Thanks for leaving comments on the last post. I noticed a common theme as many of you suggested I not go into debt to pay for Keven's rehab. I understand the reasoning behind that, but the reality of the situation is that if I have opportunity to keep my son our of prison and from having a felony on his record for life...then I am going to take it.
Keven's judge made a deal with him. The deal was Residential Rehab for 6 months or leave her court program and serve his time (16 months in prison with time served, he'd probably do a little less than a year). And of course that would mean a felony following him around.
My son is not a criminal. The judge knows that, I know that and he knows it too. He's an addict that has made slow but steady progress in the last two years and has made a HUGE jump in progress in the last three months, until last week.
I believe with all my heart that he would have not sought out heroin on his own, he did it because it was there. He regretted it. He stopped using it even though he knew he could keep using until he got caught if he chose.
My son is going to make it. I am behind him 100%. I believe in him. There have been moments in the past that I was so heartbroken and angry that I wished he had never been born. That's hard to admit, but its true. Now, I feel a love for him stronger than ever because when I look in his eyes I see who he really is, and he's a good human being, a valuable person.
Maybe this looks like I am enabling or making life too easy on him. In some ways his life has been easy, but he's lived with some pretty shitty stuff starting at an early age.
He's my son, my only child. He and I are close because there's never been another parent or a sibling, we're all we've got. And so if I am doing the "wrong" thing, so be it. I want him to have this opportunity. I don't want him going to prison. Simple as that.
Peace, Hope and Love, Barbara
14 comments:
oh Barbara,...I understand exactly where you're coming from. Hang in there....better times are coming. I totally see your reasoning.
Peace to you.....
Lori
Ohhh, I don't think its the "wrong" thing. I don't think anyone can make the decision if its right or wrong, but you. If I were in your shoes and my child was saying, "Yes, I'm ready, I want to go" do you really think with those options (felony and prison) I would say "no?" I highly doubt it. We have paid for treatment a couple times and we are simply out of money though. So she would now have to rely on going to meetings or finding some form of treatment that was state funded.
You are in charge of your situation and only you know what feels right. The comments were simply suggestions for you to reexamine your decision. If you can live with it, so can we! If Keven really wants help, it will work. I don't know how often he has been in rehab, but after 4 times (like my daughter) you just kind of give up on it and let the addict figure it out himself. It does not make sense then to spend another penny.
Peace and hope,
Helga
I am at the point in my journey with addiction that I don't give explanations or make excuses for my decisions. Every situation is different. Yesterday I read on the Subdural Flow blog that "Alanon helped me learn to trust myself and my decisions. It doesn't make my choices right, but it took away my paralyzing fear of making them." My twelve step programs have help me in a similar way. Keep the Faith.
Barbara, we all have to do what we feel is the right thing to do based on where we're at, at that moment. I'm still paying off an 8 month residential treatment program from 5 years ago and my son still continues his struggle to achieve recovery. Yet, I do not have one regret about all the money this treatment program has cost me. The bulk of this I paid as a struggeling single mom of 2. We have all heard that relapse is part of recovery, so I can't say that the ranch did no good...it did and my son still goes back to much of what was ingrained in him while there.He has the tools and life skills that are so important in recovery. Every chance an addict is given with treatment increases their odds true recovery. I understand where you are,I've been there too, as I know many have been. We each do what we feel we need to do for our kids under a variety of circumstances.
Kristi
I stand in awe of your heart Barbara! Thanks for sharing this. You are one beautiful person.
I'd do the same, I'd do anything to help my kids, whatever they'd done. It's called unconditional love isn't it?
I understand this, I we are wrestling with this dilemma right this very second. J is getting out on the 12th. We don't know what to do...is it long enough? Will this time be different? Would it be different if we spent more money? I am just so damn confused. It is not just J in our family. My beautiful daughter who has tried so hard to make the right decisions. Id going to University of Alabama in the fall. Do we use her college fund to extend J's stay in rehab?
I agree with you. My mom and I were talking about the whole felony on your record thing, just this afternoon. I do not have a felony on my record, but that is because I plead guilty to a misdemeanor instead, and served my time and probation. At the time, I took the deal because it would give me the least amount of jail time. Not having a felony on my record was just a bonus. But, now that I am about to graduate from college...and I am looking for a job, not having a felony is such a blessing! I do not have to check that box on the front of every application, that asks if you are a felon. Now, if someone wants to look into my background, I never lie about it. (But they hardly ever ask because that box is not checked!) Now, I am always honest about it, and I mention I have been clean for almost 5 years, and if they are not willing to give me a chance...well, then it is a big FU to them! But, it would be very different with a felony on my record. I think it is VITAL to keep a felony off his record, if you can. I am just realizing how much a felony could have held me back now that I am clean, and making my way in this world.
We got our son in Detox on a credit card - mine are all max'd and now we are on my Husbands. I am just so grateful we have a credit card left. I worry that now B was charged with a Felony at 20 years old. I wonder how much that will make it harder on him to add to the tattoo he got on his hand when he was high. But, if there would be anyway to get that off of his record believe me I would do it. You just have to keep doing what is right for you and your son. We never know what will or won't work.
Tori - Not sure what State you are in but if this is your son's first offense and its a non-violent drug charge there me be a program he can go through via the courts to have his felony reduced to a misdemeanor. California has several and my son was lucky to get into one.
Good luck Barbara. I am pulling for you to make the choice that feels right in your head and heart.
Hey Barbara! Haven't talked with you in awhile so I just wanted to remind you that I think of you and your son and pray for you both often. You have a wonderful amazing Mother's heart and who can fault you for that? Your son is beyond blessed to have you for a mother.... I really hope that he is able to see that! You inspire me in my own recovery.... thank you!
((Kali)) Your comment brought tears to my eyes. Thank you. I've kept up with your blog but you haven't been writing as much. I am headed over there in hopes to see an update, I've missed you!
Post a Comment