if they are clueless about current trends young people are into, they may not be taken as seriously.
Peace, Hope and Love, Barbara
6 comments:
I agree, Barbara, it helps if the counselor has some personal history with addiction.
A few things that come to mind about D, Tony's counselor for whom I have great respect: He has a great deal of experience with addicts, I believe he has a personal history in his family. He doesn't let Tony get away with anything, calls him on the carpet for any B.S. he is trying to pull. And yet he still shows compassion. Like you said, he asks the tough questions. He was also very good to us as parents, also bringing us to the hard facts, and gently bringing us to truth.
Because of my daughter's background...
My daughter was prenatally exposed to alcohol, meth and cocaine. She has fetal alcohol syndrome. Research on adults with FAS has shown that they are 5x more likely to be addicted than the general population. What works for someone who has good executive functioning (a person who thinks about consequences, plans and makes choices) will not work with someone who has damage to the frontal lobe of their brain. She doesn't think like other adults. She doesn't act like other adults. She never had one friend until she started using. Her friend group is connected by their common desire to party and get high, their lack of respect for authority and casual "hook ups." She doesn't have a sober network and will have difficulty making sober friends. Counselors, group home staff members, etc. aren't friends; they are almost friends. A program that ignores the truth that 8 out of 10 adults with FAS are in supported employment and supported housing isn't going to work for her. Because if this truth is ignored, she is released from the program with nowhere to live and nothing to do all day long.
So, as far as I am concerned, a drug and alcohol counselor needs to be well versed in disability, disability rights, social service needs or, at the very least, been diligent in creating a community of experts...
Oh Lord, I am hesitant to even answer this. This is just my opinion and in my dream world.....
1. What makes a good substance abuse counselor? A strong yet humble person who is compassionate but able to be firm while not being punitive and shaming. Someone who is honest and ethical. Someone who is not burned out. Someone who can look at each individual person and not just see a bunch of drug addicts and assume they are all the same.
What qualities should they have? Compassion, strength of character, humility, honest, is not easily manipulated, treats other human beings with respect just because they are fellow human beings....
What experiences with counselors have you had?
We have had some wonderful counselors and some that were awful. Some that turned a blind eye when H wasn't following the rules and acted like her friend, pulling her in close, sharing her confidences... "I won't tell." and there is so much that is wrong with that. It reinforced her manipulative behavior, it made her feel above the rules, if you know the right people the rules don't apply to you. We had one who walked out to the car and said, "Come on in honey, you never have to feel like crap again." The thought of that woman still makes me tear up. She had one counselor who was shaming, used sarcasm, and teased (in front of me numerous times).....totally not an appropriate approach for someone who is sick in their disease and feeling torn and afraid of life without their substances and life with them. I could go on and on....
What types of counselors work? Which don't? I think counselors who are forthright, upfront and say what they are thinking, but they are kind, respectful, and compassionate, and strong. Able to stand strong in love.
That is just off the top of my head...
The experience I've had is that there are more counselors who do bad than good. A lot of them seem to come with their own baggage or judgments about addiction. Most of those judgments are negative and their responses to the clients, turn out to be critical.
So
1. A good counselor is one who does not have baggage of their own. They should be serious about wanting to help and not judgmental OR punitive. They should keep their standards high. 'Getting down to their level' is another insult to the addict. The addict needs standards to look up to, not here the same swearing, and alcohol/drug talk that the addict is living.
2. The counselor should be compassionate and understanding, yet firm. They should be respectful. Their standards and hope should be high for the client.
3.The counselor should have experience with addiction, without the negative emotions still attached.
4. Counselors who truly understand and want to help, work. Those with the wrong attitude, don't.
IM AN ADDICT AND I BELIEVE A GOOD COUNSELOR WOULD BE AN EX ADDICT WHO HAD RECOVERED BECAUSE I WILL NOT TAKE ADVICE FROM SOMEONE WITH TEXT BOOK KNOWLEDGE ONLY. YOU NEED TO BE IN TUNE WITH THE WAY WE THINK AND THE WAY WE DIGEST THINGS. WE ARE VERY IRRATIONAL PEOPLE.
What qualities should they have?
LISTENING, UNDERSTANDING AND GIVING REALISTIC AIMS AND GOALS. WE TEND TO TALK ALOT OF SHIT TO JUSTIFWRONG WE DO SO THEY WOULD AVE TO BE PATIENT.
What experiences with counselors have you had?
IVE ONLY HAD EXPERIENCE WITH COURT ORDERED COUNSELLING AFTER I GOT DONE FOR MANUFACTURING METH. IT WAS A HEAD COUNSELLOR AND HIS STUDENT AND I WAS SUPPOSED TO GET ONE SESSION FREE BUT BECAUSE THEY WERE GOBSMACKED BY MEETING SOMEONE WHO SEEMED SO NORMAL AS I RAN MY OWN BUSINESS, WITH HEALTHY PROFIT BUT HAD BEEN DONE FOR COOKING METH IT SEEMED TO GO AGAINST ANYTHING THEY HAD LEARNT IN A TEXT BOOK ABOUT SOMEONE WHO HAD BEEN ON METH OVER HALF THEIR LIFE AT THAT POINT IN TIME.
What types of counselors work? Which don't?
YOU GOTTA KEEP LOOKING TILL YOU FIND ONE WHO DOESNT LOOK DOWN ON YOU BUT GENUINELY WANTS TO HELP. (AND HAD TIME TO RUN BEHIND TIME)
ITS ONLY MY OPINION BARBARA, XO LILLY
Thanks everyone! I think this will be a help to the person who asked.
After reading all of these, one thing stands out to me as the most important (at least for Keven, because he's told me this many times):
A GOOD COUNSELOR WOULD BE AN EX ADDICT WHO HAD RECOVERED BECAUSE I WILL NOT TAKE ADVICE FROM SOMEONE WITH TEXT BOOK KNOWLEDGE ONLY. YOU NEED TO BE IN TUNE WITH THE WAY WE THINK AND THE WAY WE DIGEST THINGS. WE ARE VERY IRRATIONAL PEOPLE.
Thank you, Lily, for adding this. I remember once when someone was interning at one of Kev's rehabs and she had no personal experience with addiction - she's the one who ended up in tears. I admire anyone who wants to help others, but I think knowing your subject matter first hand does make a difference. That's why women I've counseled for sexual abuse/rape can relate to me, I KNOW what goes on in their minds so I know what to bring out and work on, etc.
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